Husband said I was a monster last night

[Anonymous]

OP???

[Anonymous]

I went and got him a chocolate muffin. It seemed to soften him up. He apologized for saying mean things and I apologized too.

I’m still hurting but would like to put this episode behind me. We also decided to go back to therapy for communication issues.

[Anonymous]

He likes chocolate, so that's why I chose a chocolate muffin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went and got him a chocolate muffin. It seemed to soften him up. He apologized for saying mean things and I apologized too.

I’m still hurting but would like to put this episode behind me. We also decided to go back to therapy for communication issues.

Good for you both for agreeing to go back to therapy for communication. Based on what I've read here, I think that is the key.
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He likes chocolate, so that's why I chose a chocolate muffin.

This can’t be real

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a different take on this. He's upset and your focus is "make me feel better" and "I'm going to guilt you by crying". The whole "can't be himself around you" makes it sound like he constantly has to walk on eggshells around you because you're so fragile and he's constantly having to pick you up and make you feel better. And he never gets to talk about his real feelings. It's an exhausting way to live.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I went and got breakfast and groceries. When I come back I notice that he has moved from couch to the bed.

I go in and coldly say, " I see you finally decided to come to bed."

He asks me where I was and I say I went to get food. I am annoyed that he is trying to ignore everything that happened last night. I then say coldly, " do you have something you want to say to me?"

He raises his voice, "do YOU have something to say to me?"

I stare at him amazed that he can turn this around. I ignore him and reference his mean words to me last night. He says he doesn't want to talk to me because I am "impossible and always angry." He gets up and walks to the bathroom. "Don't walk away," I say but he keeps walking away and then goes into the bathroom. I walk up to him and hold open the door and say angrily, " You can't keep ignoring me!"

He yells at me, "LEAVE ME ALONE!" and slams the bathroom door and pushes me away by doing so.

"STOP YELLING AT ME!"

I yell back.


He now left to grab lunch. I have no idea what is going on.

Great start! Bravo.

DP.. I think anyone would be angry and respond coldly. She has no idea what's going on and is trying to get him to talk to her. He's behaving like a child by not communicating what exactly the problem is. Yes, both sides should calm down, but I don't think she needs to be apologetic when she has no idea what she should be apologizing for.

There’s a lot of space between “cold” and “apologetic.” Neither is good in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Husband is correct op.. Based on reading your first post

Think harder about how you make him feel about himself

[Anonymous]

Ah DCUM. You never disappoint.

[Anonymous]

Good for you both for deciding some help learning to communicate better would help.

A pp said something like "you're bad at fighting" and I agree. You each need to learn better ways to communicate how you're feeling, and to listen to and try to understand the feelings of the other person.

Then you can make adjustments.

I actually think you can sort these things out fairly quickly w/ some decent help and some genuine commitment.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went and got him a chocolate muffin. It seemed to soften him up. He apologized for saying mean things and I apologized too.

I’m still hurting but would like to put this episode behind me. We also decided to go back to therapy for communication issues.

Yeah, both of you guys need to get this stuff settled before you even think of every bringing children into this picture. Your muffin wasn’t enough to truly reconcile it was an olive branch at best, and if he doesn’t like BJs I wonder if you should consider a sex therapist too.

Good luck Op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're missing a lot of the story here.

no....no way...a DCUM harpie leaving out critical truths in a story in an effort to garner as much sympathy and attention as possible?

Never happens.

[Anonymous]

It’s difficult and lonely to feel like your spouse doesn’t like *you*. Like the core of who you are as a person.