Anyone else a bike widow?

[Anonymous]

My husband rides like he's training for a marathon. Everything is about the bike. I'm driving 10 hours to help my DD pack up before graduation from college, then driving back. We have a high school kid and one still in college at home. They will be doing the lion's share of the work with the dogs while I'm gone but I've asked my husband to not ride two days out of the six I'm gone because it's a 12 hour day and my kids both have finals/tests to study for and to take, etc. I don't want to put the burden fully on them. The dogs are old and need to go out, etc. He also won't be able to ride Sun and Mon as he'll be at his DD's graduation.

Apparently, this is a huge hardship and he's looking for ways to ride anyway those days. It's insane! Normally I never restrict his ability to ride because it doesn't affect me. The fact that I'm doing all the physical work regarding our DD's moving doesn't seem to even dawn on him - it's all about when he can ride, how long he can ride, etc. It's absolutely maddening! I'm hoping it pours rain on Thursday.

Getting tired of this sh*t.

[Anonymous]

tell him he looks ridiculous in spandex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:tell him he looks ridiculous in spandex.

If only that would work

[Anonymous]

Does he race? Is he knew to the sport? Is he on an app like Strava where you see others' progress, and you're constantly comparing yourself to them?

I'm a cyclist, and I get wanting to ride every day. Even if he's just recreational, it feels great, and the endorphin rush is hard to beat. If he's competing, the pressure to perform is intense, and road cycling is an extremely unforgiving sport.

Clearly he's not striking the right balance, but he could also be doing himself more harm than good performance-wise. Recovery (i.e. days off) is an extremely important part of training. He could time his recovery days to coincide with family obligations. (Or at least, not feel so bad about missing a day or two.) Also, he could be more structured about his workouts - planning shorter (an hour), harder workouts on certain days, or do longer (2-3 hour) rides, but just three or four days a week.

It just takes planning. But overtraining is a real risk, especially for amateurs. Riding every single day is unnecessary, and potentially counterproductive.

Hope this helps. Sorry you're having to deal with it. Maybe do some reading and talk to him about it, if he'll listen. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

MAMIL.

Be glad that he doing something that supports heart health. Track him on an app, and let it go. He could be having a different kind of middle aged crisis.

[Anonymous]

So he can't ride his bike and take the dogs for walk on the same day?

Why not tell him to walk the dogs on those days, and let him figure out how/when to do it.

[Anonymous]

Lost DH to bike riding...couldn’t put up with the selfishness so we are divorced. We have DCs to take care of, take to activities, sports, etc...riding 8-10 hours a day every weekend was not acceptable and taking off for century rides and races when he felt like not acceptable. I was willing to work with him (1 day a weekend, an hour 3-4x during the work week and 2-3 longer week trips a year) but he wanted his “freedom”

[Anonymous]

Tell him any day he rides the bike he doesn’t get to ride you.

[Anonymous]

This is a hill to die on, IMO. In my house no one messes with the kids' finals and exams, and no one takes packing and driving 12 hours lightly. I would read him the riot act and call him all sorts of exact and a-propos names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MAMIL.

Be glad that he doing something that supports heart health. Track him on an app, and let it go. He could be having a different kind of middle aged crisis.

Your standards are exceedingly low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lost DH to bike riding...couldn’t put up with the selfishness so we are divorced. We have DCs to take care of, take to activities, sports, etc...riding 8-10 hours a day every weekend was not acceptable and taking off for century rides and races when he felt like not acceptable. I was willing to work with him (1 day a weekend, an hour 3-4x during the work week and 2-3 longer week trips a year) but he wanted his “freedom”

My sister divorced her ex over his running addiction. He used running to ‘escape the trappings of home’. After one year of his new found passion/addiction she was done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he race? Is he knew to the sport? Is he on an app like Strava where you see others' progress, and you're constantly comparing yourself to them?

I'm a cyclist, and I get wanting to ride every day. Even if he's just recreational, it feels great, and the endorphin rush is hard to beat. If he's competing, the pressure to perform is intense, and road cycling is an extremely unforgiving sport.

Clearly he's not striking the right balance, but he could also be doing himself more harm than good performance-wise. Recovery (i.e. days off) is an extremely important part of training. He could time his recovery days to coincide with family obligations. (Or at least, not feel so bad about missing a day or two.) Also, he could be more structured about his workouts - planning shorter (an hour), harder workouts on certain days, or do longer (2-3 hour) rides, but just three or four days a week.

It just takes planning. But overtraining is a real risk, especially for amateurs. Riding every single day is unnecessary, and potentially counterproductive.

Hope this helps. Sorry you're having to deal with it. Maybe do some reading and talk to him about it, if he'll listen. Good luck.

Yep, he's on Strava. Your post is really great and I thank you for it. I usually never restrict him - I'm highly independent, kids are grown, so no need to. That's why it was surprising that I could not get him to answer me regarding taking one or two days off as needed. Maddening. It might rain Thursday, which would be ideal. He's not professionally competing but is very competitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he can't ride his bike and take the dogs for walk on the same day?

Why not tell him to walk the dogs on those days, and let him figure out how/when to do it.

You can't leave a 14 year old dog alone for as long as he wants to. She'll pee all over the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lost DH to bike riding...couldn’t put up with the selfishness so we are divorced. We have DCs to take care of, take to activities, sports, etc...riding 8-10 hours a day every weekend was not acceptable and taking off for century rides and races when he felt like not acceptable. I was willing to work with him (1 day a weekend, an hour 3-4x during the work week and 2-3 longer week trips a year) but he wanted his “freedom”

OP here. Sorry to hear this and I wholly get it. This sport seems to breed selfishness - perhaps it's a personality type?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This is a hill to die on, IMO. In my house no one messes with the kids' finals and exams, and no one takes packing and driving 12 hours lightly. I would read him the riot act and call him all sorts of exact and a-propos names.

I did this evening, but didn't yell and didn't scream. I reminded him in no uncertain terms that I am willing to drop everything to drive back and forth to make sure our DD is well-supported. I made sure all the pills for one of the dogs were pre-cut for convenience. I packed my own bags early to ensure I had time for last minutes. I arranged someone to come during the day for the older dog to check on her. I made sure my car was filled with gas so he wouldn't have to stop when he needs to use it. I made all the hotel arrangements well in advance which required redialing 300 (!) times to ensure we got into the campus hotel for extra convenience. In short, I've done everything to make things easy and told him he can damn well give me ONE day of peace of mind. He didn't argue.