11 and 9 yr old got into a serious fight
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Anonymous
| I have 3 kids 11 DD 9 DS and 6DS I had some work to do this morning, before we head to the beach tomorrow, so I told my kids they needed to occupy themselves for a few hours. My youngest comes up to tell me that my middle DS had kicked my oldest DD and they were now hurting each other. I come downstairs and they are literally on the ground beating the shit out of each other. I grab my DS and have practically throw him to get him to stop kicking his sister. Both kids have red marks that I’m sure will be bruises and scratches all over. This all started over a disagreement during a video game they were playing. This has NEVER happened before. My boys sometimes wrestle, but it never really escalates to anything serious and my daughter doesn’t ever engage in their rough housing. They are both in their rooms, and I have no idea what to do. How are we going to spend the next 7 days together as a family 24/7, when right now, I don’t even trust them to be in the same room for 2 seconds! I’m mad, angry and confused. My youngest is also slightly traumatized and think we shouldn’t go on vacation because his siblings might kill each other. |
Anonymous
| Hormones. |
Anonymous
| These things happen. But-it is important to draw a line under it and that video game I needs to be gone for a LONG time. Maybe lose all video games for a while, but definitely zero unsupervised. Not so much cause they will fight like crazy again but more to convey how seriously you take it. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| OP- I have never seen my DS escalate so quickly unless there is a video game involved. Literally, upset, defiant, etc. when I end screen time. I permanently unhooked our xBox because it was so triggering. I am not saying that the kids themselves aren’t at fault, but computer and video games have been the source of some major behavioral issues in our house. Just something to think about. |
Anonymous
|
1. No video games for a month for the two oldest.
2. Sit them down to tell them you never, ever, want to them to fight. I have observed that the only time my otherwise preternaturally calm teen becomes angry is when I tell him to stop playing video games. Research has shown that video games are great for hand-eye coordination and/or strategizing (depending on the game), and much better than passive television viewing, yet... they're so addictive that parents are dealing with bone fide withdrawal symptoms! |
Anonymous
|
Video games and hormones.
Even if I wanted my kids to play video games for hours, they couldn’t. They lose their minds after about 20 minutes. |
Anonymous
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I’m sure you are very upset. After an hour or so of them being alone, speak with each one separately to unpack what happened. Then bring them together to calmly share how disappointed you are. This is not the family you are raising. It’s okay to disagree with one another. It’s never going to be okay to be violent like that. You can share the many ways they could have resolved this before resorting to physically hurting one another.
As their parent, let them know that it is your job to keep them safe. And when they make unsafe choices, it’s your job to step in and make choices for them. Starting now and for the next 3 weeks, including vacation, they will have zero access to video games on any screen. ZERO ACCESS. Not in the car, not on vacation, not at a friend’s house, NOTHING. This situation is that serious. At the end of 3 weeks, you will sit down with them to write a plan for how they will stay safe and kind while playing video games. Perhaps it will include time limits. They will need to come up with ideas. Only when you feel this plan is acceptable will you return access. You can also let them know that if anything close this happens again, ALL access will be cut off for 6 months. Everything hinges on you being consistent with this consequence. Engage your spouse and any other family members. You can do this. They need this. |
Anonymous
There was a study that found that video games made boys more violent. When my DS was about this age (9 to 11), he would get very angry after playing his games. We told him that if he couldn't control the anger, we would cut him off cold turkey. We cut his video gaming time back. He's managed to control it, and when I catch him getting to angry again, I remind him about it. He's now 14, and he's so much better. |
Anonymous
Dp. Dont be qiuck to blame video games. Occasionally, my brother and I would fight like ops kids and we didnt have video games. It was a short phase thank goodness. |
Anonymous
Sure. But in this case, it appears to be a significant player in what led to this fight. Of course there could be underlying issues that were exacerbated by the video game playing. But for now all we know is that they were playing and then they were beating the $hit out of one another. |
Anonymous
| I read your title and wondered if I typed it, since my 9 and 11 yo have been fighting all week. Mine are often instigated by 9 yo DD and she won’t back down. 11 yo DS fires back quicker than ever. If they are like mine, they get over it quick. Yes, mine are more on edge when they have too much screen time but they also are both starting early stages of puberty. They quickly make up and life goes on. I often take away electronics for a few days. I remember fighting terribly with my sister. It didn’t last forever. |
Anonymous
We know that a conflict about the game caused the fight. But other PPS are suggesting, repeatedly, something close to "the video game made them do it," which is a very different concept. |
Anonymous
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Talk to each of them separately in hopes of figuring out what really occurred. My guess is someone wanted a controller or made fun of someone's gaming ability. When it's clear that the fight centered around the game, first discuss with your DH (make them sweat) then take the game away.
Arguments are expected, physical fights are NOT. Happy vacation OP!! |
Anonymous
| Parents need to take a strong stand each and every time this happens. “We do not hit each other in this family. If you cannot play nicely with each other, there will be no video game playing. “ |
Anonymous
| I’d get rid of video games forever. Including iPads. It only takes 1 to go get a knife and you have lost 2 kids . |