Getting married in our 40s. How should we combine finances?

[Anonymous]

Just looking for stories or advice from people who got married later in life. What is your financial set up? Is there anything you did/didn’t do that you recommend?

[Anonymous]

Joint everything unless you have kids already

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids from previous relationships? That obviously is a huge deal. You have to make sure your kids are protected (getting at least 50% of your estate and life insurance). You may want to get additional life insurance for your new partner. You also have to discuss how much of your income is going to support kids (e.g. college funds). The best approach is probably to just decide on joint expenses, and have a joint account for that, and keep the rest for yourself in your own account.

Even if you have no kids from prior relationships, limiting your shared finances to joint expenses (mortgage, food, insurance, etc) is probably the best idea.

[Anonymous]

My friend got married first time at 44 and was a millionaire to a super hot 34 year old Catholic girl. Without our a nickel to her name she said NO, she has no plans ever to divorce. He went ahead, that was 13 years and three kids ago.

Both parties have to be on board

[Anonymous]

You should have separate account and one joint account for the shared stuff-- mortgage, groceries, bills, etc.
Then have other joint savings account for "Home improvements", "Vacations" or other joint items.
Since you have been on your own for a while, you probably don't want to have to explain or get permission from your purchases. Keeping it separate would avoid getting upset that your partner spent your money on something you didn't want your money to go to and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have separate account and one joint account for the shared stuff-- mortgage, groceries, bills, etc.
Then have other joint savings account for "Home improvements", "Vacations" or other joint items.
Since you have been on your own for a while, you probably don't want to have to explain or get permission from your purchases. Keeping it separate would avoid getting upset that your partner spent your money on something you didn't want your money to go to and vice versa.

This is a recipe for disaster once kids are in the picture.

[Anonymous]

OP here. There are no kids. We aren’t going to have them, either.

[Anonymous]

Are your incomes similar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Joint everything unless you have kids already

This. I have one minor child from a prior marriage. DH has an adult son who still files FAFSA. We are married several years now and only have joint checking for household expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have separate account and one joint account for the shared stuff-- mortgage, groceries, bills, etc.
Then have other joint savings account for "Home improvements", "Vacations" or other joint items.
Since you have been on your own for a while, you probably don't want to have to explain or get permission from your purchases. Keeping it separate would avoid getting upset that your partner spent your money on something you didn't want your money to go to and vice versa.

This is a recipe for disaster once kids are in the picture.

Too much work and too complicated

You’re either a team or your not. Having separate accounts doesn’t change the amount of money you have or don’t have

[Anonymous]

I believe in joint finances, however it won't work for everyone. Meaning if you partner spends significantly more than you, no way can that work without fighting about money. My husband and I are on the same page regarding finances, so we are doing great with joint accounts.

We had a pre nup drawn up. Him for his pension and me for my business. So that's something to consider if you have significant assets.

[Anonymous]

Don't. Separate accounts for everything. Decide how to split bills, and pay them individually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't. Separate accounts for everything. Decide how to split bills, and pay them individually.

We did this, and it works well for us. We have some joint investment accounts (and some that are not), and both our names are on all checking accounts, but there are accounts that my income goes into and I primarily spend from and vice versa. We have a general budget and are on the same page, financially, and always consult each other about major purchases (cars, etc), but I’d hate having to account for every $200 purchase I make. There are certain bills he pays and ones I take care of. It’s roughly equal, but it’s all our $$ in the end, so it doesn’t really matter. I think having the same approach to spending is more important than the mechanics of how your accounts are set up. It’s almost healthier to keep things more separate because you have to trust that your partner is doing the right thing (vs. constantly checking up on each other). Of course, that assumes that you do trust your partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe in joint finances, however it won't work for everyone. Meaning if you partner spends significantly more than you, no way can that work without fighting about money. My husband and I are on the same page regarding finances, so we are doing great with joint accounts.

We had a pre nup drawn up. Him for his pension and me for my business. So that's something to consider if you have significant assets.

All having separate accounts does in this situation is it allows you to ignore the problem. You eventually will end up fighting even if it’s when one spouse can retire and the other can’t. Instead you need to address the problem early on and not hide behind a separate account. It’s not a solution.

[Anonymous]

Have been married for over 35 years, and DH and I have always kept out money separate.

We split costs, usually by category. For example, I provided the down payment for the house and he paid the mortgage.

He is free to spend money on things I wouldn't--a fence around the yard is a recent example--and I can spend money on things he wouldn't (private trainer for an adult child with some medical issues).

It helps that we are both generally frugal and that our incomes have been remarkably similar over the years.