MIL said I abandoned my children by working

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This wouldn’t bother you if you didn’t, at some level, feel like you abandoned your kids by working.

Please go away. Adults are talking.

I’m sorry I hit a nerve.

NP. I’ve been a SAHM for 13 years, and your “hit a nerve” remark is laughable. All of this obviously hit a nerve with you. Either you’re some misogynist male that thinks women need to be at home or you’re some martyr SAHM. Obviously I believe staying at home has its benefits, but make no mistake about it...you’re depriving your children of major benefits (401k contributions, 529 contributions, etc.). Some could argue it’s financial abandonment to stay at home so get off your high-horse Karen.

Most SAHMs I know can financially afford it all - household help, kids college, retirement, vacations. If you are working because you have to pay bills then that is a different thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You’re right it is delusional. It bothers me though because it makes me wonder how long she’s felt this way and why she’s saying it now.

Do you agree with what she says? It sounds like you do. Otherwise it wouldn’t bother you so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You’re right it is delusional. It bothers me though because it makes me wonder how long she’s felt this way and why she’s saying it now.

Do you agree with what she says? It sounds like you do. Otherwise it wouldn’t bother you so much.

dp you can't disagree with what someone says and still be bothered by it! Why doesn't she think her son is "abandoning" his children? Let's face it..Grandma and most of the world are sexist. That generation believes women should be solely responsible for the caring and raising of children. Both my mil and mom would say when we are outshopping or whatever we got to get back because dh is "babysitting" his kids. No, he is caring for his kids, not babysitting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You’re right it is delusional. It bothers me though because it makes me wonder how long she’s felt this way and why she’s saying it now.

Do you agree with what she says? It sounds like you do. Otherwise it wouldn’t bother you so much.

dp you can't disagree with what someone says and still be bothered by it! Why doesn't she think her son is "abandoning" his children? Let's face it..Grandma and most of the world are sexist. That generation believes women should be solely responsible for the caring and raising of children. Both my mil and mom would say when we are outshopping or whatever we got to get back because dh is "babysitting" his kids. No, he is caring for his kids, not babysitting!

Meant CAN

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This wouldn’t bother you if you didn’t, at some level, feel like you abandoned your kids by working.

Please go away. Adults are talking.

I’m sorry I hit a nerve.

NP. I’ve been a SAHM for 13 years, and your “hit a nerve” remark is laughable. All of this obviously hit a nerve with you. Either you’re some misogynist male that thinks women need to be at home or you’re some martyr SAHM. Obviously I believe staying at home has its benefits, but make no mistake about it...you’re depriving your children of major benefits (401k contributions, 529 contributions, etc.). Some could argue it’s financial abandonment to stay at home so get off your high-horse Karen.

Most SAHMs I know can financially afford it all - household help, kids college, retirement, vacations. If you are working because you have to pay bills then that is a different thing.

This is not the same as most SAHMs in general, who tend to have lower levels of education and have tighter budgets. You're speaking about a small segment of well-educated/affluent SAHMs, but they're not the norm in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This wouldn’t bother you if you didn’t, at some level, feel like you abandoned your kids by working.

Please go away. Adults are talking.

I’m sorry I hit a nerve.

NP. I’ve been a SAHM for 13 years, and your “hit a nerve” remark is laughable. All of this obviously hit a nerve with you. Either you’re some misogynist male that thinks women need to be at home or you’re some martyr SAHM. Obviously I believe staying at home has its benefits, but make no mistake about it...you’re depriving your children of major benefits (401k contributions, 529 contributions, etc.). Some could argue it’s financial abandonment to stay at home so get off your high-horse Karen.

Most SAHMs I know can financially afford it all - household help, kids college, retirement, vacations. If you are working because you have to pay bills then that is a different thing.

This is not the same as most SAHMs in general, who tend to have lower levels of education and have tighter budgets. You're speaking about a small segment of well-educated/affluent SAHMs, but they're not the norm in the US.

None of the SAHMs that I know have domestic staff and fancy vacations. In fact, one of the reasons that many SAHMs return to work is so that they can afford to hire a bimonthly house cleaning and yard service.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would've looked at my DH and said, "Did you hear your mom... you abandoned your children since like a working mom, he works, too."

THIS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is just jealous and in order to feel good about her non choices, she puts others down. There is a way to be a sahm for years and then still work after, or volunteer, or do something more than bring other people down to feel good about yourself. Sounds like she is getting older in becoming, as so many elderly, unhinged.

The Canadian White College-Educated women are out full-force today!

DP. You seem a little weird, ngl.

To you? I must have succeeded beyond my wildest dreams. nglt.

No, to anyone.

That's your opinion loser Canadian rude white person.you are mentally disturbed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This wouldn’t bother you if you didn’t, at some level, feel like you abandoned your kids by working.

Please go away. Adults are talking.

I’m sorry I hit a nerve.

NP. I’ve been a SAHM for 13 years, and your “hit a nerve” remark is laughable. All of this obviously hit a nerve with you. Either you’re some misogynist male that thinks women need to be at home or you’re some martyr SAHM. Obviously I believe staying at home has its benefits, but make no mistake about it...you’re depriving your children of major benefits (401k contributions, 529 contributions, etc.). Some could argue it’s financial abandonment to stay at home so get off your high-horse Karen.

Most SAHMs I know can financially afford it all - household help, kids college, retirement, vacations. If you are working because you have to pay bills then that is a different thing.

This is not the same as most SAHMs in general, who tend to have lower levels of education and have tighter budgets. You're speaking about a small segment of well-educated/affluent SAHMs, but they're not the norm in the US.

None of the SAHMs that I know have domestic staff and fancy vacations. In fact, one of the reasons that many SAHMs return to work is so that they can afford to hire a bimonthly house cleaning and yard service.

NP. Not really sure why we’re discussing why someone stays at home...whether it’s a woman or a man. It doesn’t matter if they are doing it because they have to or they choose to. That being said, the statement above about women returning to work to outsource home maintenance is ignorant. Any experience you have around here is likely not the norm in the rest of the country. You do understand we live in a bubble of affluence...yes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. You’re right it is delusional. It bothers me though because it makes me wonder how long she’s felt this way and why she’s saying it now.

Do you agree with what she says? It sounds like you do. Otherwise it wouldn’t bother you so much.

Rude as all get out and tone deaf things people say can be bothersome when they are flat out wrong. In fact in some ways it's more bothersome!

[Anonymous]

I would have responded "well it's worked well for all the women in my family" since both my grandmothers worked too because they were poor. My family is MUCH more successful and emotionally healthy than my MIL's family, which had all stay at home moms. (This is not a dig at ALL stay at home moms, it's just the scenario with my MIL).

[Anonymous]

Are you the parent whose child is in daycare 10 hours a day?

[Anonymous]

Next time you host her be sure to start a conversation where you say that woman who never work a day in their lives to earn an income to support their families are lazy deadbeats who set a terrible example for their children, especially their daughters. See how she likes a generalized opinion that includes her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This wouldn’t bother you if you didn’t, at some level, feel like you abandoned your kids by working.

Please go away. Adults are talking.

I’m sorry I hit a nerve.

NP. I’ve been a SAHM for 13 years, and your “hit a nerve” remark is laughable. All of this obviously hit a nerve with you. Either you’re some misogynist male that thinks women need to be at home or you’re some martyr SAHM. Obviously I believe staying at home has its benefits, but make no mistake about it...you’re depriving your children of major benefits (401k contributions, 529 contributions, etc.). Some could argue it’s financial abandonment to stay at home so get off your high-horse Karen.

Most SAHMs I know can financially afford it all - household help, kids college, retirement, vacations. If you are working because you have to pay bills then that is a different thing.

This is not the same as most SAHMs in general, who tend to have lower levels of education and have tighter budgets. You're speaking about a small segment of well-educated/affluent SAHMs, but they're not the norm in the US.

None of the SAHMs that I know have domestic staff and fancy vacations. In fact, one of the reasons that many SAHMs return to work is so that they can afford to hire a bimonthly house cleaning and yard service.

NP. Not really sure why we’re discussing why someone stays at home...whether it’s a woman or a man. It doesn’t matter if they are doing it because they have to or they choose to. That being said, the statement above about women returning to work to outsource home maintenance is ignorant. Any experience you have around here is likely not the norm in the rest of the country. You do understand we live in a bubble of affluence...yes?

If you are talking about why SAHMs might return to work then, yes, outsourcing domestic chores is absolutely a reason they do it. This idea that there are a bunch of SAHMs with domestic staff handling the chores for them is silly. Yes, maybe very the very rich but that is not happening in regular old suburbia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This wouldn’t bother you if you didn’t, at some level, feel like you abandoned your kids by working.

Please go away. Adults are talking.

I’m sorry I hit a nerve.

NP. I’ve been a SAHM for 13 years, and your “hit a nerve” remark is laughable. All of this obviously hit a nerve with you. Either you’re some misogynist male that thinks women need to be at home or you’re some martyr SAHM. Obviously I believe staying at home has its benefits, but make no mistake about it...you’re depriving your children of major benefits (401k contributions, 529 contributions, etc.). Some could argue it’s financial abandonment to stay at home so get off your high-horse Karen.

Nah. We’re fine financially.