Found out the guy I’m dating is waiting until marriage...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nonstarter. Multiple reasons:

- there's no way to determine if you are truly a good fit until after you sleep together and have that level of physical intimacy. Before that, you're only playing the roles of good friends. It's important to figure out if you have good sexual chemistry, but it's also important to get to know this person during overnight stays, and not just three hour date segments.

- He's early thirties and has no sexual experience. Maybe when i was young i would have fussed around with a 21 year old who didn't know how to satisfy my needs, but not at this age.

- If he's early 30s and never had sex, this -could- be explained simply by his religious beliefs. But statistically, it's far more likely related to his either having extremely low sex drive or being gay or having some kind of sexual issues. Run. Don't walk.

- He's extremely religious and you're not. It's highly unlikely you'll end up together long term.

Yes that is the only important thing about sex. Guys can get off into a pie so their sexual satisfaction is unimportant.

[Anonymous]

Funny. All the people on this forum are so worried about making sure the sex is good before they get married, only to see their sex lives and marriages fizzle as their husbands who were, apparently, so good in bed, become more interested in porn or someone else than their aging wives. Does it ever occur to people that it is that kind of approach that leads to misery later on? You can tell if you have chemistry without having sex. But you can tell what kind of a man he is if he has slept around for years and years before settling down...

[Anonymous]

Would you buy a pair of shoes without trying them on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is every kind of sex off the table, or just PIV? Is he OK with oral? Butsects? Maybe you can work this out.

He’s not okay with intercourse, but we have been naked together. (It’s an anonymous forum, right?) He’s sensitive and sensual and in touch with his body.

[Anonymous]

If you think you are truly, madly, deeply in love with him, maybe. But if not, move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny. All the people on this forum are so worried about making sure the sex is good before they get married, only to see their sex lives and marriages fizzle as their husbands who were, apparently, so good in bed, become more interested in porn or someone else than their aging wives. Does it ever occur to people that it is that kind of approach that leads to misery later on? You can tell if you have chemistry without having sex. But you can tell what kind of a man he is if he has slept around for years and years before settling down...

It is interesting that women never consider sex has to be good for both people. Who wants to be with someone who is only concerned about their pleasure.

[Anonymous]

I tried to date a man like this once. Super religious (did not entirely realize the extent of his commitment to his church for a hot second), while I am not. I respected it, and respected his desire to wait, not thinking it was a huge deal for me.

The problem being he was 35 and well, desperately didn't want to be waiting any more. Which made him want to explore, but not actually have sex. All of which was fine with me until we came to the guilt portion of the experience. Every time he even had a sexual thought he would rack himself with guilt, then stop talking to me, then start thinking that everything that happened to him was God's punishment for touching a woman. Was hard to not feel like I wasn't good enough or Godly enough or pure enough for him when he went through the guilt thing over it.

It was a mindf*ck on a level I didn't know existed and screwed me up for quite a while. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

If you are OK with this and this guy doesn't have the guilt issue that so many of these religious-types seem to have around sex, then why not see where it goes. But if he does the guilt thing, I'd run as far and fast as you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tried to date a man like this once. Super religious (did not entirely realize the extent of his commitment to his church for a hot second), while I am not. I respected it, and respected his desire to wait, not thinking it was a huge deal for me.

The problem being he was 35 and well, desperately didn't want to be waiting any more. Which made him want to explore, but not actually have sex. All of which was fine with me until we came to the guilt portion of the experience. Every time he even had a sexual thought he would rack himself with guilt, then stop talking to me, then start thinking that everything that happened to him was God's punishment for touching a woman. Was hard to not feel like I wasn't good enough or Godly enough or pure enough for him when he went through the guilt thing over it.

It was a mindf*ck on a level I didn't know existed and screwed me up for quite a while. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

If you are OK with this and this guy doesn't have the guilt issue that so many of these religious-types seem to have around sex, then why not see where it goes. But if he does the guilt thing, I'd run as far and fast as you can.

This is OP, and this hasn’t been my experience with my new BF. We’ve been sexual (sans intercourse) and he’s okay with that.

[Anonymous]

I love these "everything but intercourse" religious types.

[Anonymous]

Well, you have to make the decision for yourself. Is he a Lickalottapus? That could go a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nonstarter. Multiple reasons:

- there's no way to determine if you are truly a good fit until after you sleep together and have that level of physical intimacy. Before that, you're only playing the roles of good friends. It's important to figure out if you have good sexual chemistry, but it's also important to get to know this person during overnight stays, and not just three hour date segments.

- He's early thirties and has no sexual experience. Maybe when i was young i would have fussed around with a 21 year old who didn't know how to satisfy my needs, but not at this age.

- If he's early 30s and never had sex, this -could- be explained simply by his religious beliefs. But statistically, it's far more likely related to his either having extremely low sex drive or being gay or having some kind of sexual issues. Run. Don't walk.

- He's extremely religious and you're not. It's highly unlikely you'll end up together long term.

He's early twenties.

[Anonymous]

If sex is not important to you then go for it. If it is, I wouldn't take the chance. I think it's quite likely that a guy like that is trying to hide something. It's also possible he's not and you would be sexually compatible and screw like rabbits until you're in your 80s. Who knows?

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of guys like this who aren't super religious make this choice because they have this old-fashioned fantasy that sex is special and something to be sacrificed for. Men were brought up watching romantic movies, listening to romantic songs, etc. Man here. I was like this too until I came to my senses.

Now I realize that men are the true romantic people -- not women. Women themselves do not realize this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We like each other, talk every day, go out several times a week (started dating recently). Just found out that given his religious beliefs, he wants to wait until marriage to have sex. I’m late twenties, he’s early twenties. WWYD?

This describes everyone at my church. It's no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of guys like this who aren't super religious make this choice because they have this old-fashioned fantasy that sex is special and something to be sacrificed for. Men were brought up watching romantic movies, listening to romantic songs, etc. Man here. I was like this too until I came to my senses.

Now I realize that men are the true romantic people -- not women. Women themselves do not realize this.

I actually completely agree. This is my observation as well. (Re: men being the true romantics.)