Can't Decide on Wedding..

[Anonymous]

Just think of the conversation you have around the options, the respect each of you gives to the others feelings, and the eventual compromise as practice for the inevitable differences that are ahead.

[Anonymous]

Big weddings are a waste of money. About 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce. The divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you feel you already have everything you want, why can't he have something he wants?

OP. Maybe I am seeing it from only my side. Maybe we compromise. I just don't think spending like $200k on a wedding is worth it. I did get a beautiful ring but he is the one that picked it out.

200k for a wedding for 100 people? that has to be a typo!

Is it about the number of guests or the total final price t
You want 50, he wants 100 - sit down and do a guest list together and see who those extra 50 guests he has on his list and ask why he wants them - genuinely - are they friends? family? people who invited him to their wedding? more distant family members w/ whom he still has a tie? work friends? Figure out what the # means to him.

If it’s about $$, figure out if there are ways to cut costs, and consider, if your incomes and savings are different if you should be paying proportionately vs 50/50. Come up with a 5 year budget plan that address wedding, normal life budget and buying a house and kids/daycare (if that’s on the 5 year horizon)..

Yup. You can invite 100 people to a wedding and pay less than $200k for it.

[Anonymous]

have his guest count at your budget and just plan a cheaper wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you feel you already have everything you want, why can't he have something he wants?

OP. Maybe I am seeing it from only my side. Maybe we compromise. I just don't think spending like $200k on a wedding is worth it. I did get a beautiful ring but he is the one that picked it out.

200k for a wedding for 100 people? that has to be a typo!

Is it about the number of guests or the total final price t
You want 50, he wants 100 - sit down and do a guest list together and see who those extra 50 guests he has on his list and ask why he wants them - genuinely - are they friends? family? people who invited him to their wedding? more distant family members w/ whom he still has a tie? work friends? Figure out what the # means to him.

If it’s about $$, figure out if there are ways to cut costs, and consider, if your incomes and savings are different if you should be paying proportionately vs 50/50. Come up with a 5 year budget plan that address wedding, normal life budget and buying a house and kids/daycare (if that’s on the 5 year horizon)..

OP here. He wants to invite people that he barely knows because hey invited him to a wedding like 5 years ago. He is super nice and I think he wants everyone to feel welcome. I’m sure I exaggerated the cost, but even $100k seems expensive. My limit is $50k and that’s expensive.

We are both older ( never married) at 35 and 37. We want two kids and plan on starting soon after the wedding. We both making good money, but spending hat much money on a one time memory is too much. I’d rather spend it on a house we will raise our kids in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My fiancé and I are panning our wedding and can't agree on how big or small to have it. We are paying for it ourselves, but most of the money is from his savings. I really want a small wedding, but he thinks we should have a big wedding. My immediate family alone is 20 people. I think 50 friends and family is enough but he wants closer to 100. I feel like I already have everything I want and would rather use most of our savings for a down payment on a home. He thinks we can do both or just stay in his condo until we save up for a down payment. I feel like I got the ring of my dreams ( which I know was expensive) and I don't care about a big wedding. How can we compromise or decide?

Does he know who these other people are? Actual friends or maybe work colleagues? There isn’t going to be a huge difference between 75 and 100. If you invite 100, probably only 75 will actually attend. It’s inevitable.

Also please don’t listen to the nasty poster about his money/his rules. It’s a partnership. Congratulations and have a lovely day.

[Anonymous]

Compromise on 75. But you should also seriously do some investigating first. We easily had a nice wedding for 85 people for 35k. Closer to 40 when adding in dress, hair, etc.

I think you need to do some investigating into prices before saying your way is the way to go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My fiancé and I are panning our wedding and can't agree on how big or small to have it. We are paying for it ourselves, but most of the money is from his savings. I really want a small wedding, but he thinks we should have a big wedding. My immediate family alone is 20 people. I think 50 friends and family is enough but he wants closer to 100. I feel like I already have everything I want and would rather use most of our savings for a down payment on a home. He thinks we can do both or just stay in his condo until we save up for a down payment. I feel like I got the ring of my dreams ( which I know was expensive) and I don't care about a big wedding. How can we compromise or decide?

Does he know who these other people are? Actual friends or maybe work colleagues? There isn’t going to be a huge difference between 75 and 100. If you invite 100, probably only 75 will actually attend. It’s inevitable.

Also please don’t listen to the nasty poster about his money/his rules. It’s a partnership. Congratulations and have a lovely day.

But so far it's been all what OP wants.

[Anonymous]

OP we just had a wedding for 120 and spent $80k and we did not skimp. $200k is insane. You should be able to do it for less than half that. What on earth does he have in mind for $200k?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you feel you already have everything you want, why can't he have something he wants?

+1 This was my thought too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:have his guest count at your budget and just plan a cheaper wedding.

This.

[Anonymous]

Wow, maybe I'm cheap but I agree with you, OP, 50k seems expensive for a wedding. Here's my question - is your fiance the kind of person who spends big on things without taking budget or future needs into account? I made the mistake of going along with a house that was too expensive because I thought my partner knew best and I regretted it for years afterward. If you knew that your fiance could spend this much on a wedding and then be sensible for the next 50 years, maybe I would go along with it. But is that likely?

I think you should insist he compromise as well. Invite 100 people but do it at a lower cost. You've got a lot of things to plan for in the years ahead and you shouldn't blow that much money on a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Op, call venues/caterers. Get a sense of what the $ amount will actually be. Then you talk it over.

[Anonymous]

The bigger the wedding, the faster the divorce. Exceptions for culturally-normal huge weddings with 300+ guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:have his guest count at your budget and just plan a cheaper wedding.

This.

+2.