When and why did your friends get divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mid 40s and agree that many of the divorces come out of the woods when the middle school years start. A couple that were surprising. Not aware of any addictions, but yes to dead bedrooms and infidelity. My guess is people neglect their spouses when kids are little. As the ghost of Christmas future to you young parents, keep the sex and intimacy going at all costs unless you want to join the club

You are actually reading that wrong. You are assuming all the couples who stayed together had lots of sex during the crazy difficult kid years. The truth is that the difference is not in having sex or not, but in couples understanding each other needs and that short term problems are just that, short term. For better or worse, you gotta roll through the tough times. People who bail because the child years are tough, didn't understand that for better or worse meant there would be hard times.

Clearly, the tough times never went away.

People drift apart during early childhood years, lose interest and become roommates. At some point, the thought of planning vacations and spending the rest of your life with this person becomes unappealing. This can be the case even if two people basically get along. If one decides they'd rather be alone, with someone else, or play the field, what can you do?

[Anonymous]

People drift apart during early childhood years, lose interest and become roommates. At some point, the thought of planning vacations and spending the rest of your life with this person becomes unappealing.

How common is this? We are first time parents and ever since the baby, this has been my feelings towards DH...100%. No I do not have PPD.

[Anonymous]

They were both very strict adherents to a very strict variety of their religion. He drifted from it after a decade or so, she didn't.

He wanted to stay together for the kids, she refused.

Very nice people, sad for them and their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

People drift apart during early childhood years, lose interest and become roommates. At some point, the thought of planning vacations and spending the rest of your life with this person becomes unappealing.

How common is this? We are first time parents and ever since the baby, this has been my feelings towards DH...100%. No I do not have PPD.

We didn’t have kids but I would lay in bed at night thinking 50 more years of this? My husband turned into the laziest, most un-ambitious person on the planet. I am SO GLAD we didn’t have kids. We divorced and I am so much better off without him. To my knowledge he’s still the same, but with a new wife who doesn’t let him do things with his family. I definitely won here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some I know of:

1 - had an affair with their boss (they worked together). He's remarried with a kid. Don't know what happened to her.

2 - failure to launch type thing; he wanted a weird artsy freelance career and never acknowledged that he needed to grow up to have a family; also drug issues

3 - infidelity but she was obsessed with social climbing to the extent that she moved the kids away from him to go to a fancier school etc - he cheated but she obviously didn't value the marriage

I know a few marriages where #2 applied and led to divorce (or couple is on the brink). The talented writer and the talented painter in these cases have many charms but they want to freelance and backpack around Europe and experiment ... and all of that IS awesome and wonderful and attractive, but in both cases the wife wants kids/house/yard/money for middle class kiddo expenses like braces and soccer teams, and something has to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many times the wife gets old and fat

And cranky, dishonest, and lazy.

I see lots of men who look about 6 months pregnant. Who wants to sleep with that?

Everyone gets old. Carrying around a bowling ball belly is a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

People drift apart during early childhood years, lose interest and become roommates. At some point, the thought of planning vacations and spending the rest of your life with this person becomes unappealing.

How common is this? We are first time parents and ever since the baby, this has been my feelings towards DH...100%. No I do not have PPD.

Pretty common among the divorced set. Of course, just as many, if not more, choose to remain miserable together. Another big wave of those hit divorce one the last kid leaves for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many times the wife gets old and fat

So interesting that the wife alone aged in those relationships.

[Anonymous]

My sister got tired of her husband giving her NOTHING back emotionally. Literally asking everyone at the table how their day was...except her. He was like a robot. It caused her to lose all interest in physical intimacy.

Years later she is in a great relationship with a much more healthy, warm guy. Win for her. Her ex moved in with his sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Starter marriage - incompatibility we all could have seen coming mile away

If they do it with you, they will do it to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been married almost 40 years with most of our friends being married 30-40 years. I can definitely see a difference between happy couples and those who seem to be coasting along in their relationship. But I sense that at this point in their lives divorce is unlikely to happen. Being 60+ and being alone by choice is a pretty lonely prospect especially for women. I assume that sex is still a part of the happy couples lives and it certainly is with ours.

says who? I know plenty of 60+ "alone by choice" women and they seem very happy to me. obviously a fairy-tale relationship would be preferable (at any age and gender) but the lonely cat lady thing is a stereotype I've never seen borne out in my own observations.

As a woman in that category...I sort of disagree with the second poster. Now that my child is grown...the house seems too quiet and empty. Medical problems also loom...and going through that alone seems worse than with a supportive partner. So yes....I am thinking I will miss a partner more now than when I was younger. But then again, an unsupportive spouse (like many described on DCUM) is clearly worse than no spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My WOHM girlfriend was the primary breadwinner (and for most part she was the sole breadwinner). She disliked being married to her DH. She had an affair with a womanizer at work, believed that he would leave his wife and she divorced her DH. Later on she found that her AP was having affairs with 3 more women. She really managed to mess up her kids and break her family.

Another SAHM DW we knew was having an affair with a SAHD. She thought that the affair was love. Divorced her high earning DH who had no clue what went wrong. AP disappeared because no one wants to marry 40 yr old women with two kids. Kids are very messed up. DH who was cheated on, started dating shady women. He is in some trouble now.

A WOHM DW was having an affair with her DH's friend. Both married with kids. She got caught and she decided to divorce. She lost custody and has to pay alimony to her ex-DH. KIds are very messed up.

WOH DW was being abused my her DH. She was sick of being beaten. She divorced him. Now married to a nice guy and has a kid.

How is it possible to have so many loser friends?

Ha ha! Right? Growing up I did not know of any one who was divorced. I immigrated here in my 20s. and I have met all these people at work who are divorced. Things are changing in my country of origin as well. I am hearing more and more marriages breaking - usually it is abuse, addiction and adultery. I have not heard of people divorcing for other reasons.

I’d take that post with a grain of salt. The PP has a lot of stereotypes running.

I got married at 44 despite being divorced with two kids. Met DH around 40. He was 44, then. We dated a few years and he was ready to get married after a year. I was the reluctant one. I was pretty sure there was no reason to ruin a perfectly good relationship with marriage

Don't think there was no "abuse, addiction, adultery" in your home country. Women probably had not way out. Divorce can be the healthiest option in many cases.