Getting married in our 40s. How should we combine finances?

[Anonymous]

We kept everything separate and had a monthly joint payment for fixed expenses (ie DW gave me her share, I pay bills, she is less vigilant about that). Our income split about 70/30 and that’s how we split basic costs. The higher earner covered a lot of larger or unexpected costs.

Works, we each prefer it that way @ 30 yrs plus.

[Anonymous]

We married in our mid 30s. We've kept separate accounts and each pay certain bills. We also, however, have two joint savings accounts (one makes it easy to move money around to each other, the other is our emergency fund. I've been thinking of making all of our separate checking accounts into joint accounts, just in case one of us falls ill or dies, so that it's easy to keep paying the other person's bills. The couples who have just one pot have the advantage of simplicity and seamlessness.

One thing I'd recommend for all married couples is to create a Mint, You Need a Budget, or Personal Capital account, listing/aggregating all of your financial accounts. That way you can see the forest for the trees and can monitor spending/movement of funds/net worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We kept everything separate and had a monthly joint payment for fixed expenses (ie DW gave me her share, I pay bills, she is less vigilant about that). Our income split about 70/30 and that’s how we split basic costs. The higher earner covered a lot of larger or unexpected costs.

Works, we each prefer it that way @ 30 yrs plus.

P.s. based on finances now and relative ability, I pay 90%+ of ongoing expenses, vacations, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should have separate account and one joint account for the shared stuff-- mortgage, groceries, bills, etc.
Then have other joint savings account for "Home improvements", "Vacations" or other joint items.
Since you have been on your own for a while, you probably don't want to have to explain or get permission from your purchases. Keeping it separate would avoid getting upset that your partner spent your money on something you didn't want your money to go to and vice versa.

This is a recipe for disaster once kids are in the picture.

Too much work and too complicated

You’re either a team or your not. Having separate accounts doesn’t change the amount of money you have or don’t have

We have been doing this for 10 years now. Works for us! And we have 3 kids together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are late 30s and just got married last year. Had a kid just a couple months ago.

We have separate accounts for everything. We put everything on the joint credit card and we split the bill evenly every month. A typical monthly credit card bill is $4K and paid in full each month. We take turns paying the mortgage each month. When our kid goes into daycare, we will just likely take turns paying that. For example, if DW pays the mortgage in January, I will pay the daycare bill for January. In February, we switch bills. Vacations go on the credit card and are split. Our wedding was put on the credit card and split. We recently bought a car and paid cash - we each wrote a check to the dealership for our half. When we bought the house, we each paid half of the down payment and closing costs from our respective bank accounts.

It helps that we both have the same salary (about $175K each). We plan to make equal annual contributions to our kid's 529 (about $5K each). We both max out our 401Ks ($19K/yr). However, I have a lot more money than DW in the market while her savings account is 5x the size of mine.

I have student loans that I pay each month out of my own bank account. DW is debt-free and thus has significantly more spending money.

I pay for my own activities. For example, I go skiing with buddies a few times per year and I pay for that myself. DW likes to go to spas or Broadway shows with her sister, so she pays for that herself. DW buys a lot of clothes online, so she handles all that thru her personal credit card. We don't monitor each other's ancillary spending.

The joint credit card is the best way to keep separate finances. You can put pretty much every purchase - aside from a house or car - on the credit card and divvy it up at the end of the month.

sounds exhausting to me but i'm glad you guys figured out something that works for you

Yeah, that sounds like going Dutch forever. I would not have gone on a second date with a guy like this but whatever works for you.

[Anonymous]

Don't combine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Joint everything unless you have kids already

This. I have one minor child from a prior marriage. DH has an adult son who still files FAFSA. We are married several years now and only have joint checking for household expenses.

I am dating someone with teenage kids and I’m trying to figure out how me marrying him
Might affect the ability of his kids to get financial aid. Could you shed any light on that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We married in our mid 30s. We've kept separate accounts and each pay certain bills. We also, however, have two joint savings accounts (one makes it easy to move money around to each other, the other is our emergency fund. I've been thinking of making all of our separate checking accounts into joint accounts, just in case one of us falls ill or dies, so that it's easy to keep paying the other person's bills. The couples who have just one pot have the advantage of simplicity and seamlessness.

One thing I'd recommend for all married couples is to create a Mint, You Need a Budget, or Personal Capital account, listing/aggregating all of your financial accounts. That way you can see the forest for the trees and can monitor spending/movement of funds/net worth.

+1
We've literally never had a disagreement about money. But then, I don't think we would if everything was combined, either. We kept most things separate out of laziness, to be honest, and now it seems too late to change. We have kids and various expenses related to them as well, and somehow it's still fine. We use YNAB to track everything, and maybe that's why - when looking there it's like everything is combined anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. There are no kids. We aren’t going to have them, either.

Then just do joint everything. So much easier.

why marry at all if there will be no kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are late 30s and just got married last year. Had a kid just a couple months ago.

We have separate accounts for everything. We put everything on the joint credit card and we split the bill evenly every month. A typical monthly credit card bill is $4K and paid in full each month. We take turns paying the mortgage each month. When our kid goes into daycare, we will just likely take turns paying that. For example, if DW pays the mortgage in January, I will pay the daycare bill for January. In February, we switch bills. Vacations go on the credit card and are split. Our wedding was put on the credit card and split. We recently bought a car and paid cash - we each wrote a check to the dealership for our half. When we bought the house, we each paid half of the down payment and closing costs from our respective bank accounts.

It helps that we both have the same salary (about $175K each). We plan to make equal annual contributions to our kid's 529 (about $5K each). We both max out our 401Ks ($19K/yr). However, I have a lot more money than DW in the market while her savings account is 5x the size of mine.

I have student loans that I pay each month out of my own bank account. DW is debt-free and thus has significantly more spending money.

I pay for my own activities. For example, I go skiing with buddies a few times per year and I pay for that myself. DW likes to go to spas or Broadway shows with her sister, so she pays for that herself. DW buys a lot of clothes online, so she handles all that thru her personal credit card. We don't monitor each other's ancillary spending.

The joint credit card is the best way to keep separate finances. You can put pretty much every purchase - aside from a house or car - on the credit card and divvy it up at the end of the month.

sounds exhausting to me but i'm glad you guys figured out something that works for you

Yeah, that sounds like going Dutch forever. I would not have gone on a second date with a guy like this but whatever works for you.

This seems very fair and equal actually. What's wrong with going Dutch? You would have wanted the guy to keep paying for you? This couple make the same amount of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for over 35 years, and DH and I have always kept out money separate.

We split costs, usually by category. For example, I provided the down payment for the house and he paid the mortgage.

He is free to spend money on things I wouldn't--a fence around the yard is a recent example--and I can spend money on things he wouldn't (private trainer for an adult child with some medical issues).

It helps that we are both generally frugal and that our incomes have been remarkably similar over the years.

I haven’t been married this long but this is how we do it too and it works great for us. We have never felt like any less of a “team.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. There are no kids. We aren’t going to have them, either.

Then just do joint everything. So much easier.

why marry at all if there will be no kids?

Try to stay on topic. I know it’s hard when you’re trying to be an insufferable a**, but just try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have been married for over 35 years, and DH and I have always kept out money separate.

We split costs, usually by category. For example, I provided the down payment for the house and he paid the mortgage.

He is free to spend money on things I wouldn't--a fence around the yard is a recent example--and I can spend money on things he wouldn't (private trainer for an adult child with some medical issues).

It helps that we are both generally frugal and that our incomes have been remarkably similar over the years.

I haven’t been married this long but this is how we do it too and it works great for us. We have never felt like any less of a “team.”

I had a friend who did this with her husband and everything worked well for 20 years until he started making a lot more money. I think it works best when the incomes are similar and there are no kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. There are no kids. We aren’t going to have them, either.

Then just do joint everything. So much easier.

why marry at all if there will be no kids?

Try to stay on topic. I know it’s hard when you’re trying to be an insufferable a**, but just try.

lol
Can you answer though ? What's the point of getting married if you will have no kids?

[Anonymous]

Why do you need to combine? I’d start there.