MIL said I abandoned my children by working
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Anonymous
| Let me preface it by saying that I never had any huge issues with my MIL until now (married over 16 years), but the other night at dinner she was talking about how working moms just abandon their children and how awful it was. My husband just started laughing out loud and I said oh my kids are abandoned to which she backtracked a teeny bit and I responded with well you said it and then excused myself to do the dishes (in the same room). She stayed for about another half hour ranting on her first world problems of old people and then we all said goodbye (nothing was said of the comment etc). I was piloted despite how pissed off I was. It makes me wonder if she’s felt this way all along and why now she is saying it. Needless to say I’m not looking forward to having her over for Christmas. Any advice on how to deal with this? |
Anonymous
| Op here should read polite instead of piloted. Also my MIL never worked ever. |
Anonymous
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If somebody said this to me it would not make me mad because it's clearly delusional.
Why does it bother you? |
Anonymous
| Have your DH correct her. |
Anonymous
| Who cares what she thinks? Let it go except if she brings it up again have a snarky comment ready. Live your life. |
Anonymous
| OP here. You’re right it is delusional. It bothers me though because it makes me wonder how long she’s felt this way and why she’s saying it now. |
Anonymous
Fixed it for you. Either have the other person who abandoned his children to work outside the home say something or let it go by chalking it up to the ramblings of a sad person. |
Anonymous
You can't change what people think, only your reaction to it. My mother says stuff like this to me (and she believes it too), but she's not saying it to hurt me, she's just from a different generation when it wasn't common for women to work outside the home. Let it go OP. |
Anonymous
Who cares how long she’s felt this way. What does it matter whether it’s 16 years or 16 minutes. The result is still the same: Your MIL is judgmental and lacking in class. |
Anonymous
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It's probably a conversation that she's had with her friends and she just brought it to your dinner table, forgetting along the way that you were, in fact, a working mother yourself.
Back in our parents' days it was a lot more common for women to SAH with the kids and even when they did work their husbands were almost always the main breadwinners in the family. Childcare options back then were also not nearly as great as they are now. She's old and so is her perspective. Hang in there. |
Anonymous
Who cares? She's a low-value person to say that kind of thing to her own DIL. So who cares what a low-value person thinks or says? |
Anonymous
| I would take every opportunity to work the word “abandoned” into conversation with her and turn it into a game with myself and spouse. If she brings it up the topic again, I would likely need to ask why she didn’t intervene if she felt you really had “abandoned” your children. |
Anonymous
Doesn't matter how long she's felt this way. None of her business. Interesting she doesn't ask her son why he isn't supporting his family so his wife doesn't have to "abandon " the children. (Also an ignorant remark but you get my point) |
Anonymous
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Is this the problem in your life? You live a charmed life for sure.
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Anonymous
| If you don't think she is correct, you will have no problem in ignoring it. Do you feel she is right? |