Found out the guy I’m dating is waiting until marriage...

[Anonymous]

I would be too worried he were gay, asexual, or concealing a micropenis.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are both religious and waited.

We have a happy, healthy sex life and marriage. Your sexual needs change over time. If sexual compatibility while you are dating was a good determinant of whether you will be sexually compatible forever, would we have so many posts where people who had sex while dating have sexual problems later in the marriage?

Just another perspective.

But back to the OP, if you don’t share the same fundamental values with someone, you can be friends but not date or marry. Move on to someone who you are compatible with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We like each other, talk every day, go out several times a week (started dating recently). Just found out that given his religious beliefs, he wants to wait until marriage to have sex. I’m late twenties, he’s early twenties. WWYD?

Give up the butt.

[Anonymous]

If you’re not a virgin, is he going to be bothered by it/judge you for that?

I agree that unless you’re also very religious, it’s probably not the relationship you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We like each other, talk every day, go out several times a week (started dating recently). Just found out that given his religious beliefs, he wants to wait until marriage to have sex. I’m late twenties, he’s early twenties. WWYD?

Do you share similar religious beliefs? I had a friend who was a 35 year old virgin and despite being beautiful and smart, couldn't keep a boyfriend because she was saving herself. I later met a guy who wasn't a virgin, but decided to abstain until after marriage. I connected the two of them and they've now been married 5 years and have a 3 year old son.

And they've probably had sex twice (marriage night, and conceiving their child). I guess if it floats your boat.

Who do you think she is, Carrie's mother? I don't ask them about the nuances of their sex life, but I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am also religious and recognize sex as being sacred. I am not a virgin but I don’t sleep around. New BF is okay with some sexual acts but not intercourse itself. I’m happy to keep dating - he’s the first guy I’ve really liked in a long time - but this isn’t a situation I’ve found myself in with a potentially serious boyfriend before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am also religious and recognize sex as being sacred. I am not a virgin but I don’t sleep around. New BF is okay with some sexual acts but not intercourse itself. I’m happy to keep dating - he’s the first guy I’ve really liked in a long time - but this isn’t a situation I’ve found myself in with a potentially serious boyfriend before.

Date him and see how it goes. Honestly, I think you’ll be far better off with him than many of the porn-obsessed guys that are in the dating pool now.

[Anonymous]

I’m moderately religious and have quite a few religious friends since I went to a pretty conservative religious college. I know a number of folks who intended to wait until marriage (though I’m pretty sure that most of them didn’t quite make that goal). Lots of religious folks get married pretty young, partially because they really DO want to have sex regularly. So, if it works out with this guy, I would expect him to quickly want to move towards marriage. If you’re more thinking about a 3-5 year timeline towards marriage, that’s probably not going to work out.

Also, you’ll probably want to be on birth control or have some condoms around anyways, just in case you end up going further than he intended. (Unplanned pregnancies also somewhat common in religious communities because no one wants to admit ahead of time that they’re going to go ahead and have sex...easier to mentally justify it if you just get swept away.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am also religious and recognize sex as being sacred. I am not a virgin but I don’t sleep around. New BF is okay with some sexual acts but not intercourse itself. I’m happy to keep dating - he’s the first guy I’ve really liked in a long time - but this isn’t a situation I’ve found myself in with a potentially serious boyfriend before.

Date him and see how it goes. Honestly, I think you’ll be far better off with him than many of the porn-obsessed guys that are in the dating pool now.

Good point, but jeez, I really feel strongly it’s a red flag.

[Anonymous]

My husband has a friend who was 'saving himself' and wasn't particularly religious - just super believed in marriage and having that be special. His wife wasn't thrilled, but... they seem super happy now ten years in, with one planned and one 'surprise' kid after. Depends on the rest of him I would think - it wouldn't be a full on deal breaker for me if I really understood the reasons and really liked everything about him. That said... you're both in your early 20's - I sure wouldn't rush into marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would break up with him. For two reasons.

1. If he's that religious, he's too religious for me.

2. I want to know the sex is good before we get engaged, let alone married.

Yes this.

[Anonymous]

My sister was a virgin until she married at 26. That in 1995. I have never known a couple more obsessed with sex. It did not mean low drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am also religious and recognize sex as being sacred. I am not a virgin but I don’t sleep around. New BF is okay with some sexual acts but not intercourse itself. I’m happy to keep dating - he’s the first guy I’ve really liked in a long time - but this isn’t a situation I’ve found myself in with a potentially serious boyfriend before.

Date him and see how it goes. Honestly, I think you’ll be far better off with him than many of the porn-obsessed guys that are in the dating pool now.

True Dat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am also religious and recognize sex as being sacred. I am not a virgin but I don’t sleep around. New BF is okay with some sexual acts but not intercourse itself. I’m happy to keep dating - he’s the first guy I’ve really liked in a long time - but this isn’t a situation I’ve found myself in with a potentially serious boyfriend before.

Date him and see how it goes. Honestly, I think you’ll be far better off with him than many of the porn-obsessed guys that are in the dating pool now.

Good point, but jeez, I really feel strongly it’s a red flag.

Eh. He doesn’t want to get a Thot pregnant. If there were NO sexual act then that might be a red flag. He could be making all
Of this up to make the sexual relationship only oral. Quite brilliant.

The red flag isn’t that a man doesn’t want to be promiscuous. It is so rare and against most men’s nature to be comfortable going long periods of time without sex - even men in jail turn “gay for the stay”. It’s like a chemical buildup if they don’t get it out somehow. So I’d be more conver Ned if that were being repressed.

The good thing about dating a guy like that is you know if it’s going to move forward or not pretty quickly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are both religious and waited.

We have a happy, healthy sex life and marriage. Your sexual needs change over time. If sexual compatibility while you are dating was a good determinant of whether you will be sexually compatible forever, would we have so many posts where people who had sex while dating have sexual problems later in the marriage?

Just another perspective.

But back to the OP, if you don’t share the same fundamental values with someone, you can be friends but not date or marry. Move on to someone who you are compatible with.

+1