Can't Decide on Wedding..

[Anonymous]

My fiancé and I are panning our wedding and can't agree on how big or small to have it. We are paying for it ourselves, but most of the money is from his savings. I really want a small wedding, but he thinks we should have a big wedding. My immediate family alone is 20 people. I think 50 friends and family is enough but he wants closer to 100. I feel like I already have everything I want and would rather use most of our savings for a down payment on a home. He thinks we can do both or just stay in his condo until we save up for a down payment. I feel like I got the ring of my dreams ( which I know was expensive) and I don't care about a big wedding. How can we compromise or decide?

[Anonymous]

Settle on 75 people. Or instead of cutting people, cut down on other costs.

[Anonymous]

His money, his wedding rules

[Anonymous]

Don't do it for the gifts (you mention that you have everything you need so I assume you are thinking there will be at least some gifts). My DC just got married, in a pretty high end wedding, and we were a little surprised at how many guests gave no gift at all, or some who gave very small gifts relative to their means. No complaints, and of course gifts are optional, just an observation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His money, his wedding rules

OP here. It's my money too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it for the gifts (you mention that you have everything you need so I assume you are thinking there will be at least some gifts). My DC just got married, in a pretty high end wedding, and we were a little surprised at how many guests gave no gift at all, or some who gave very small gifts relative to their means. No complaints, and of course gifts are optional, just an observation.

OP here. I could care less about gifts. We have money to buy our own. I just want a small ceremony with friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His money, his wedding rules

OP here. It's my money too.

But you said most of the wedding is from his savings, he bought the ring, you will move into his condo. It’s his money.

[Anonymous]

If you feel you already have everything you want, why can't he have something he wants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fiancé and I are panning our wedding and can't agree on how big or small to have it. We are paying for it ourselves, but most of the money is from his savings. I really want a small wedding, but he thinks we should have a big wedding. My immediate family alone is 20 people. I think 50 friends and family is enough but he wants closer to 100. I feel like I already have everything I want and would rather use most of our savings for a down payment on a home. He thinks we can do both or just stay in his condo until we save up for a down payment. I feel like I got the ring of my dreams ( which I know was expensive) and I don't care about a big wedding. How can we compromise or decide?

You're making this all about you, OP. Not a great way to start marriage. You got what YOU wanted -- the big ring -- but your fiance can't have what he wants - a bigger wedding. Why is it okay for you to decide how to allocate the money, but not your fiance? It sounds like he really values a bigger wedding and having more friends to celebrate with. Why is that wrong? If you want to spend the money on a down payment, maybe you could return your dream ring for something smaller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His money, his wedding rules

OP here. It's my money too.

But you said most of the wedding is from his savings, he bought the ring, you will move into his condo. It’s his money.

OP here. It is but I will be contributing money too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you feel you already have everything you want, why can't he have something he wants?

OP. Maybe I am seeing it from only my side. Maybe we compromise. I just don't think spending like $200k on a wedding is worth it. I did get a beautiful ring but he is the one that picked it out.

[Anonymous]

Cut back in areas like the cost of your dress or the number of flowers. They are not as important as including family and friends your husband wishes there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His money, his wedding rules

OP here. It's my money too.

But you said most of the wedding is from his savings, he bought the ring, you will move into his condo. It’s his money.

Male here and this is a ridiculous response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you feel you already have everything you want, why can't he have something he wants?

OP. Maybe I am seeing it from only my side. Maybe we compromise. I just don't think spending like $200k on a wedding is worth it. I did get a beautiful ring but he is the one that picked it out.

200k for a wedding for 100 people? that has to be a typo!

Is it about the number of guests or the total final price t
You want 50, he wants 100 - sit down and do a guest list together and see who those extra 50 guests he has on his list and ask why he wants them - genuinely - are they friends? family? people who invited him to their wedding? more distant family members w/ whom he still has a tie? work friends? Figure out what the # means to him.

If it’s about $$, figure out if there are ways to cut costs, and consider, if your incomes and savings are different if you should be paying proportionately vs 50/50. Come up with a 5 year budget plan that address wedding, normal life budget and buying a house and kids/daycare (if that’s on the 5 year horizon)..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you feel you already have everything you want, why can't he have something he wants?

OP. Maybe I am seeing it from only my side. Maybe we compromise. I just don't think spending like $200k on a wedding is worth it. I did get a beautiful ring but he is the one that picked it out.

What!!!!???? He seriously wants to spend 200k on a wedding. Don't do it, OP!