Getting married in our 40s. How should we combine finances?
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Anonymous
The answer is quite simple. We love each other and want to enter into a binding marriage because of that. We can’t live without each other and complete each other’s lives. I’m sorry that you married just for a sperm donor. How sad and pathetic. |
Anonymous
DON’T!!! Until there are other pressing needs for you to get married. Otherwise, most private schools will count your income as available for college payments, whether you want it or not. If his ex remarried, all four people will have to report their income. |
Anonymous
Interesting. I do this with my husband. Married in late 30s. He makes much more than me. We have separate accounts for everything - and because we both have a number of accounts, it was a pain to combine everything and now we are used to our arrangement. We split up the bills. It's not hard to do at all. I manage the household finances and we trust each other. We are both, however, on the same page about spending (though he is much more frugal). The lie is that you have to combine everything, change your name, get your marriage license, etc., all before or right after your wedding ceremony. Live at your own pace and if and when you are ready to combine because combining would be easier than living with separate accounts, then combine. But you don't have to do it right away. |
Anonymous
It seems I really have struck a nerve. I’m sorry. I married for love but with hindsight I wouldn’t. You can love him and be in a binding relationship without getting married. It seems to be just too much trouble. Look at you already posting on this thread and getting upset. Best of luck ! |
Anonymous
If he is not the custodial parent, its not a big deal however, mom could get mad and come after you for child support. My husband's ex tried that and as soon as we were married filed for an increase. They never asked for his income for college. |
Anonymous
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all money goes into one account, we discuss all bills, future purchases, etc. Married over 38 yrs, never a fight over money. We are both reasonable, have similar goals. Initially DW made more, then children & DH was sole breadwinner & has always made more. But neither of us owned a business, or had a huge inheritance. We are believe divorce is not an option, ever.
Gotta design a marriage that works for you, as a couple (or throuple..lol) |
Anonymous
LOL ok |
Anonymous
OP's response was so sweet and touching until it got nasty at the end. Own your choices without resorting to pettiness. |
Anonymous
NP. Of course you can. That is ridiculous to say. To answer the question, you should not join finances. |
Anonymous
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Oh my gosh, can we skip the alluding to the archaic idea that women are breeders and marriage is for securing the blood line?
People can get married if they want to. Some people can’t have kids or don’t want them. That’s okay. Next time you decided you are entitled to know why someone doesn’t have kids, STOP and consider that you might be bringing up a distressing topic for them. |
Anonymous
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We were 33 and 38 when we got married. Both of us were somewhat established. We each determined which things we wanted to keep out of marital money, balanced the amounts relatively, then set aside those money into new accounts only in the one name. Put those on the prenup. Everything else from that point on was marital. We were both comfortable with our banking, so we just left all of the accounts in place. We just added the other person's name to all of the accounts, credit cards, banks, credit union, etc. This way we didn't have to change direct deposits, change accounts, change CC's or anything else. Much easier to just keep using the same accounts.
We each pay for different things monthly, but it's all joint money. Because of the standard expenses that we each have, we have an automatic electronic monthly transfer of money from one account to the other. About every 2-3 months, we stop and review finances, what we've each been paying and what the interest rate on various accounts is. Takes about 3-5 minutes each time. We try to shift the majority of the liquid funds to the money market with the best interest and just keep a certain amount to cover the payments that we each make or we shift money from one account to another to help cover expenses. One of us ends up writing a check to the other about once a year to balance out accounts. But doing this means that we both have a decent idea of what we have in all of the accounts, and who is paying what and how much they cost. If either of us is unavailable or incapacitated, we can figure out the other's banking pretty easily and we won't end up with surprises. We use the rule that anything under $200 we each have full discretion on spending. Over $200, we discuss before spending. We've been happily married for 17 years and 2 kids and have no fights about money because we are both involved and responsible. |
Anonymous
Actually marriage is an archaic institution. People would get married for religious reasons, for economic reasons, for perpetuating the blood line. No one here asked PP why she does not have kids. The question was why get married at all and go through such hassle at the age of 40+. Presumably they are having sex already so the religious reason does not apply, and she has her own money, hence the question about the mingling of funds, so she does not have to marry the guy of his money, and them having kids is not in the picture. She answered she was in love, fair enough reason I suppose, but then inexplicably she got all pissy. |
Anonymous
This. I agree 200% with this poster. The two of you need to be honest with each other about how you feel most comfortable when it comes to money. |
Anonymous
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We got married at 29 & 35 and have kept finances separate, just having a joint CC we split proportional to our income. Like some other PPs, our incomes have been fairly similar over the years so this might be more difficult if there was a huge disparity.
In any case, I would never advise a woman (or man) to have ALL funds co-mingled so that you are completely dependent on someone. That is just irresponsible. |
Anonymous
| We did joint everything. One issue that may matter a lot is whether one (or both) of you have a lot of wealth (>$1 million), especially if it is family wealth. In that case, keeping everything separate and within the respective families may avoid a lot of tension down the road. |