Good, sobering read for anyone considering being an affair partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some women it's just about the sex. Most APs who are women are hoping he will leave the wife at some point. They are jealous of the wife's life and after awhile most APs realize they were only for 1 thing. No different than a piece of toilet paper. Certainly there are exceptions, but this is pretty much the rule.

Definitely my situation. And she was completely obsessed with my now ex-husband, my child and my life. I even noticed how over time her social media started to mirror my own. She would take pics with her child and create posts very similar to the ones I posted with my child. It was weird. She did many things to copy me, including moving to my neighborhood from out-of-state and putting her child in the same school as mine. I wear my hair very short and she cut hers off. It kind of reminded me of the movie "Single White Female."

I first discovered their affair when she started to comment on pics of my child that my ex would post. She acted as if she knew him. She was clearly trying to mark her territory and let it be known that she was somewhat familiar. She know of my child, but didn't know my child. Zoom to 7 years later and my former spouse left to be with her. I wish them the best that two disgusting people deserve. But all descriptions they are both narcs.

So yeah, some OW's are in it just for the sex or whatever, but some are clearly nutcases and these dumbass men fall hook, line and sinker.

This is more typical situation except if you hadn't caught him, or divorced him he would still be with you. He only went to her because cheaters can't be alone. That's a tough one, I would have been more concerned about my kids being around such a nut case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So they are or aren't toilet paper to you, as PP declared?

He is actually toilet paper to them as I've been in the same situation. My single APs all used me for sex only when they didn't want a committed relationship making it clear I could be cast aside at any time if she decided she wanted an available man. And I was. Same as this guy.[/quote

Yep 9 times out of 10 the AP is nothing more than a release. Most of the women APs hope for a lot more, many end up letting the wife know in some way. I've seen that over and over which usually ends it abruptly if the wife chooses to stay. You have to have a low self worth to go with a married person to begin with. Of course the married person isn't much better, and probably fooled their spouse early on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So they are or aren't toilet paper to you, as PP declared?

They are TP. "Nothing more than that", they basically served the purpose.

Oof, but you are a pretty awful human.

Funny. I would say the people destroying a family are pretty awful.

An AP finally learning they were TP all along must be shattering to their already low self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

You are the definition of a POS. Just divorce your wife and be honest. Do you have daughters? I wonder how you would feel about them being someone’s AP, or more importantly them having a husband as crappy as you. You suck.

Why do you assume a man wrote this? This is my situation as well, and I’m a woman. These men are definitely not TP to me, they are interesting, complex human beings, whose company I enjoy, in and out of bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a two-year relationship when I found out he was actually married. We were both overseas and his wife was here so it was not hard to conceal. Long story short, after ending it briefly I went back to him and my self-image never truly recovered.

So are you still with home and he’s still married?

Oh God no! This was years ago, but I was so young and stupid that it really left a mark on me.

[Anonymous]

I had an AP for years. She was married as well and it was just good sex for both of us. No holds bar and anything went. It ended on great terms and we’re really great friends to this day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

You are the definition of a POS. Just divorce your wife and be honest. Do you have daughters? I wonder how you would feel about them being someone’s AP, or more importantly them having a husband as crappy as you. You suck.

Why do you assume a man wrote this? This is my situation as well, and I’m a woman. These men are definitely not TP to me, they are interesting, complex human beings, whose company I enjoy, in and out of bed.

They assume it because on DCUM, the man is always to blame.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been the AP, but I had zero feelings for the person so it was fine. Just really amazing sex because they were so deprived at home. That was 10 years ago and I wouldn’t do it again, but I was young and the sex was so good because it was like being with a man who had been in prison for 25 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So they are or aren't toilet paper to you, as PP declared?

They are TP. "Nothing more than that", they basically served the purpose.

Oof, but you are a pretty awful human.

Funny. I would say the people destroying a family are pretty awful.

An AP finally learning they were TP all along must be shattering to their already low self esteem.

No one destroyed anything, you sound very bitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been the AP, but I had zero feelings for the person so it was fine. Just really amazing sex because they were so deprived at home. That was 10 years ago and I wouldn’t do it again, but I was young and the sex was so good because it was like being with a man who had been in prison for 25 years.

right, everyone knows the long-term inmates are the best. Does he have an ankle bracelet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So they are or aren't toilet paper to you, as PP declared?

They are TP. "Nothing more than that", they basically served the purpose.

Oof, but you are a pretty awful human.

Funny. I would say the people destroying a family are pretty awful.

An AP finally learning they were TP all along must be shattering to their already low self esteem.

No one destroyed anything, you sound very bitter.

Going with married people does exactly that. I guess it sucks to simply be a hole in the mattress, I'd be bitter too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So they are or aren't toilet paper to you, as PP declared?

They are TP. "Nothing more than that", they basically served the purpose.

Oof, but you are a pretty awful human.

Funny. I would say the people destroying a family are pretty awful.

An AP finally learning they were TP all along must be shattering to their already low self esteem.

Your venom is very sexist, and mysogoisntic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So they are or aren't toilet paper to you, as PP declared?

They are TP. "Nothing more than that", they basically served the purpose.

Oof, but you are a pretty awful human.

Funny. I would say the people destroying a family are pretty awful.

An AP finally learning they were TP all along must be shattering to their already low self esteem.

No one destroyed anything, you sound very bitter.

Going with married people does exactly that. I guess it sucks to simply be a hole in the mattress, I'd be bitter too.

If women are a whole in the mattress, a married man would never stray from the marital bed. There must be a deeper reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So they are or aren't toilet paper to you, as PP declared?

They are TP. "Nothing more than that", they basically served the purpose.

Oof, but you are a pretty awful human.

Funny. I would say the people destroying a family are pretty awful.

An AP finally learning they were TP all along must be shattering to their already low self esteem.

No one destroyed anything, you sound very bitter.

Going with married people does exactly that. I guess it sucks to simply be a hole in the mattress, I'd be bitter too.

If women are a whole in the mattress, a married man would never stray from the marital bed. There must be a deeper reason.

Keep telling yourself that, LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

+1

Another +1. I just popped in to say just this. I don’t know any single woman AP who wants the guy in the long run. The women I know are married themselves and are looking for something they’re not getting in their marriages, not to replace their husbands.

I know someone like this... going on right now. She is single, never married, no kids. She is super smitten at him (I have no idea why, he's really nothing special). He's never going to leave his wife. Told her the usual sob story - he married his wife too young (college sweethearts), no passion, no sex, nothing in common anymore, she's let herself go, he can't leave because she can't function without him, etc etc. My friend is a highly educated and accomplished person and I can't believe she bought any of that BS.

+1

Daddy issues - I have seen it first hand. NP here.

Maybe... but her parents were happily married for 40 years before her dad passed away. And he was a great guy.

OMG, did you live there, did you live her life.