Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?

[Anonymous]

My daughter just started HS this week, and is extremely depressed that she did not end up in any classes or lunch with any of her (few) friends. She is extremely shy, and making friends has always been very difficult for her. The friends she has now, she has either known since elementary school, or she has become friends with them, through one of her existing friends. I know most people will say, that this is a good opportunity for her to learn to make friends from scratch, but the problem is, that doesn't happen. Every time she has had a class or activity where she didn't have an existing friend, she hasn't made any. However, if she has at least one other person who she is friendly with in the environment, she really comes out of her shell and interacts with other people. I know people will think I'm being dramatic, but I'm honestly afraid, that she won't make any new friends this year, and lose the friends she does have since she doesn't see them anymore. Would it be totally unreasonable for me to ask the counselor if she can be switched into at least a lunch (the school has four) with one of her friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter just started HS this week, and is extremely depressed that she did not end up in any classes or lunch with any of her (few) friends. She is extremely shy, and making friends has always been very difficult for her. The friends she has now, she has either known since elementary school, or she has become friends with them, through one of her existing friends. I know most people will say, that this is a good opportunity for her to learn to make friends from scratch, but the problem is, that doesn't happen. Every time she has had a class or activity where she didn't have an existing friend, she hasn't made any. However, if she has at least one other person who she is friendly with in the environment, she really comes out of her shell and interacts with other people. I know people will think I'm being dramatic, but I'm honestly afraid, that she won't make any new friends this year, and lose the friends she does have since she doesn't see them anymore. Would it be totally unreasonable for me to ask the counselor if she can be switched into at least a lunch (the school has four) with one of her friends?

I should add the school bases lunch on a kids 4th period class, so for her to switch lunches, they would have to switch her 4th period class.

[Anonymous]

Park your helicopter. She will survive.

[Anonymous]

They won't do it. Scheduling is a pain in the *** and they are not going to move things around so your daughter can be in classes with her friends. Can you imagine if they allowed this? They would get calls from every parent wanting to switch schedules around so they kids can have guaranteed friends in classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Park your helicopter. She will survive.

Thanks for the helpful response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Park your helicopter. She will survive.

Thanks for the helpful response.

NP but it’s true. They can’t cater to every whim like this or else it would be total chaos. Instead of focusing on trying to change her classes you need to focus on helping her learn to socialize and be independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Park your helicopter. She will survive.

Thanks for the helpful response.

NP but it’s true. They can’t cater to every whim like this or else it would be total chaos. Instead of focusing on trying to change her classes you need to focus on helping her learn to socialize and be independent.

And where do I buy this magic wand to make that happen?

[Anonymous]

What have you done to help her with her socialization. There will probably be a few kids in her same situation. This is an important skill to develop before college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Park your helicopter. She will survive.

Thanks for the helpful response.

NP but it’s true. They can’t cater to every whim like this or else it would be total chaos. Instead of focusing on trying to change her classes you need to focus on helping her learn to socialize and be independent.

And where do I buy this magic wand to make that happen?

With that attitude I can see why your kid has an issue making new friends.

[Anonymous]

I would talk with the counselor -- not to request a class change - - but to ask her help in helping DD to adjust to HS. I know it's really painful to watch and feel helpless but I'm sure she's not the first kid to have this problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Park your helicopter. She will survive.

Thanks for the helpful response.

NP but it’s true. They can’t cater to every whim like this or else it would be total chaos. Instead of focusing on trying to change her classes you need to focus on helping her learn to socialize and be independent.

And where do I buy this magic wand to make that happen?

None of us can buy this skillset--it's just something to learn over time by being forced into situations that are out of our control. You learn to adapt and get better at becoming more social or you just don't, and then that becomes who you are, which isn't wrong either. This is actually a good life lesson for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Park your helicopter. She will survive.

Thanks for the helpful response.

NP but it’s true. They can’t cater to every whim like this or else it would be total chaos. Instead of focusing on trying to change her classes you need to focus on helping her learn to socialize and be independent.

And where do I buy this magic wand to make that happen?

NP here, and I totally agree with the original commenter and the pp. Start by stop being a helicopter parent. The fact that you would consider this probably means that you have been a helicopter parent in many aspects. It is debilitating. You are causing this problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Park your helicopter. She will survive.

Thanks for the helpful response.

NP but it’s true. They can’t cater to every whim like this or else it would be total chaos. Instead of focusing on trying to change her classes you need to focus on helping her learn to socialize and be independent.

And where do I buy this magic wand to make that happen?

Uh, wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What have you done to help her with her socialization. There will probably be a few kids in her same situation. This is an important skill to develop before college.

I mean what does anyone do to help their kid with socialization? She lives in this world and interacts with people. She goes to public school, she does plenty of extracurricular activities (including theater, which she loves) I encourage her to make plans with people that she talks to and likes in these activities, but she is very shy. There's really nothing I can do to change this about her. I think it's her inborn personality, there are quite a few people in my family who are like this, and have literally barely made any friends in life, and I can honestly see her ending up the same way. However, when she meets people through a mutual friend, she is able to warm up and become friends with them as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What have you done to help her with her socialization. There will probably be a few kids in her same situation. This is an important skill to develop before college.

I mean what does anyone do to help their kid with socialization? She lives in this world and interacts with people. She goes to public school, she does plenty of extracurricular activities (including theater, which she loves) I encourage her to make plans with people that she talks to and likes in these activities, but she is very shy. There's really nothing I can do to change this about her. I think it's her inborn personality, there are quite a few people in my family who are like this, and have literally barely made any friends in life, and I can honestly see her ending up the same way. However, when she meets people through a mutual friend, she is able to warm up and become friends with them as well.

With this response, I'm left to ask--What's the problem? She's in activities, she has friends, and she sounds shy/introverted--I don't see an issue other than disappointment with her schedule. With all due respect, leave her alone and breathe deeply. She's not in classes with her friends. I get that it's disappointing, but she can either choose to make a new friend or two with the kids her classes, or she can just wait to see her friends at lunchtime or at theater. That's her choice to make and one she'll be faced with going forward when she's confronted with situations in which she doesn't know people.