if you overheard your child's peers talking bad about her...
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Anonymous
| what do you? I overheard girls making mean comments about my daughter in the bathroom at a meet this weekend and my heart just about shattered into a million pieces... |
Anonymous
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I would definitely say something to them. It doesn’t matter that they were talking about my kid or someone else. It takes a village, and these kids need to know that gossiping and mean girl behavior have consequences. Shut that nonsense down.
And if my kid was involved in something like that, I would hope a parent or teacher would do the same if they overheard it. |
Anonymous
| What did they say? |
Anonymous
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Why didn’t you SAY something??!!??? |
Anonymous
Exactly! You’re an adult! |
Anonymous
| Maybe do something nice for her to show you care. I know she did not hear it herself but maybe she feels the undercurrent of their sentiments. It willmake you both feel good if you do something thoughtful for her. |
Anonymous
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I'm sorry this happened. How upsetting!
First, don't say anything to your daughter. Second, it really depends on what the girls were saying and how they were saying it. Was it mean girl relational aggression (bullying)? That would need to be addressed from a coach/team perspective. Now, if it wasn't bullying behavior then you need to think about what it was. Was it girls being gossipy about your daughter because she is different from the typical group on the team? Or was there some positive element you can take from the comments to help her fit in better? You may have to digest it a little bit to get to the heart of what was happening and then how to address it. Third, once you know what happened and the root of why it was being said, then you know whether to get others involved (bullying) or whether to forget it ever happened or to talk to your daughter about elements of it (without disclosing why or what happened) ... |
Anonymous
That she's weird and annoying. "Wait, are you friends with Larla?" "No, definitely not." stuff too. |
Anonymous
| I would have walked out and spoke up. |
Anonymous
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I think it depends on what was being said. If they were criticizing her appearance, that’s not ok. But if they were talking about her skills or her behaviors, then you have to consider whether it was honest conversation. How you react depends on the type of comment.
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Anonymous
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Something similar happened to me-overheard a girl dd thought was a friend say something really mean about her to a couple of other girls. The girls she was talking to saw me and looked really embarrassed, and I made it super obvious to the mean girl that I had heard exactly what she said. I looked her straight in the eye and said in a flat, unemotional tone something like “that is not a nice thing to say about someone who is supposed to be your friend. Friends don’t say mean things about each other.” And I turned around and walked away.
I also then mentioned to dd later in an unrelated conversation that this particular girl might not be such a good friend. I didn’t tell her what was said, just that I wasn’t sure this particular girl treats her friends very well. |
Anonymous
| I'd encourage more opportunities for her to develop additional friendships. |
Anonymous
| If they were saying something DD does that they find annoying then I'd try to get DD to stop. But if they were just saying she's ugly or something then I'd have called them out on it. |
Anonymous
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Was it factual things? Were they commenting on their interpretations versus trying to be mean?
Kids don't have a lot of space / privacy the way that adults do to say what they really think. So it tends to be said more in public. Not everyone is going to be friends and that is okay. I would probably have spoken up and said that saying those kinds of things where others can hear can be very hurtful. |
Anonymous
And you said nothing because....? ? |