Ask me anything: I am a kept woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found it weird that she would have a cockapoo (a "new," "designer" dog) and yet would also volunteer for a dog rescue organization, who are typically against designer breeds. If you care so much about rescuing pets from shelters so they won't die, why did you waste your $$ and time buying a designer breed? Why didn't you adopt one from a rescue org. or a shelter?

Echoing the PP who said, go to a nail salon.

This is how a lot of millenials are. Don't expect it to make sense at a deep level.

[Anonymous]

What is also weird is:

(and this is totally anecdotal)

But I only know one other person IRL who was an interior design grad at MU (a girl I knew in high school) and she was married by an older man, SUUUUUUPER rich, and he provides her with a lifestyle which sounds similar to OP's (and OP's john's wife's).

What is it with MU interior design program and rich men? Are they trolling the program for young potential spouses (or other) who can decorate their homes and enhance their rich lifestyle, or what??

I know many other MU grads, of diff. majors, who are NOT like this AT ALL. But it's the interior design program. Maybe b/c it is the only interior design program in the area, it attracts more than just the typical Catholic school girl who is looking for a Catholic college experience?

Which reminds me, OP: *are* you Catholic? If not, did you feel or learn or gain anything by the Catholic nature of your undergrad? Did you ever go to Mass?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found it weird that she would have a cockapoo (a "new," "designer" dog) and yet would also volunteer for a dog rescue organization, who are typically against designer breeds. If you care so much about rescuing pets from shelters so they won't die, why did you waste your $$ and time buying a designer breed? Why didn't you adopt one from a rescue org. or a shelter?

Echoing the PP who said, go to a nail salon.

This is how a lot of millenials are. Don't expect it to make sense at a deep level.

Yeah, you may be right!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Some of you were ganging up on her. Go tend to your husband's.

Do you think people should be supportive of the Op's lifestyle? "Go for it giirrrlll!!" Come on, the Op knew from the get go that she wasn't going to be applauded for being a "kept woman". She knew that her story was going to be controversial. Even so, most of the posters seem more interested in setting her straight than bashing her.

Seriously. I haven't said anything mean to the OP, but I find it hilarious that some PPs are shocked -- SHOCKED -- that many posters find the OP to be offense. OP knows her behavior is offensive, which is why she started an AMA thread about it.

Are people supposed to be applauding her?

You clearly know the difference between finding a behavior offensive and attacking the person. Nice try on the applause point, though.

Saying "nice try" does not automatically dismiss what another person said, as much as you wish it would.

I don't feel sorry for the OP. She knew she would be "attacked". And yes, while not a threat to me personally, it is normal for some people to feel threatened by a woman who has no qualms about carrying on a years long affair with a married father, taking time and money away from his young children. That falls into the very definition of a threat -- also not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Last night, I was listening to NPR, and they were talking about how, supposedly, Vanity Fair has a new article out about (or by?) Monica Lewinsky and where she is today at 40. It made me think of this thread and think, "If OP is not careful, she is going to end up like ML: single, going nowhere very fast."

I know a lot of girls who were somehow also "off the market' in their 20s and for one reason or another, it seems like all of them are now still single at our age (40). It's pretty crazy, but the 20s are a pretty important time and you don't want to waste them. Time flies faster than you think (ain't that the truth!) WAH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found it weird that she would have a cockapoo (a "new," "designer" dog) and yet would also volunteer for a dog rescue organization, who are typically against designer breeds. If you care so much about rescuing pets from shelters so they won't die, why did you waste your $$ and time buying a designer breed? Why didn't you adopt one from a rescue org. or a shelter?

How do you know she didn't adopt the cockapoo? There are plenty of purebred dogs available through rescue organizations. I don't think of a cockapoo as anything particularly new or fancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I found it weird that she would have a cockapoo (a "new," "designer" dog) and yet would also volunteer for a dog rescue organization, who are typically against designer breeds. If you care so much about rescuing pets from shelters so they won't die, why did you waste your $$ and time buying a designer breed? Why didn't you adopt one from a rescue org. or a shelter?

Actually, I don't think that's weird at all. There's a wide variety of dogs available via rescue, and a lot of mixed breeds are just given the closest name — like cockapoo. I had a maltipoo from a rescue. Maltipoos can be expensive designer dogs, but believe me, this one wasn't. in fact, rescue dogs are slightly more likely to be either purebred or mostly of a particular type, because people organize around rescuing particular breeds. Odd, but true!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Some of you were ganging up on her. Go tend to your husband's.

Do you think people should be supportive of the Op's lifestyle? "Go for it giirrrlll!!" Come on, the Op knew from the get go that she wasn't going to be applauded for being a "kept woman". She knew that her story was going to be controversial. Even so, most of the posters seem more interested in setting her straight than bashing her.

Seriously. I haven't said anything mean to the OP, but I find it hilarious that some PPs are shocked -- SHOCKED -- that many posters find the OP to be offense. OP knows her behavior is offensive, which is why she started an AMA thread about it.

Are people supposed to be applauding her?

It is that they seem so threatened by it that they are trying to extract some remorse from her, or prove to her that she is damaged. It telegraphs that the posters are somehow threatened by this.

No, it telegraphs that the posters are alarmed for this woman. Seriously. There is no jealousy. None of us want to be in her shoes. It's sad.

Totally agree. I couldn't be less threatened by her. I find her alarmingly odd, actually.

[Anonymous]

I don't find her particularly alarming or threatening. But an AMA is not very interesting when it dissolves into hysterical ravings by other posters. We didn't click on this thread to read a bunch of namecalling.

[Anonymous]

I have a question for the OP.
I've been reading the thread on and off so maybe this was asked before, sorry about that.

You did not start as a "kept women". You said you met this older guy while in college and it progressed to this arrangement you have now, but the car, apartment and credit card were not offered from the get go. At least that was my impression. So it started like a regular dating thing?
At some point you found out he was already engaged to someone else and soon to be married. What was it like?

While I can understand that you like the lifestyle and the tradeoffs seem to work for you, they were not there at the beginning. What made you put up with being the other women if you insist you don't love him or care at all if it ends tomorrow and you can easily find a job and have a very fulfilling life?

And on a personal note and talking from experience, don't kid yourself that your actions and his are not hurting or affecting his children. They are young, but they will suffer. I can guarantee you that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't see how someone who makes less than 1 million dollars a year (and thats at the min) can afford to support another person entirely. By the time you pay for all your cars, your house, your retirement, your wife and childrens needs, your vacations, etc to have enough left over for a.) to support someone entirely b.) without your wife realizing another 70k or so net is gone seems so unlikely.

My husband makes about $1M. I am sure he does not have a mistress that he supports and we have a very happy marriage, but to answer this question, I do not pay close enough attention to our finances that I would notice if $70K or so was "missing." I am the one who goes through the mail and opens the bank statements and credit card bills, but I don't really look at them. When you have a lot of money, it is easy not to pay attention to the details. I would not have realized this before having a high HHI. When I was young and poor, I knew where every penny of my money was.

I had an affair similar to OP's. The man I was with controlled the money entirely and the wife had no idea he was spending upwards of $70k on an affair with a 20 year old while she was put on a tight leash financially. She had no idea how much was coming in or going out. It is certainly possible to hide that much and more if your income and spouse's involvement in your finances allow it.

I had an affair with a guy for almost a year and the only things he paid for, for me, were meals out and a pair of earrings. It wasn't a financially based relationship. I had my own money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why is a 24 year old "kept woman" with no kids posting on a site called DC Urban Moms and Dads?

She volunteers with kids, so stumbled upon this site.

[Anonymous]

So far I think the most interesting thing about this thread is the incredulity that many posters have about the OP and her boyfriend's ability to have genuine feelings for each other.

Y'all have a very romantic, idealized understanding of human affection. I hope that stems from having wonderful marriages, rather than overindulgence in Disney Princess movies.

I do not find it impossible to believe that the OP's boyfriend cares about OP, enjoys spending time with her, and does not mind the transactional part of their relationship. I do not have a hard time believing that there are other aspects to their relationship than sex and money. I also don't find it all that difficult to imagine the OP as being fairly content with her life the way it is right now, or her parents not being very interested in her life, or her not being particularly damaged or having trauma in her past.

People seem to need to believe that anyone who would engage in this sort of behavior is a sociopath who is unable to feel anything for anyone. I just don't think that. I think that it's possible for a man engaged in a multi-year affair to care about his wife, his mistress and his children. I think it's certainly possible for the OP to be fine with her paid-for apartment and her vacations, interested in her boyfriend but not his family, and still understand that showing up to his funeral and making a scene would be cruel to his family and unwilling to engage in that cruelty.

People have a complicated range of emotions. It's not as easy as "sleeps with someone's husband --> never respects anything else ever as long as she lives" or "accepts money for sex --> is automatically a horrible human being with nothing else to offer".

[Anonymous]

Actually, I find the most fascinating aspect the fact that the OP has no moral regard for her affair partner's children. The fact that she can completely absolve herself from any guilt caused by her part in their fucked up childhood.

[Anonymous]

it may be a Rohrschach test as to what each of us finds most fascinating or pertinent.

What I find most pertinent is how OP is at a crucial time of her life and does not seem to realize how much this could damage herself -- developmentally, emotionally, career-wise, etc. -- if she does not get out of this relationship soon.