Husband said I was a monster last night
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Anonymous
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And yelled at me and went to sleep in the living room.
It started because he came home late after hanging out with his family and said he wishes he could be himself around me and that I am too serious and practical. He doesn’t feel respected or liked. I told him that’s not true and that of course I like him very much. He said no you don’t. I started crying. He turned around from me in bed and tried to go to sleep. I judged him awake saying he can’t drop a bomb on me and go to sleep. I feel terrible that he feels that way. He tells me to stop it. I start crying and say I need him to tell me everything is ok. He yells at me to leave him alone. He jumps out of bed tells me I’m a nightmare and a monster and goes to sleep in the living room. I am awake now and don’t know how to approach him. What should I do? |
Anonymous
| How much liquor had he consumed? Talk with him when he is sober. |
Anonymous
| We're missing a lot of the story here. |
Anonymous
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Do you have kids?
If not, this is time to start planning your exit so don’t get pregnant! If you have kids, still start planning your exit, but you need to be more strategic about it. Either way, this isn’t going to get better. He spent the day out with his family and now thinks you are mean. Translation: He’s a princeling in their eyes and they don’t like you. |
Anonymous
| Maybe you ARE the monster |
Anonymous
Welcome to DCUM. One argument and time to pack your bags. |
Anonymous
| Either you are a monster or he's having an affair. Which is it? |
Anonymous
Maybe OP is a monster, but why hasn't he brought up stuff he doesn't like earlier? That's quite a bombshell he just dropped on her. |
Anonymous
| I have a different take on this. He's upset and your focus is "make me feel better" and "I'm going to guilt you by crying". The whole "can't be himself around you" makes it sound like he constantly has to walk on eggshells around you because you're so fragile and he's constantly having to pick you up and make you feel better. And he never gets to talk about his real feelings. It's an exhausting way to live. |
Anonymous
He's probably tried to. But ops reaction is to cry to shut him down and then do the whole "now I'm upset. Make me feel better!". It puts her husband in a position where he can never bring something up because OP automatically goes into the wounded bird defensive stance and he can't continue because now the focus is all on her. |
Anonymous
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1. He is PROJECTING. It's sadly rather common. 2. His conduct was deplorable. What you said was perfectly true - he doesn't get to attack you before bedtime without giving you an opportunity to respond. 3. I would hold him accountable. No Father's Day for him. He needs to apologize and you tell him it's either therapy to learn how to communicate respectfully, or he learns to do it by himself. No hitting below the belt, otherwise you will respond in kind. 4. DO NOT CRY. It will feed his anger. Cry when you're alone. With that kind of person, you must always appear calm, strong and mature. |
Anonymous
OP needs everyone (including her husband) to make her 'feel better'. This is not helping. |
Anonymous
Take his Father's Day card and rip it in half in front of him. Tell him he does not get a Father's Day today! Agree that you should not cry. |
Anonymous
My mom was like OP. Which is maybe why I'm sympathetic to her husband. It's utterly exhausting to never be able to share your own feelings or be yourself because the other person constantly turns it into them. Even when I had a valid reason to be upset about something my mom said or did, I was always apologizing for upsetting her. I never got my own feelings validated. And that led me to snap, more than once. Because it builds up and builds up, and then they start crying (because it's their way of guilting you) and that sound just makes you lose it. It's miserable. My mom has thankfully gotten some help and has improved. But if that's what OP is like,. I get why her DH acted the way he did. |
Anonymous
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He told you how he FELT. You invalidated his feelings. When someone tells you how they feel, you don't get to say that isn't true. It is true to him and you can't say it isn't.
You should be concerned with why he feels this way? What makes him feel that way? You don't care about how he feels at all. Instead you tell him he needs to make you feel okay. Again, it is 100% about you. You turn on the tears and try and guilt and manipulate him into denying his own feelings so that you can feel better. You sound like a narcissist or an incredibly self centered manipulative person. You don't seem to be able to see or care about how he feels or his needs or even listen to what he is telling you. You should start by apologizing for invalidating him. You should ask and be open to hearing what has made him feel that way. You should be committed to working on those things. You should go to therapy. |