Good, sobering read for anyone considering being an affair partner

[Anonymous]

It's common for prostitutes and stripper (who are mostly victims of abuse) to believe they are "in control", which is one reason they choose the profession.

OW are often abused too, though not statistically as high a number, so they can feel they are in control of the situation, throw them away (instead of accepting the fact they never had a choice in the matter, they would eventually be tossed aside) and can never really let somebody in their inner circle because it hurts too much when they eventually get rejected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been the AP, but I had zero feelings for the person so it was fine. Just really amazing sex because they were so deprived at home. That was 10 years ago and I wouldn’t do it again, but I was young and the sex was so good because it was like being with a man who had been in prison for 25 years.

right, everyone knows the long-term inmates are the best. Does he have an ankle bracelet?

Nope, just a simple band on his left hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So they are or aren't toilet paper to you, as PP declared?

They are TP. "Nothing more than that", they basically served the purpose.

Oof, but you are a pretty awful human.

Funny. I would say the people destroying a family are pretty awful.

An AP finally learning they were TP all along must be shattering to their already low self esteem.

No one destroyed anything, you sound very bitter.

Going with married people does exactly that. I guess it sucks to simply be a hole in the mattress, I'd be bitter too.

I’m not an AP. You sound very messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So they are or aren't toilet paper to you, as PP declared?

They are TP. "Nothing more than that", they basically served the purpose.

Oof, but you are a pretty awful human.

Funny. I would say the people destroying a family are pretty awful.

An AP finally learning they were TP all along must be shattering to their already low self esteem.

No one destroyed anything, you sound very bitter.

Going with married people does exactly that. I guess it sucks to simply be a hole in the mattress, I'd be bitter too.

I’m not an AP. You sound very messed up.

If you think it's ok to date married people...the messed up is on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So they are or aren't toilet paper to you, as PP declared?

They are TP. "Nothing more than that", they basically served the purpose.

Oof, but you are a pretty awful human.

Funny. I would say the people destroying a family are pretty awful.

An AP finally learning they were TP all along must be shattering to their already low self esteem.

Your venom is very sexist, and mysogoisntic.

LOL I knew the misogynistic card would be played.

Nope accurately describing the general scenario of the AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I travel a lot and I have 3 APs, in the destinations where I visit a few times a year. All are currently unmarried. They know my situation, and I'm also very clear that if they do find someone, I understand if they want to cut it off and I'll wish them the best. That happened with one for a period of time, then that ended and we resumed what we had before.

None of them expect me to end my marriage, and I've also made it clear I won't. As far as I can tell, they're OK with that. We have fun and enjoy each other's company. Nothing more than that.

So they are or aren't toilet paper to you, as PP declared?

They are TP. "Nothing more than that", they basically served the purpose.

Oof, but you are a pretty awful human.

Funny. I would say the people destroying a family are pretty awful.

An AP finally learning they were TP all along must be shattering to their already low self esteem.

No one destroyed anything, you sound very bitter.

Going with married people does exactly that. I guess it sucks to simply be a hole in the mattress, I'd be bitter too.

I’m not an AP. You sound very messed up.

If you think it's ok to date married people...the messed up is on you.

I don’t think it’s ok. I don’t think your vicious craziness is ok either. Seems I’m not alone in that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

+1

Another +1. I just popped in to say just this. I don’t know any single woman AP who wants the guy in the long run. The women I know are married themselves and are looking for something they’re not getting in their marriages, not to replace their husbands.

I know someone like this... going on right now. She is single, never married, no kids. She is super smitten at him (I have no idea why, he's really nothing special). He's never going to leave his wife. Told her the usual sob story - he married his wife too young (college sweethearts), no passion, no sex, nothing in common anymore, she's let herself go, he can't leave because she can't function without him, etc etc. My friend is a highly educated and accomplished person and I can't believe she bought any of that BS.

+1

Daddy issues - I have seen it first hand. NP here.

Maybe... but her parents were happily married for 40 years before her dad passed away. And he was a great guy.

OMG, did you live there, did you live her life.

We've been close friends since elementary school. I've known her family for just as long. I was around daily growing up. Perhaps there's some dark secret I don't know about... but yeah, I'm pretty sure I know what her home life was like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

+1

Another +1. I just popped in to say just this. I don’t know any single woman AP who wants the guy in the long run. The women I know are married themselves and are looking for something they’re not getting in their marriages, not to replace their husbands.

I know someone like this... going on right now. She is single, never married, no kids. She is super smitten at him (I have no idea why, he's really nothing special). He's never going to leave his wife. Told her the usual sob story - he married his wife too young (college sweethearts), no passion, no sex, nothing in common anymore, she's let herself go, he can't leave because she can't function without him, etc etc. My friend is a highly educated and accomplished person and I can't believe she bought any of that BS.

+1

Daddy issues - I have seen it first hand. NP here.

Maybe... but her parents were happily married for 40 years before her dad passed away. And he was a great guy.

OMG, did you live there, did you live her life.

We've been close friends since elementary school. I've known her family for just as long. I was around daily growing up. Perhaps there's some dark secret I don't know about... but yeah, I'm pretty sure I know what her home life was like.

I'm pretty sure you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some women it's just about the sex. Most APs who are women are hoping he will leave the wife at some point. They are jealous of the wife's life and after awhile most APs realize they were only for 1 thing. No different than a piece of toilet paper. Certainly there are exceptions, but this is pretty much the rule.

Definitely my situation. And she was completely obsessed with my now ex-husband, my child and my life. I even noticed how over time her social media started to mirror my own. She would take pics with her child and create posts very similar to the ones I posted with my child. It was weird. She did many things to copy me, including moving to my neighborhood from out-of-state and putting her child in the same school as mine. I wear my hair very short and she cut hers off. It kind of reminded me of the movie "Single White Female."

I first discovered their affair when she started to comment on pics of my child that my ex would post. She acted as if she knew him. She was clearly trying to mark her territory and let it be known that she was somewhat familiar. She know of my child, but didn't know my child. Zoom to 7 years later and my former spouse left to be with her. I wish them the best that two disgusting people deserve. But all descriptions they are both narcs.

So yeah, some OW's are in it just for the sex or whatever, but some are clearly nutcases and these dumbass men fall hook, line and sinker.

Yeah, you’re divorced, but you did marry his dumbass!

I surely did. But I was never an OW. Have you ever seen how someone behaves when they're in affair. They are TOTALLY different. The asshole I divorced was nothing like that man I married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every time the OW is discussed on here, it's assumed that she's: single, duped by her AP into believing he's unhappy at home when he's actually getting tons of sex, and pining/waiting to be with him long-term.

I wonder what percentage of affairs actually fit this description. Certainly NONE of the ones I'm aware of, including my own. Usually the OW is also married, indifferent to his home life, and wants to stay in her own marriage if only for her kids.

I would imagine at least some OW are single by choice and do not want a full time partner.

I love my DH, but if he dies in the next 20 years, I am done with monogamy. It’s not that I want to have sex with an endless stream of people, I just don’t want to owe anyone anything regarding my sexual activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some women it's just about the sex. Most APs who are women are hoping he will leave the wife at some point. They are jealous of the wife's life and after awhile most APs realize they were only for 1 thing. No different than a piece of toilet paper. Certainly there are exceptions, but this is pretty much the rule.

Definitely my situation. And she was completely obsessed with my now ex-husband, my child and my life. I even noticed how over time her social media started to mirror my own. She would take pics with her child and create posts very similar to the ones I posted with my child. It was weird. She did many things to copy me, including moving to my neighborhood from out-of-state and putting her child in the same school as mine. I wear my hair very short and she cut hers off. It kind of reminded me of the movie "Single White Female."

I first discovered their affair when she started to comment on pics of my child that my ex would post. She acted as if she knew him. She was clearly trying to mark her territory and let it be known that she was somewhat familiar. She know of my child, but didn't know my child. Zoom to 7 years later and my former spouse left to be with her. I wish them the best that two disgusting people deserve. But all descriptions they are both narcs.

So yeah, some OW's are in it just for the sex or whatever, but some are clearly nutcases and these dumbass men fall hook, line and sinker.

Yeah, you’re divorced, but you did marry his dumbass!

Not the same. She wasn't cheating with him while he was married, he duped her into thinking he was a decent human being. The AP knew exactly what he was, and she'll likely end up with the same outcome. I really wonder how the kids feel, or if they want to visit them very much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some women it's just about the sex. Most APs who are women are hoping he will leave the wife at some point. They are jealous of the wife's life and after awhile most APs realize they were only for 1 thing. No different than a piece of toilet paper. Certainly there are exceptions, but this is pretty much the rule.

Definitely my situation. And she was completely obsessed with my now ex-husband, my child and my life. I even noticed how over time her social media started to mirror my own. She would take pics with her child and create posts very similar to the ones I posted with my child. It was weird. She did many things to copy me, including moving to my neighborhood from out-of-state and putting her child in the same school as mine. I wear my hair very short and she cut hers off. It kind of reminded me of the movie "Single White Female."

I first discovered their affair when she started to comment on pics of my child that my ex would post. She acted as if she knew him. She was clearly trying to mark her territory and let it be known that she was somewhat familiar. She know of my child, but didn't know my child. Zoom to 7 years later and my former spouse left to be with her. I wish them the best that two disgusting people deserve. But all descriptions they are both narcs.

So yeah, some OW's are in it just for the sex or whatever, but some are clearly nutcases and these dumbass men fall hook, line and sinker.

Yeah, you’re divorced, but you did marry his dumbass!

I surely did. But I was never an OW. Have you ever seen how someone behaves when they're in affair. They are TOTALLY different. The asshole I divorced was nothing like that man I married.

Curious as to what differences you noticed. My spouse did not behave any differently, as far as I could tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some women it's just about the sex. Most APs who are women are hoping he will leave the wife at some point. They are jealous of the wife's life and after awhile most APs realize they were only for 1 thing. No different than a piece of toilet paper. Certainly there are exceptions, but this is pretty much the rule.

Definitely my situation. And she was completely obsessed with my now ex-husband, my child and my life. I even noticed how over time her social media started to mirror my own. She would take pics with her child and create posts very similar to the ones I posted with my child. It was weird. She did many things to copy me, including moving to my neighborhood from out-of-state and putting her child in the same school as mine. I wear my hair very short and she cut hers off. It kind of reminded me of the movie "Single White Female."

I first discovered their affair when she started to comment on pics of my child that my ex would post. She acted as if she knew him. She was clearly trying to mark her territory and let it be known that she was somewhat familiar. She know of my child, but didn't know my child. Zoom to 7 years later and my former spouse left to be with her. I wish them the best that two disgusting people deserve. But all descriptions they are both narcs.

So yeah, some OW's are in it just for the sex or whatever, but some are clearly nutcases and these dumbass men fall hook, line and sinker.

Yeah, you’re divorced, but you did marry his dumbass!

I surely did. But I was never an OW. Have you ever seen how someone behaves when they're in affair. They are TOTALLY different. The asshole I divorced was nothing like that man I married.

Curious as to what differences you noticed. My spouse did not behave any differently, as far as I could tell.

Different poster, but my friend told me he started shaving down there. Didn't approach her for sex very often, and she found a cheap bracelet in his toiletry kit which wasn't anything she would wear. Looked at his phone location, parts of it were erased, then she knew. Found out all the details after she hired a P.I. for 2 days.
An ex of mine had large time gaps, and lame excuses. I followed him with a friend in her car and broke up with him right away. My feelings were over for him at that point. I believe cheaters pick what they think are gulliable people, like all types of abusers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some women it's just about the sex. Most APs who are women are hoping he will leave the wife at some point. They are jealous of the wife's life and after awhile most APs realize they were only for 1 thing. No different than a piece of toilet paper. Certainly there are exceptions, but this is pretty much the rule.

Definitely my situation. And she was completely obsessed with my now ex-husband, my child and my life. I even noticed how over time her social media started to mirror my own. She would take pics with her child and create posts very similar to the ones I posted with my child. It was weird. She did many things to copy me, including moving to my neighborhood from out-of-state and putting her child in the same school as mine. I wear my hair very short and she cut hers off. It kind of reminded me of the movie "Single White Female."

I first discovered their affair when she started to comment on pics of my child that my ex would post. She acted as if she knew him. She was clearly trying to mark her territory and let it be known that she was somewhat familiar. She know of my child, but didn't know my child. Zoom to 7 years later and my former spouse left to be with her. I wish them the best that two disgusting people deserve. But all descriptions they are both narcs.

So yeah, some OW's are in it just for the sex or whatever, but some are clearly nutcases and these dumbass men fall hook, line and sinker.

Yeah, you’re divorced, but you did marry his dumbass!

I surely did. But I was never an OW. Have you ever seen how someone behaves when they're in affair. They are TOTALLY different. The asshole I divorced was nothing like that man I married.

Curious as to what differences you noticed. My spouse did not behave any differently, as far as I could tell.

+1. My spouse did not behave differently. He was a very good liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some women it's just about the sex. Most APs who are women are hoping he will leave the wife at some point. They are jealous of the wife's life and after awhile most APs realize they were only for 1 thing. No different than a piece of toilet paper. Certainly there are exceptions, but this is pretty much the rule.

Definitely my situation. And she was completely obsessed with my now ex-husband, my child and my life. I even noticed how over time her social media started to mirror my own. She would take pics with her child and create posts very similar to the ones I posted with my child. It was weird. She did many things to copy me, including moving to my neighborhood from out-of-state and putting her child in the same school as mine. I wear my hair very short and she cut hers off. It kind of reminded me of the movie "Single White Female."

I first discovered their affair when she started to comment on pics of my child that my ex would post. She acted as if she knew him. She was clearly trying to mark her territory and let it be known that she was somewhat familiar. She know of my child, but didn't know my child. Zoom to 7 years later and my former spouse left to be with her. I wish them the best that two disgusting people deserve. But all descriptions they are both narcs.

So yeah, some OW's are in it just for the sex or whatever, but some are clearly nutcases and these dumbass men fall hook, line and sinker.

Yeah, you’re divorced, but you did marry his dumbass!

I surely did. But I was never an OW. Have you ever seen how someone behaves when they're in affair. They are TOTALLY different. The asshole I divorced was nothing like that man I married.

Curious as to what differences you noticed. My spouse did not behave any differently, as far as I could tell.

+1. My spouse did not behave differently. He was a very good liar.

Sociopath? How did you catch him?