Would it be too push for me to request my daughter be put in some classes with friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't ask to switch to classes with her friends, but I think if you could at least get her in lunch with friends that will be helpful. Obviously a lot of people here don't have social anxiety or debilitating shyness. It's for sure easier for some kids than others.

This exactly. The people who are claiming, "She'll be fine. She'll learn how to make friends." really have no idea what it's like for some people.

I’ve been both a teacher and a parent. Social anxiety can be debilitating for some people. It needs treatment not “tough love “ some people really don’t “survive” they make decisions that seem to work like drinking cutting etc etc and that’s not the answer.

Look, if OP's kid really has this serious of a disability, OP should be applying for an IEP and also getting her child help. Thing is, though, when kids are this needy, the kids they need don't always want the responsibility of taking care of them. Now, I doubt the school considered any of this when they made the schedule, but it's something to think about.

Wait didn’t I meet you on ugly PTA mom night?
That’s just being cruel. OPs kid is not a needy. Your post is just ugly. Perhaps reflects your character.

If OPs kid cant. And it through the school day without having time with specific people then she is needy. My post was pointing out that there are ways to deal with her needs besides burdening other kids. That’s not ugly. That’s just dealing with the reality of mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Don’t forget - it is the first week! My daughter has had to move schools a lot (locally) and always gets nervous at first. I would make lots of extra efforts to help her see her old friends outside of school - invite them over for a sleepover, movie, etc. Get her into some afterschool activities that her friends are in. And as the year goes on, she eventually will warm up and make a new friend. As soon as you hear about someone she might like, even suggest inviting new person over with old friends.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it, it's tough - my oldest took an unusual language when he was in MS (a super crowded one w/lots of different lunches) and wound up in a lunch w/o a single person he knew. He was coming in from a very small elementary and wasn't a super popular kid to begin with (not into sports.) I felt horrible about it. It took some time but he found a group of older kids who he got along great with. I think it has helped him become more resilient - he now knows he can go into a new situation solo and come out with a bunch of new friends. Good luck to your daughter!

[Anonymous]

OP if your daughter is in high school this is a conversation for HER to have with her counselors. It still may not go anywhere but it means a lot more when a kid advocates for themselves than when their parents try to step in and engineer stuff. I tell my students YOU AND I have the relationship- I want YOU to come to me with questions or concerns, not your mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if your daughter is in high school this is a conversation for HER to have with her counselors. It still may not go anywhere but it means a lot more when a kid advocates for themselves than when their parents try to step in and engineer stuff. I tell my students YOU AND I have the relationship- I want YOU to come to me with questions or concerns, not your mom!

This is why I like private school, which work in partnership with parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if your daughter is in high school this is a conversation for HER to have with her counselors. It still may not go anywhere but it means a lot more when a kid advocates for themselves than when their parents try to step in and engineer stuff. I tell my students YOU AND I have the relationship- I want YOU to come to me with questions or concerns, not your mom!

This is why I like private school, which work in partnership with parents.

Seriously? In high school? Are you going to college, as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if your daughter is in high school this is a conversation for HER to have with her counselors. It still may not go anywhere but it means a lot more when a kid advocates for themselves than when their parents try to step in and engineer stuff. I tell my students YOU AND I have the relationship- I want YOU to come to me with questions or concerns, not your mom!

This is why I like private school, which work in partnership with parents.

It’s not that I don’t when it’s warranted. If your kids need a makeup test, or to know what they’ll miss next Monday, or want to switch a class, that is between THEM and the teacher/counselor. IEP accommodations, health concerns, serious information I need to know about your kid and what’s happening in their life- by all means, contact me. “Why is this assignment graded this way?” Nope. That’s your kid’s question to ask me so we can discuss. Not yours.

[Anonymous]

I completely empathize, since my daughter is the same way. Unfortunately, the school probably isn't going to be able to change the schedule just to accommodate a social request, especially since there's no IEP in place that would document that this is a need. It doesn't hurt to try though.
I would suggest instead encouraging your daughter to work with the hand she's been dealt: maybe eating lunch outside, in the library or in a favorite teacher's classroom. (My daughter's art teacher would allow her to sit quietly in the back and work on art while the teacher conducted a class.) Make sure she maintains the friends that she already has by having her invite them over, arrange fun weekend activities, offer rides, etc.
Above all, don't over-react on this, or it will just feed her unhappiness and anxiety. I know it hurts, but you don't want to inadvertently send the message that you don't think she's capable of making friends.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't push, but encourage your DD to speak to the guidance counselor.

My son didn't have your daughter's social concerns, but he already disliked school and found it pretty unbearable if he knew he wasn't going to see his friends all day. He became pretty adept at coming up with reasons for section changes to be with his friends (without saying that he wanted to be with his friends).. "I don't want to take AP Physics late in the day because my ADHD meds start wearing off and it's hard to concentrate," or "so and so was such a great teacher, I really wish I could be in his class again. Are there any openings?"

It probably depends on how crowded the school is and how nice the guidance counselor is.

[Anonymous]

I have social anxiety and can relate. Yes - if you can try to switch her schedule around that would be great but if not you really need to get her to see a professional about her social anxiety. Even if her classes get switched, you should still help her out. This is just one year that her schedule is like this, maybe next year she will have classes with her friends. What will happen when she goes off to college and doesn't go to the same school as her friends? What about after that when she starts a job where none of her friends work at?

[Anonymous]

I work in a high school. We wouldn't change a schedule for this reason unless your daughter has an IEP with social-emotional goals, and her sped teacher feels that being around familiar students will mitigate her anxiety. Barring that, no changes would be made.

[Anonymous]

If your DD really can’t deal, tell her to go the library or some other open area and “study”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if your daughter is in high school this is a conversation for HER to have with her counselors. It still may not go anywhere but it means a lot more when a kid advocates for themselves than when their parents try to step in and engineer stuff. I tell my students YOU AND I have the relationship- I want YOU to come to me with questions or concerns, not your mom!

This is why I like private school, which work in partnership with parents.

Any why too many private school kids expect to everything handed to them on a platter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely empathize, since my daughter is the same way. Unfortunately, the school probably isn't going to be able to change the schedule just to accommodate a social request, especially since there's no IEP in place that would document that this is a need. It doesn't hurt to try though.
I would suggest instead encouraging your daughter to work with the hand she's been dealt: maybe eating lunch outside, in the library or in a favorite teacher's classroom. (My daughter's art teacher would allow her to sit quietly in the back and work on art while the teacher conducted a class.) Make sure she maintains the friends that she already has by having her invite them over, arrange fun weekend activities, offer rides, etc.
Above all, don't over-react on this, or it will just feed her unhappiness and anxiety. I know it hurts, but you don't want to inadvertently send the message that you don't think she's capable of making friends.

Thank you. This is the most realistic advice given so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Park your helicopter. She will survive.

Thanks for the helpful response.

NP but it’s true. They can’t cater to every whim like this or else it would be total chaos. Instead of focusing on trying to change her classes you need to focus on helping her learn to socialize and be independent.

And where do I buy this magic wand to make that happen?

Instead of asking to switch because of friends, you need to say your daughter REALLY wants to take the class that would get her in the lunch hour with friends.