Found out the guy I’m dating is waiting until marriage...
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Anonymous
He sounds like a keeper; an honest, stand-up guy who won’t compare you to previous lovers. |
Anonymous
| Guys are not virgins, some claim to be, none are |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
Yup, a player |
Anonymous
Yup |
Anonymous
Where’d you read this, Cosmo? |
Anonymous
| Woman here...my DH and I were late teens / in college when we met. We were both virgins and I liked the idea of waiting to marriage. We ended up having sex about two years after we started dating. It wasn’t great at first but we figured out what we‘re doing and the long history of friendship and communication helped. Despite small children we try to still have an active sex life. I suspect (either through marriage or through him chasing his mind) you’ll have sex within a year or two. Only you know if you want to wait that long. Also, by then if you’re in love and the sex isn’t good you might feel stuck if it’s not good. However, I think sex can improve but the connection is there or it isn’t. |
Anonymous
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Sooo, I have some personal experience. He wasn’t deliberately waiting. Just from a religious family and a virgin.
I too came from an evangelical background which, while I had walked away from it, can create complicated feelings about sexual relationships. Your guy may have some baggage about sex when he starts to engage in it. With all of the messaging within some Christian communities about sex being dirty, bad, sinful, etc. outside of marriage, it’s really hard to flip a switch psychologically on one’s wedding day and enjoy it guilt-free. My other caution is that some people are just bad at sex. Having multiple partners and time helps you learn to be better. But if you rob yourself of both, there’s no way to get better. It’s really, really difficult to be partnered with someone you love personally who’s just terrible at the act. Yes, communication helps. But it’s a little like teaching a non-athletic person to dance late in life without being able to take lessons or watch other people. Once the initial enthusiasm for each other dies down, you can end up stuck with a clueless partner, and it’s a challenging thing to navigate. |
Anonymous
| Womp Womp. No thank you. |
Anonymous
| I’d run for the hills. But then again, religion creeps me out (for the record, I grew up in an evangelical household— purity rings and all.). I could not be married to someone who holds such a vastly different set of values and beliefs than I do. That being said, if you’re a Sunday Christian, maybe you can make it work. |
Anonymous
Whatever religious teachings he is following that forbids sex right now, also forbids everything else you've been doing while naked, and even getting naked. For sure the rules don't way, anything other than actual PIV penetration is OK. That said, it does sound like one big tease. I'd actually love to date a woman where we make a pact to wait, while doing "everything else." But not wait until marriage. Just some length of time like 30 days where we learn each other's bodies and how we respond to oral and other pleasures. Then finally, the big night. |
Anonymous
| You are late 20s and he is early 20s? That's tough for other reasons too UNLESS you are the same serious religion. |
Anonymous
I hate to break it to you, but plenty of religious and sexually repressed people are secretly watching a LOT of porn and have a ton of issues. Not saying this guy does, but I wouldn’t assume he’s watching less than the guys who actually have sex. |
Anonymous
| I know several people where the BF (then DH) wanted to wait until marriage. None has worked out 20 years later. Two ended up coming out as gay eventually. One is super asexual. |
Anonymous
Exactly. |