Found out the guy I’m dating is waiting until marriage...

[Anonymous]

We like each other, talk every day, go out several times a week (started dating recently). Just found out that given his religious beliefs, he wants to wait until marriage to have sex. I’m late twenties, he’s early twenties. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We like each other, talk every day, go out several times a week (started dating recently). Just found out that given his religious beliefs, he wants to wait until marriage to have sex. I’m late twenties, he’s early twenties. WWYD?

Do you share similar religious beliefs? I had a friend who was a 35 year old virgin and despite being beautiful and smart, couldn't keep a boyfriend because she was saving herself. I later met a guy who wasn't a virgin, but decided to abstain until after marriage. I connected the two of them and they've now been married 5 years and have a 3 year old son.

[Anonymous]

Nonstarter. Multiple reasons:

- there's no way to determine if you are truly a good fit until after you sleep together and have that level of physical intimacy. Before that, you're only playing the roles of good friends. It's important to figure out if you have good sexual chemistry, but it's also important to get to know this person during overnight stays, and not just three hour date segments.

- He's early thirties and has no sexual experience. Maybe when i was young i would have fussed around with a 21 year old who didn't know how to satisfy my needs, but not at this age.

- If he's early 30s and never had sex, this -could- be explained simply by his religious beliefs. But statistically, it's far more likely related to his either having extremely low sex drive or being gay or having some kind of sexual issues. Run. Don't walk.

- He's extremely religious and you're not. It's highly unlikely you'll end up together long term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We like each other, talk every day, go out several times a week (started dating recently). Just found out that given his religious beliefs, he wants to wait until marriage to have sex. I’m late twenties, he’s early twenties. WWYD?

Do you share similar religious beliefs? I had a friend who was a 35 year old virgin and despite being beautiful and smart, couldn't keep a boyfriend because she was saving herself. I later met a guy who wasn't a virgin, but decided to abstain until after marriage. I connected the two of them and they've now been married 5 years and have a 3 year old son.

And they've probably had sex twice (marriage night, and conceiving their child). I guess if it floats your boat.

[Anonymous]

Are you religious? How do you feel about traditional gender roles? Are you willing to wait until marriage and then take the time to train him and hope for the best?

It would not work for me, but maybe it’s ok with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nonstarter. Multiple reasons:

- there's no way to determine if you are truly a good fit until after you sleep together and have that level of physical intimacy. Before that, you're only playing the roles of good friends. It's important to figure out if you have good sexual chemistry, but it's also important to get to know this person during overnight stays, and not just three hour date segments.

- He's early thirties and has no sexual experience. Maybe when i was young i would have fussed around with a 21 year old who didn't know how to satisfy my needs, but not at this age.

- If he's early 30s and never had sex, this -could- be explained simply by his religious beliefs. But statistically, it's far more likely related to his either having extremely low sex drive or being gay or having some kind of sexual issues. Run. Don't walk.

- He's extremely religious and you're not. It's highly unlikely you'll end up together long term.

Her post said he's early 20s.

However, your first bullet is enough. Non-starter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We like each other, talk every day, go out several times a week (started dating recently). Just found out that given his religious beliefs, he wants to wait until marriage to have sex. I’m late twenties, he’s early twenties. WWYD?

Do you share similar religious beliefs? I had a friend who was a 35 year old virgin and despite being beautiful and smart, couldn't keep a boyfriend because she was saving herself. I later met a guy who wasn't a virgin, but decided to abstain until after marriage. I connected the two of them and they've now been married 5 years and have a 3 year old son.

And they've probably had sex twice (marriage night, and conceiving their child). I guess if it floats your boat.

NP. You, PP, have no idea. They were on the same page in terms of values. That can make for a terrific marriage including a great sex life. You must assume that people who choose to wait to have sex actually are frigid. Nope. Sorry you're so narrow-minded.

[Anonymous]

Is he ok with other stuff? I think you can get a good feel for the type of lover someone will be if you can do 'everything but' so to speak.

But if he wants to deny basically all sexual contact until marriage that would be a non starter for me. It is a really important part of marriage and being able to be open and relaxed about it is a critical part of keeping it a healthy part of your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nonstarter. Multiple reasons:

- there's no way to determine if you are truly a good fit until after you sleep together and have that level of physical intimacy. Before that, you're only playing the roles of good friends. It's important to figure out if you have good sexual chemistry, but it's also important to get to know this person during overnight stays, and not just three hour date segments.

- He's early thirties and has no sexual experience. Maybe when i was young i would have fussed around with a 21 year old who didn't know how to satisfy my needs, but not at this age.

- If he's early 30s and never had sex, this -could- be explained simply by his religious beliefs. But statistically, it's far more likely related to his either having extremely low sex drive or being gay or having some kind of sexual issues. Run. Don't walk.

- He's extremely religious and you're not. It's highly unlikely you'll end up together long term.

Her post said he's early 20s.

However, your first bullet is enough. Non-starter.

Good catch. I misread. Early 20s is less terrifying that early 30s virgin. My suspicion is that early 20s virgin is likely to not be a virgin within 6 months of meeting the right woman. Depends if you think you could be that woman and hold out for that period.

[Anonymous]

I would break up with him. For two reasons.

1. If he's that religious, he's too religious for me.

2. I want to know the sex is good before we get engaged, let alone married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he ok with other stuff? I think you can get a good feel for the type of lover someone will be if you can do 'everything but' so to speak.

But if he wants to deny basically all sexual contact until marriage that would be a non starter for me. It is a really important part of marriage and being able to be open and relaxed about it is a critical part of keeping it a healthy part of your marriage.

This. If you spend any time on this forum, you know how quickly marriages go sour when the sex life goes sour. I've been with DH for 20 years, and we have a very healthy happy relationship (emotional and sexual), and honestly i don't even have a very high sex drive. But when we go two weeks without sex (he's traveling, then i'm on my period, then we have a few days of insane work - and suddenly it's been two weeks), we notice that it starts to impact our emotional connection pretty quickly. It has nothing to do with your need for sex - it just feeds into your overall marital health. Sex is way too important to a marriage than to risk on someone who may not want to have it, or who may not be good at it.

[Anonymous]

My sister married a guy like this, saving himself.
A year after they married (she was only 20 at the time, he was 22) she confided in me, in tears, that they still hadn’t consummated their marriage.
I put 2 and 2 together and figured the reason he was “saving himself” was he was either gay or had some dysfunction.
She ended up divorcing him.

[Anonymous]

If it was a woman, everyone would be saying the man need to respect her boudaries and beliefs. Since this is DCUM, the man is automatically at fault and they need to break up over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it was a woman, everyone would be saying the man need to respect her boudaries and beliefs. Since this is DCUM, the man is automatically at fault and they need to break up over it.

No, if it were a woman everyone would be saying that she has zero sex drive and is super religious and to plan accordingly. No difference here.

[Anonymous]

Never never never
Red flag, I would move on. Sorry!