if you overheard your child's peers talking bad about her...
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Anonymous
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Seriously? What should OP have said? And don’t you think that would just add fuel to the fire?
OP, I’m so sorry. I can imagine how that hurt. |
Anonymous
+1. Three twelve-year-olds are talking about Larla being 'weird and annoying', and then a grown-ass woman barges out of a stall, butts in and screams: "No, she's not, you're a weirdo yourself!" Sounds like quite a debate! |
Anonymous
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Well, yeah if OP had done that, it would have been super cringey.
But OP easily could have walked out of the stall and looked the girls in the eye and said with equal parts empathy and quiet condemnation: "Ladies...please remember to be mindful of what you say in public. You really never know when you might be overheard, and I'm sure none of you would want to intentionally hurt someone's feelings."--and then turn and leave the bathroom. Even if they are only OP's casual acquaintances, they will likely feel at least a tad guilty enough to rethink the nasty way they were gossiping.(That may not change what they think, but hopefully it will change how they act on it.) Sorry, OP...that is not a good situation. And I agree that you shouldn't share this information with your daughter. |
Anonymous
| I am sorry OP, that must have hurt. Were these girls older than your DD? Have you seen your DD interact with these girls? Just wondering what the root cause of their comments. |
Anonymous
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Is your daughter weird? Find what’s weird about her and correct it. The teasing is only going to get worse as she gets older.
Letting your kid be an individual <<<<<< protecting their emotional and mental health |
Anonymous
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I’m sorry, op. That’s difficult for a parent to hear.
Yes, I’d like to think I would’ve called them out. Mentioned something about being fake, integrity and moral character, but who knows. It’s hard for me to distinguish what’s appropriate sometimes so I err on the side of caution. |
Anonymous
And oppression is so protective! 
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Anonymous
+2. OP, I'm so sorry this happened. I likely wouldn't have been quick enough on my feet to know what to say, or if anything even should be said. I agree that you took the best path to take time to process this rather than come out guns blazing. Unfortunately this mean girl behavior is very common. I overheard some of my 11 year old daughter's friends talking about her at her sleep over party after she got upset and stormed off. One "friend" suggested that they stop talking to her and not have anything to do with her. Luckily another friend said no, that would be petty, and that seemed to end that plan. I also said nothing (I was in a nearby room so they don't know I heard) to the girls or my daughter, and the girls are all still friends. It was soul crushing to hear. The one thing I would suggest is that if there's anything you could help your daughter with, then do that. I've been working with DD regarding how to stay calm and disagree, and not storm off. It's about giving her the tools to handle conflict, not trying to fit into the mold that her friends/some mean girls prefer. If there's any merit to the things said, then work on that to help your daughter with a smoother path in life. Hugs to you and your DD. |
Anonymous
Please tell me this is sarcasm... |
Anonymous
This is good advice. I would have said the same. |
Anonymous
| It would have stung, but I would not have said anything to the girls. With a bit of time I would begin to appreciate the heads up, that my daughter was not fitting in and might be struggling socially. If it all happened on their cells phones, I would be clueless. |
Anonymous
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This is such a tough age. When they are little, there is usually a lot of tolerance of difference and kids will generally play with anyone. At some point they start to develop independent personalities and some kids decide anyone with different tastes, interests or style than them is “weird.” Some of them grow out of it. Others never do and you see them commenting on dcum!
Even if your daughter has previously been friendly with these girls, it’s time for her to find her tribe. Find some clubs or a to kites this fall where she’s likely to find kindred spirits. I’d also say that it is worth figuring out to what extent she’s deviating from social norms and whether it’s worth giving or getting her some coaching to at least recognize the norms (so she can decide for herself when she wants to deviate from them). I don’t think people need to follow social cues or norms all the time, but they should at least be able to recognize them and decide when they want to be non-conforming. |
Anonymous
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If I thought confronting them really made a difference, change thier attitude... doubtful, more likely to laugh it off or add more fuel to fire.
If thier comments had some credence (behaviors I recognize in DD), I would try to work with my DD to change. If just petty, way off comments, I would steer my daughter away from thier friendship. Both follow up actions with my DD, without mentioning the convo. |
Anonymous
| Ok, first of all stop with the "mean girl" label. Girls are no more or less mean than boys! Second, people talk about other people. They do it all the time. The only thing that makes this different is that you overheard it. Someone you know and maybe like may well have said something not so terrific about you this week. I know it feels bad to hear but not everyone will like you nor will everyone like your child. Be glad your daughter didn't overhear it and move on. |
Anonymous
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OP you said this happened at a Meet?
Was this a sporting event? Would it be worthwhile to mention it to the coach and discuss their bullying policy and team-building efforts? |