Angry wife posting again

[Anonymous]

I am the angry wife whose husband threw away all her kids old clothes and toys that she was saving for her niece and other friends that most posters agreed was the problem in my marriage.

In the past week, I took the advice to heart and have made a lot of efforts and also just started ignoring him more. Here are some observations in that week:

1) Asked him to go shopping for a list of groceries that we needed in the house. Two of the items were plain yogurt and berries. He didn't buy any of the other items on the list because he didn't have enough cash on him. He didn't think to use a credit card since he generally uses cash. With the cash that he did have, he decided to buy blueberry yogurt because that resolved the issue of having to buy berries and yogurt separately. Again, he doesn't understand why I disagreed since it was a "good idea" and "what I wanted". Even after explaining that I wanted blueberries and yogurt separately, he insisted that they are the same thing together.

2) Asked him out to dinner. He insisted that the restaurant was closed so we could not go. I called the restaurant and confirmed that it was open. He said, "Okay, let's go." When I asked why he said the restaurant was closed, he insisted that he was telling the truth that he thought that from some "sign" that they do not have obviously. When I no longer wanted to go, he didn't understand why I was upset when he was willing to go to dinner.

3) He then asked me to dinner, but I told him that I had to work late. He then responded that he had to work late too and wasn't coming home until after midnight. When I pointed out that he wasn't asking me out to dinner, he said that he could have just done the work the next day. When I asked him to then go home to help with the kids so I could stay at work, he responded that he couldn't because he had to do work. When we discussed it further, it kept going around this same circle without any progress.

4) Knowing that I have an allergic reaction to milk, he added the kids' milk to my coffee instead of my non-dairy milk. He has never once done this before. After I drank it and said something to him because it tasted differently, he didn't say anything "oh". When I then asked him directly if he put in the milk that I cannot drink, he said that he did. He said that it was fine because I noticed it and didn't understand why I was upset since it is not a big deal (upset stomach, no serious concerns).

5) When our daughter asked him to plug in her cell phone, he plugged it into an outlet that he knows doesn't work so that she didn't have it for school the next day. In the morning, when we pointed it out to him, he kept unplugging and plugging it into the same outlet, like he was expecting it to start charging when that outlet has never worked.

He was tested for Alzheimer's. He doesn't have it. He was tested for dementia and memory loss. He doesn't have it. He was then given an MRI and there is nothing wrong with him.

Again, he does these same things to our children and to his own family and friends. His family and friends barely have a relationship with him. Even though I work much longer hours, I have the better relationship with our kids who are also frustrated with him. He does not seem to understand it. The only place where he succeeds is his job, where he acts like a different person. I do not think that he is trying to make me crazy, but I know that he is thinking about it and doing and saying these things purposefully because he told me so, and he does not expect them to make me upset. But, yes, I am becoming more and more certain that there is something wrong with my husband. I am becoming certain that it is Asperger's because he does not have the normal reactions or emotions that most people would have. But the posters last time said that I was wrong. Could it be depression? Maybe he is depressed? What else could it be?

[Anonymous]

ADHD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ADHD?

NP. That was my first thought as well. Honestly, everything you posted seems like he is making an effort. It is not the results you want, but he does seem to be trying.

[Anonymous]

Personality disorder?

[Anonymous]

You seem a bit extreme. It doesn't seem like you get him as a person but are frustrated he doesn't get you.

It is quite possible that people at work don't see him as a total loser and so they treat him with respect and he returns it.

Did he feel he needed to be tested for dementia - what symptoms did he feel would warrant that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ADHD?

NP. That was my first thought as well. Honestly, everything you posted seems like he is making an effort. It is not the results you want, but he does seem to be trying.

same

[Anonymous]

OP.

THANK YOU! I think you are both right. He probably has ADHD that was never diagnosed. That makes so much sense, but I couldn't see it from here.

Yes, he is trying and confused a lot. He is not a bad person but he was making me into a bad person. I think we can get some professional help from here.

Thank you both.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like gaslighting to me. BTDT never again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the angry wife whose husband threw away all her kids old clothes and toys that she was saving for her niece and other friends that most posters agreed was the problem in my marriage.

In the past week, I took the advice to heart and have made a lot of efforts and also just started ignoring him more. Here are some observations in that week:

1) Asked him to go shopping for a list of groceries that we needed in the house. Two of the items were plain yogurt and berries. He didn't buy any of the other items on the list because he didn't have enough cash on him. He didn't think to use a credit card since he generally uses cash. With the cash that he did have, he decided to buy blueberry yogurt because that resolved the issue of having to buy berries and yogurt separately. Again, he doesn't understand why I disagreed since it was a "good idea" and "what I wanted". Even after explaining that I wanted blueberries and yogurt separately, he insisted that they are the same thing together.

2) Asked him out to dinner. He insisted that the restaurant was closed so we could not go. I called the restaurant and confirmed that it was open. He said, "Okay, let's go." When I asked why he said the restaurant was closed, he insisted that he was telling the truth that he thought that from some "sign" that they do not have obviously. When I no longer wanted to go, he didn't understand why I was upset when he was willing to go to dinner.

3) He then asked me to dinner, but I told him that I had to work late. He then responded that he had to work late too and wasn't coming home until after midnight. When I pointed out that he wasn't asking me out to dinner, he said that he could have just done the work the next day. When I asked him to then go home to help with the kids so I could stay at work, he responded that he couldn't because he had to do work. When we discussed it further, it kept going around this same circle without any progress.

4) Knowing that I have an allergic reaction to milk, he added the kids' milk to my coffee instead of my non-dairy milk. He has never once done this before. After I drank it and said something to him because it tasted differently, he didn't say anything "oh". When I then asked him directly if he put in the milk that I cannot drink, he said that he did. He said that it was fine because I noticed it and didn't understand why I was upset since it is not a big deal (upset stomach, no serious concerns).

5) When our daughter asked him to plug in her cell phone, he plugged it into an outlet that he knows doesn't work so that she didn't have it for school the next day. In the morning, when we pointed it out to him, he kept unplugging and plugging it into the same outlet, like he was expecting it to start charging when that outlet has never worked.

He was tested for Alzheimer's. He doesn't have it. He was tested for dementia and memory loss. He doesn't have it. He was then given an MRI and there is nothing wrong with him.

Again, he does these same things to our children and to his own family and friends. His family and friends barely have a relationship with him. Even though I work much longer hours, I have the better relationship with our kids who are also frustrated with him. He does not seem to understand it. The only place where he succeeds is his job, where he acts like a different person. I do not think that he is trying to make me crazy, but I know that he is thinking about it and doing and saying these things purposefully because he told me so, and he does not expect them to make me upset. But, yes, I am becoming more and more certain that there is something wrong with my husband. I am becoming certain that it is Asperger's because he does not have the normal reactions or emotions that most people would have. But the posters last time said that I was wrong. Could it be depression? Maybe he is depressed? What else could it be?

YOU!

[Anonymous]

ADHD or aspergers.

[Anonymous]

Adding to milk your coffee is unacceptable. I'm severely lactose intolerant. Something like that could derail my entire morning.

If someone loves you, then they treat you in a loving way. At the very least, they shouldn't be adding adding substances to your food that they know you are allergic to. If it was accident, he should've been apologetic instead acting like it was nbd.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

[Anonymous]

What’s his job?

[Anonymous]

Why was he tested for dementia/Alzheimer’s? How did that happen?

[Anonymous]

OP it is still you. You need to try another week where you just focus on yourself and your own reactions and stop worrying about what is “wrong” with your husband.

Last week the police came to your house because of your abusive behavior and this week you are mad about blueberries and convinced it proves you’re not the problem?

You need to start working on your own self with a therapist before you even think about policing your husband any more.

[Anonymous]

Get the outlet fixed, do your own shopping and stop complaining.