Anyone else a bike widow?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all!! Venting here, I was able to keep calm. After getting momentarily upset, he thought it over and agreed I was correct. He went out to play frisbee with the youngest, and we are about to have dinner (the kids especially like it because they talk about stuff). They plan to take a trip together this summer and I said I'd gladly stay back to take care of the pets and give them the space to do so. He realized I was only asking for a few sacrifices. I want him to ride and encourage him to so long as it's well-balanced. Once the youngest is off to college, he can ride as much as he wants!

Good work.

One idea: have him give you 8 "no bike today" paper passes at the beginning of each year and you get to use them whenever you see fit. That's good because (1) it's a very very clear message from you when you hand him one (2) they are limited and he knows they'll be used only for important siutations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why am I not surprised to learn that those dweebs who take up all of MacArthur Blvd all weekend long are also d-bags in real life?

Dweebs? Ha. Some bike guys and girls ride bikes that are 12k and knock down 600-800K in their jobs but ok

Says the dweeb, who doesn’t understand that money doesn’t make you not a jerk or a loser

+1 Washington DC is full of people like that, who think that having money will finally get them a seat at the cool kids' table.

+1

Washington DC (and particularly DCUM) is full of women like that, who won't even allow a man to speak to them (much less share a seat at a restaurant table) unless they make that kind of money. He's deemed 'unworthy'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why am I not surprised to learn that those dweebs who take up all of MacArthur Blvd all weekend long are also d-bags in real life?

Dweebs? Ha. Some bike guys and girls ride bikes that are 12k and knock down 600-800K in their jobs but ok

Says the dweeb, who doesn’t understand that money doesn’t make you not a jerk or a loser

+1 Washington DC is full of people like that, who think that having money will finally get them a seat at the cool kids' table.

+1

Washington DC (and particularly DCUM) is full of women like that, who won't even allow a man to speak to them (much less share a seat at a restaurant table) unless they make that kind of money. He's deemed 'unworthy'

kill it with the incel thinking. If this is your experience, then you are driving in the wrong lane.

[Anonymous]

I just came on to this thread. When I saw the topic I thought, oh, a wife whose husband just got killed by a drunk driver/car thief/cell-phone-texter/take-your-pick. And now she is a real widow. I ride a bike in the city,and I try to be careful & obey traffic laws, but I have had some very close calls. Let's have some sympathy for the real widows out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why am I not surprised to learn that those dweebs who take up all of MacArthur Blvd all weekend long are also d-bags in real life?

Dweebs? Ha. Some bike guys and girls ride bikes that are 12k and knock down 600-800K in their jobs but ok

Says the dweeb, who doesn’t understand that money doesn’t make you not a jerk or a loser

+1 Washington DC is full of people like that, who think that having money will finally get them a seat at the cool kids' table.

+1

Washington DC (and particularly DCUM) is full of women like that, who won't even allow a man to speak to them (much less share a seat at a restaurant table) unless they make that kind of money. He's deemed 'unworthy'

kill it with the incel thinking. If this is your experience, then you are driving in the wrong lane.

maybe the saggy-balls lady who's never met an attractive man in DC can answer this

[Anonymous]

does he have an addictive personality?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just came on to this thread. When I saw the topic I thought, oh, a wife whose husband just got killed by a drunk driver/car thief/cell-phone-texter/take-your-pick. And now she is a real widow. I ride a bike in the city,and I try to be careful & obey traffic laws, but I have had some very close calls. Let's have some sympathy for the real widows out there.

Had us in the first half, not gonna lie

[Anonymous]

The bike obsession might be keeping him in the marriage, like many mistresses do. When you take away the release, the are forced to divorce.

Be strategic about your moves, OP. He will not be able to keep up the obsession at that pace for long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I was. And in the winter, skiing. I hated it because we eventually had no relationship at all, even though I do these sports too. I do not engage in these activities to the detriment or instead of all my other obligations, like my children or my relationships or even basic chores. We are now divorced. I had no idea this was so common. I felt so rejected and hurt by his behavior. The worst incident was when he left me home alone with newborn twins, recovering from a c-section just delirious with sleep deprivation. But hey, no friends (or wife and family) on a powder day, right?! I eventually gave up and left him, and he blames me for the end of our shell of a marriage. Obtuse to the bitter end.

I thought he was unusual but maybe not. He was also on Strava and obsessed with his college racing days. Maybe this is a type A thing....?

OP here - this is exactly correct. They just don't connect the dots. In their minds, they are reasonable. I was told that it was my 'obsessive-compulsive' desire to ensure the dogs are ok, etc. I explained that when I ask if he not ride his bike to work on X day and he responds with anything but an "I can do that", I know what that means.

I feel for you regarding being left home like that. I can recall days being home sleep-deprived with two young children, while he not only went on a five hour bike ride, but first spent three hours at his brother's house waiting for him to be ready because his brother would say 11:00 am start time but they wouldn't leave until 2.

I can't imagine being abandoned with twins after a c-section for skiing. How awful.

That right there is some master-level projection. WTF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hire a dog walker. He sounds self centered in a larger issue way, but this particular problem is actually easy to solve. Stop focusing on who takes care of the dogs and just hire someone to do it.

But definitely do address this if it is a larger issue, and it sounds like it is.

I hear your frustration, but this is a valid point. You can probably find out the name of someone in your neighborhood who does this.

Which raises the question of why OP needs to take care of all happenings at home while she is out of town. If DH can't hold down the homefront while OP is away, why doesn't HE hire someone to help HIM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all!! Venting here, I was able to keep calm. After getting momentarily upset, he thought it over and agreed I was correct. He went out to play frisbee with the youngest, and we are about to have dinner (the kids especially like it because they talk about stuff). They plan to take a trip together this summer and I said I'd gladly stay back to take care of the pets and give them the space to do so. He realized I was only asking for a few sacrifices. I want him to ride and encourage him to so long as it's well-balanced. Once the youngest is off to college, he can ride as much as he wants!

A happy ending.