When and why did your friends get divorced?

[Anonymous]

A couple friends divorced/broke up in the baby years... due to incompatibility. And recently a couple friends have divorced in the preschool/school age years. One was due to mental illness and I don’t know the reason for the other.

[Anonymous]

One couple the husband hadn't paid taxes in 5 years and maxed credit cards in private. Something like 150k in debt

One couple the wife was in deep communications with college boyfriend but claimed innocence. Didn't add up. Husband walked and wife moved n with boyfriend a week later

One couple the husband was a total drunk and entered rehab but came out disinterested in staying in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

In one case, the first year with baby was really hard - she was Type A and thought she would be supermom - instead she found it really hard, felt like a failure and took it out on him. He coped by avoiding her and staying out of the house or in the basement. She had an emotional affair - she denied it got physical but not sure and that ended the marriage. They got back together, did couples therapy - thought they were on the same page, had another kid and then realized that they were just never going to work. They split up on much more amicable terms the second time and are great friends, amazing co-parents. Both are remarried and the four of them hang out with each other. Kids have two awesome homes, less than a 5 minute bike ride apart.

Second friend - Frustrated by her husbands lack of ambition and general lack of adventure. Felt all he did was sit on the couch and watch sports or bbq and drink beer with his buddies. Still had a kid with him but they were basically roommates. She had an affair - he didn't even really care and they split. Were really angry with each other for a couple years and now they get along pretty well. Co-parent well and everyone gets along. She is still with the guy she had the affair with and they are pretty happy.

[Anonymous]

In most cases, the DH was controlling. One friend was grieving her mom who died suddenly and she wanted to attend religious services daily. Her H would not let her. Another friend was told that she could not take the IT courses her employer was paying for because they “didn’t help the family”. He wanted her to take accounting courses to help with his family‘s business, but wouldn’t pay for them.

There were a few cases of cheating by the DH.

[Anonymous]

You sound incredibly nosy and mean.

[Anonymous]

Starter marriage - incompatibility we all could have seen coming mile away

[Anonymous]

Not my best but social friends group. 3 couples divorced because the husbands said wives weren't their soulmates. Almost exact scripts. 4th couple just kinda fizzled. All happened year all kids were graduating HS. Made rest of us wary but no one else. All the guys remarried, two of the women reconnected w/their HS flames, one w/a coworker. Guys no longer part of friends group but hear about b/c of kids

[Anonymous]

I am 52. I would say 90 percent of divorces I've seen are due to infidelity, or addiction, or abuse, or mental illness. Ten percent otherwise. The 90 percent are heartbreaking.

Since my peers turned 50, the divorces have skyrocketed. Shocking and sad. However, many of the people who got divorced ten years ago are happily remarried.

It's like the roles are reversed. One moment you're the divorced one. The next moment, you're happily remarried and the people you used to know as couples are all divorcing.

[Anonymous]

I was shocked and surprised by the number of divorces once the kids hit Middle School. A counselor friend said it was because the kids are more independent and less needy, and those who wanted to leave felt more comfortable doing so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I was shocked and surprised by the number of divorces once the kids hit Middle School. A counselor friend said it was because the kids are more independent and less needy, and those who wanted to leave felt more comfortable doing so.

Not a bad strategy then.

I teach MS. I’d say about 15% of my 6th grade students have divorced parents in Sept and other 15% will see their parents separate by June. As a staff, we’re very good about emailing both parents, forgiving that late hw left at dad’s new apartment, etc. it’s the emotional fallout that we could use help in navigating. And I don’t mean the kids’ emotions. Quite a few parents try to put teachers in the middle or use the school to spy. Get a PI for that and let me focus on your child’s education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I was shocked and surprised by the number of divorces once the kids hit Middle School. A counselor friend said it was because the kids are more independent and less needy, and those who wanted to leave felt more comfortable doing so.

Yes there’s a group once the kids are old enough to not be needy and another bump when the kids are in college. (Kids in college- they no longer live at home plus there are no custody and child support issues.)

[Anonymous]

We are in our mid-late 30s.

A few no kids starter marriages. I’m from an area of the country where people tend to get married a bit younger - like we got married at age 26/27 and people applauded us for being responsible and waiting a few years.

With kids:
One case where the husband was abusive to the kid and emotionally abusive to the mom.
Two that I know of where there was drug (prescription pills and heroin) addiction issues. The wife was the addict in one case and the husband in the other.
A few where they just grew apart and split up.

[Anonymous]

Many times the wife gets old and fat

[Anonymous]

A family member recently got divorced because her husband was pretending to go to work and was golfing instead. He also stopped paying their mortgage. In almost two years since they separated he has not worked and hasn't paid a single cent of support or settlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In one case, the first year with baby was really hard - she was Type A and thought she would be supermom - instead she found it really hard, felt like a failure and took it out on him. He coped by avoiding her and staying out of the house or in the basement. She had an emotional affair - she denied it got physical but not sure and that ended the marriage. They got back together, did couples therapy - thought they were on the same page, had another kid and then realized that they were just never going to work. They split up on much more amicable terms the second time and are great friends, amazing co-parents. Both are remarried and the four of them hang out with each other. Kids have two awesome homes, less than a 5 minute bike ride apart.

Second friend - Frustrated by her husbands lack of ambition and general lack of adventure. Felt all he did was sit on the couch and watch sports or bbq and drink beer with his buddies. Still had a kid with him but they were basically roommates. She had an affair - he didn't even really care and they split. Were really angry with each other for a couple years and now they get along pretty well. Co-parent well and everyone gets along. She is still with the guy she had the affair with and they are pretty happy.

I love this. Blame the husband for the wife having an affair. You'd never see the reverse on DCUM. Ah, women.