When and why did your friends get divorced?

[Anonymous]

I am divorcing because my husband suddenly quit his job a few years ago - without talking to me. Spent a bunch of our money on his new business - without my permission. He didn’t realize starting a business would be hard and it hasn’t panned out. Meanwhile, he spends like we both still have full-time jobs. He is an alcoholic. Oh - and he hasn’t touched me in years. And he belittles me in front of the kids.

Mid-life crisis/Addiction/Money/Depression/Dead Bedroom/Verbal Abuse

I am really sad for our 3 kids, but after years of this, it’s time. I have been surprised how many friends have made comments indicating they could tell he had issues. I thought we hid it well, but apparently not.

[Anonymous]

Mid 40s and agree that many of the divorces come out of the woods when the middle school years start. A couple that were surprising. Not aware of any addictions, but yes to dead bedrooms and infidelity. My guess is people neglect their spouses when kids are little. As the ghost of Christmas future to you young parents, keep the sex and intimacy going at all costs unless you want to join the club

[Anonymous]

I suggest that often you don't really know why your friends divorce. We haven't told our friends the real reasons for ours. And I have learned to take what anyone says about their ex with a very large grain of salt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suggest that often you don't really know why your friends divorce. We haven't told our friends the real reasons for ours. And I have learned to take what anyone says about their ex with a very large grain of salt.

Sometimes you can see the problem as an outside observer. I’m the PP who had a lot of friends leave controlling husbands. Once you recognize the pattern of behavior, you can spot it more easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I was shocked and surprised by the number of divorces once the kids hit Middle School. A counselor friend said it was because the kids are more independent and less needy, and those who wanted to leave felt more comfortable doing so.

Yes there’s a group once the kids are old enough to not be needy and another bump when the kids are in college. (Kids in college- they no longer live at home plus there are no custody and child support issues.)

Yeah, I have a friend who is currently running out the clock on her youngest (now in MS). They have two older kids now young adults. My friend revealed a decade ago that she planned to leave when her second child graduated HS, but she and her H were still sleeping together because it kept things civil and she got pregnant with the third at 40. Now, she’s 53 and her timetable is freedom at 60.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many times the wife gets old and fat

Haha this is definitely my ex’s side of the story!

[Anonymous]

A friend confided in me that she didn’t feel like her H was the one, she needed more space, etc
I thought a bigger house could solve that but I heard they filed for divorce now. I thought that was pretty childish.
I am divorcing too. Husband claimed I didn’t take good care of him, wanted to only use him etc. I felt he was taking his frustrations out on me. Also disagreements on parenting.
But truth be told, I just didn’t enjoy his company anymore.
If we could each do our own thing I would stay. But of course he wanted the real deal and left.
I don’t blame him for leaving. I blame him for being super mean to me before he actually left (but I am starting to understand that, he felt he couldn’t leave earlier and for good reason, and was resentful).
So maybe I understand my friend. When you just don’t want to be with someone and they want to either be with you or move on, what else is there to do?

[Anonymous]

We actually don’t have any friends who have divorced though maybe some should have! The divorces I do see tend to be couples in their mid-40’s who have been married 15 years or so - possibly mid life crisis - when you look back and then look forward and decide it’s not enough.

[Anonymous]

She cheated, he cheated back. Mistress called and said he was cheating on both of them.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend whose husband has had some health issues the past few years and is near retirement age and can afford to retire but she doesn’t want him around. She’d like him to keep working. I feel sorry for him.

[Anonymous]

Family: BIL and SIL separated after six years, divorced after seven years, so ages 39/36 with two DC under 5. In their case, her mental illness and his burgeoning alcoholism was the cause.

Acquaintance: married for 20. DH went to prison. Quietly divorced post sentencing.

Neighbor: late 30s. Two DC. One DC very ill and passed away. Marriage unable to survive the tremendous loss.

[Anonymous]

You all are kidding yourselves if you think you can really know what's going on in somebody else's marriage. Most of us have enough trouble knowing what's going on in our own.

[Anonymous]

My brother is getting divorced after 25 years. He had an extraordinary job offer that required a cross country relocation to a great small city but his wife had never lived anywhere but near her hometown in the middle of nowhere. They relocated but after six months or so she moved back to their unsold home. I’m sure things had been rocky but that was the beginning of the end.

[Anonymous]

In most of the families I know well, it's because the men didn't pull their weight at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many times the wife gets old and fat

And somehow the husband didnt get old.?? He stayed preserved in amber.