11 and 9 yr old got into a serious fight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Who was watching these kids when you were working OP?

What? She was in the house, just sent them to another part of the house to occupy themselves. When your kid was that age were they always stuck to your hip? My DS is 10 and stays home alone for short periods of time.

So no one was watching them?!?!

No. She left them with their sippy cups to fend for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Your post struck home OP - I'm on a road trip with my 10yo & 15yo boys. They do fight; mostly instigated by the 10yo who must be beginning puberty and is just filled with drama and energy even in the base case. His brother is very slow to anger but he's also huge so escalation is a big problem!

Vacations definitely bring this stuff to a head because your patterns are disrupted and often people are in closer/more intense contact than they might be in normal schedules. But for us at least, vacations can help because the kids do have fun together (again, somewhat inevitably simply because they're doing most of the same things.)

My younger kid is very competitive so he likes to take on his brother just for fun. And he is quick to throw a punch in part because he knows his brother won't punch back. We're constantly working with him on anger control and disengagement, not so much because of brotherly drama but because I don't want this to become his default with others.

But don't assume the older kid doesn't bear some responsibility too. As I said my older son is completely averse to physical violence, perhaps because he's just so big he's always had to be careful. But like all teenagers, he can be snarky and superior esp with his younger brother. I have to hold him accountable for their fights -- and the same might be true with your tween daughter.

All in all, they'll survive - and hopefully so will your vacation!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Who was watching these kids when you were working OP?

What? She was in the house, just sent them to another part of the house to occupy themselves. When your kid was that age were they always stuck to your hip? My DS is 10 and stays home alone for short periods of time.

So no one was watching them?!?!

No. She left them with their sippy cups to fend for themselves.

That’s terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Who was watching these kids when you were working OP?

Read the post. She was working in the house. They are 9 and 11. They shouldn't need eyes on them at all times.

Apparently these kids do need eyes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I have five kids. My youngest is 18. Oldest is 29. Three boys and two girls. Take a deep breath. You are overreacting. Of course you can still go on vacation. The kids will probably be over this in an hour. That said, it is unacceptable for them to hurt each other and they should be appropriately punished. But seriously....it happens. You sound like a great mom! It’s not easy parenting kids that age. Tomorrow will be better.

Why the need in every post to point out 5 kids. She is not over reacting and you probably checked out long before and had your oldest parenting the youngest so these things never bothered you.

[Anonymous]

I would raise holy hell on this and am completely surprised by how gentle your response have been. I would consider not taking them to the beach. I would take the video game away for 6 months minimum. I would have them start jobs around the house to pay for the monthly fees "if" you decide to allow them to resume the video game. I would have them both write an essay to you on exactly what they did wrong. And for you son.....I would sit down and explain although it is not fair in todays world, he can never, ever, ever hit a girl. This is assault. He is not too young to understand the implications of this in the real-world setting, be it being expelled from school or thrown in jail after age 18. I would have them seriously both write an apology letter to the youngest kid, and explain that that was not tattle-tattling but 100% the correct thing to do. Honestly, I would raise holy hell. Do it now, or pay for it later. I am sorry this happened to your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would raise holy hell on this and am completely surprised by how gentle your response have been. I would consider not taking them to the beach. I would take the video game away for 6 months minimum. I would have them start jobs around the house to pay for the monthly fees "if" you decide to allow them to resume the video game. I would have them both write an essay to you on exactly what they did wrong. And for you son.....I would sit down and explain although it is not fair in todays world, he can never, ever, ever hit a girl. This is assault. He is not too young to understand the implications of this in the real-world setting, be it being expelled from school or thrown in jail after age 18. I would have them seriously both write an apology letter to the youngest kid, and explain that that was not tattle-tattling but 100% the correct thing to do. Honestly, I would raise holy hell. Do it now, or pay for it later. I am sorry this happened to your family.

What does that have to do with fighting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would raise holy hell on this and am completely surprised by how gentle your response have been. I would consider not taking them to the beach. I would take the video game away for 6 months minimum. I would have them start jobs around the house to pay for the monthly fees "if" you decide to allow them to resume the video game. I would have them both write an essay to you on exactly what they did wrong. And for you son.....I would sit down and explain although it is not fair in todays world, he can never, ever, ever hit a girl. This is assault. He is not too young to understand the implications of this in the real-world setting, be it being expelled from school or thrown in jail after age 18. I would have them seriously both write an apology letter to the youngest kid, and explain that that was not tattle-tattling but 100% the correct thing to do. Honestly, I would raise holy hell. Do it now, or pay for it later. I am sorry this happened to your family.

What does that have to do with fighting?

This is how I would react if I had to pull my son off of my daughter because they were physically fighting over a video game. That's what it has to do with fighting. Chances I'd take them to the beach the next day: 0%.

[Anonymous]

A little bit early, but this is the age.

My kids didn't start until 11 and 13. They get along very well, but can disagree playing basketball to the point they are nailing the ball at each other's face and pushing down. Too much time together in the summer. 15 minutes later they are laughing together.
2 kids that rarely ever fought prior.

My brother and sister fought like cats and dogs all through middle school, early HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would raise holy hell on this and am completely surprised by how gentle your response have been. I would consider not taking them to the beach. I would take the video game away for 6 months minimum. I would have them start jobs around the house to pay for the monthly fees "if" you decide to allow them to resume the video game. I would have them both write an essay to you on exactly what they did wrong. And for you son.....I would sit down and explain although it is not fair in todays world, he can never, ever, ever hit a girl. This is assault. He is not too young to understand the implications of this in the real-world setting, be it being expelled from school or thrown in jail after age 18. I would have them seriously both write an apology letter to the youngest kid, and explain that that was not tattle-tattling but 100% the correct thing to do. Honestly, I would raise holy hell. Do it now, or pay for it later. I am sorry this happened to your family.

What does that have to do with fighting?

This is how I would react if I had to pull my son off of my daughter because they were physically fighting over a video game. That's what it has to do with fighting. Chances I'd take them to the beach the next day: 0%.

Or, here's an idea. Parent them and supervise them and help them negotiate between each other so it doesn't come to this and they learn to handle things. A lot of this could be prevented with parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would raise holy hell on this and am completely surprised by how gentle your response have been. I would consider not taking them to the beach. I would take the video game away for 6 months minimum. I would have them start jobs around the house to pay for the monthly fees "if" you decide to allow them to resume the video game. I would have them both write an essay to you on exactly what they did wrong. And for you son.....I would sit down and explain although it is not fair in todays world, he can never, ever, ever hit a girl. This is assault. He is not too young to understand the implications of this in the real-world setting, be it being expelled from school or thrown in jail after age 18. I would have them seriously both write an apology letter to the youngest kid, and explain that that was not tattle-tattling but 100% the correct thing to do. Honestly, I would raise holy hell. Do it now, or pay for it later. I am sorry this happened to your family.

What does that have to do with fighting?

This is how I would react if I had to pull my son off of my daughter because they were physically fighting over a video game. That's what it has to do with fighting. Chances I'd take them to the beach the next day: 0%.

This was a one time, first time thing for these kids. Op is right to take it seriously, Op is right to firmly discipline them both but cancelling the family vacation over it? No. Life needs to go on.

They need bonding time together as a family - without screens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would raise holy hell on this and am completely surprised by how gentle your response have been. I would consider not taking them to the beach. I would take the video game away for 6 months minimum. I would have them start jobs around the house to pay for the monthly fees "if" you decide to allow them to resume the video game. I would have them both write an essay to you on exactly what they did wrong. And for you son.....I would sit down and explain although it is not fair in todays world, he can never, ever, ever hit a girl. This is assault. He is not too young to understand the implications of this in the real-world setting, be it being expelled from school or thrown in jail after age 18. I would have them seriously both write an apology letter to the youngest kid, and explain that that was not tattle-tattling but 100% the correct thing to do. Honestly, I would raise holy hell. Do it now, or pay for it later. I am sorry this happened to your family.

What does that have to do with fighting?

This is how I would react if I had to pull my son off of my daughter because they were physically fighting over a video game. That's what it has to do with fighting. Chances I'd take them to the beach the next day: 0%.

Or, here's an idea. Parent them and supervise them and help them negotiate between each other so it doesn't come to this and they learn to handle things. A lot of this could be prevented with parenting.

But op wasn’t there to be a parent until too late

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d get rid of video games forever. Including iPads. It only takes 1 to go get a knife and you have lost 2 kids .

If your kids are going to get a knife to use on each other you have way bigger problems than video games.

[Anonymous]

FFS who is the shrew criticizing the OP's parenting? No parent of tweens or teens is monitoring every interaction between siblings. Get a life please.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read the replies, but video games make contribute to ADHD, rage and frustration, general violence. It’s a real thing and studies have been done.