Anyone else a bike widow?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: It’s fine for him to have a hobby, but it’s not fine for him to put that hobby over everybody else’s needs. Seems like that’s what he’s doing. He’s expecting you to accommodate and take care of all the other things that need to happen in the family so that he can have his bike time. This is bullshit.

It really is. It's almost like the biking is replacing any and all family time. OP might be better off hiring someone to take care of the dogs, and then plan what she wants to do when all the kids are launched.

Already there. I'm in tech, so I can re-train and probably do a lot of work out of the house. From now until my youngest goes to college is going to be a busy time, but I can do most of it on my own without an issue. Then he can ride as much as he wants. I'm asking for just one week, that's it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP has the DH ever gotten into a morning ride schedule. I ride in the a.m the sun usually not up when I start that is what a light is for. My 40 mile ride can wrap up by the time the DW has her morning coffee done.

He rides to work and from work, and a couple evening with friends and it's normally not an issue. One weekend day as well, and again, that's usually just fine. The problem is when we have a crisis or the couple times a year when he's really needed, he can't seem to put the family over the bike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe instead she can join him. And why is he or she obligated to help a grown child move or whatever? Helicopter mom.

You don’t understand the psychology of men like this. Going along with them is not an option. I’ve tried- some of the least fun, downright miserable attempts at a together activity. They don’t want to do this together and if they do allow you to join, you will be left in the dust immediately.

Dropping kids to college is not helicopter. Are you even a parent??

She is not dropping kids off at college. She’s helping daughter pack out of college. Now back in the day - 1980s - my father drive me from Florida to DC to start college my freshman year. After that, I moved myself to my first apartment. Then I moved myself for grad school. And again moved myself from the U.S. to Europe. OP is coddling. Rotor down.

Correct about going to help her pack out and watch her graduate. If going to her graduation is coddling? Hmmmm. Everything won't fit in her car - she needs the truck too, and since we are going to the graduation, it makes sense for one of us to drive the truck down and help her out. Capiche?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe instead she can join him. And why is he or she obligated to help a grown child move or whatever? Helicopter mom.

You don’t understand the psychology of men like this. Going along with them is not an option. I’ve tried- some of the least fun, downright miserable attempts at a together activity. They don’t want to do this together and if they do allow you to join, you will be left in the dust immediately.

Dropping kids to college is not helicopter. Are you even a parent??

Exactly correct. If you can't give something up for a few days in order to help out the family, then you need to wonder if you have an unhealthy addiction.

[Anonymous]

Cycling is an awesome sport/pastime. More power to him!!! Oh, and the spandex...how come women always complain about how men look in their cycling gear but they have no problem wearing yoga pants everywhere and have no plans to actually exercise? There's no possible way to bike comfortably without wearing cycling shorts/bibs.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all!! Venting here, I was able to keep calm. After getting momentarily upset, he thought it over and agreed I was correct. He went out to play frisbee with the youngest, and we are about to have dinner (the kids especially like it because they talk about stuff). They plan to take a trip together this summer and I said I'd gladly stay back to take care of the pets and give them the space to do so. He realized I was only asking for a few sacrifices. I want him to ride and encourage him to so long as it's well-balanced. Once the youngest is off to college, he can ride as much as he wants!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have dated guys like this, whose hobbies would always be placed above our relationship. I can't imagine being married to one. I'm sure there are women whose DHs have cycling, gaming, golfing, gambling issues too.

For the sports thing, sometimes it seems like a midlife crisis to me. It's invariably men who didn't make the varsity team in school who are trying to prove to themselves they are serious athletes. Dude, it's over. Nobody cares about the races that you *pay* to enter or the rec games you play. Try hard, but do it for fun and camaraderie and don't let it take away from the rest of your life. I was a serious athlete and like my sport but I don't need to take myself so seriously anymore... all my old teammates feel the same way. Let the glory go, bro.

I'm sorry, OP. I wonder if you could get him to tone it down so he could make it something your family can do together. At least part of the time.

wow, what a miserable outlook you have. no wonder you're divorced and alone. Enjoy your cats.

Ha, wut? I’m happily married with kids and a spouse who exercises a few hours per week. Have you never really experienced something like “that guy” who makes some nasty slide tackle from behind and hurts somebody on the 7-a-side rec league? Or the bros who train super hard for flag football? Or you’ve never had a friend talk incessantly about their marathons that they complete at a 13’ mile pace? I’m pretty sure those folks who don’t know how to play sports for fun are the miserable ones, my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: It’s fine for him to have a hobby, but it’s not fine for him to put that hobby over everybody else’s needs. Seems like that’s what he’s doing. He’s expecting you to accommodate and take care of all the other things that need to happen in the family so that he can have his bike time. This is bullshit.

It really is. It's almost like the biking is replacing any and all family time. OP might be better off hiring someone to take care of the dogs, and then plan what she wants to do when all the kids are launched.

Already there. I'm in tech, so I can re-train and probably do a lot of work out of the house. From now until my youngest goes to college is going to be a busy time, but I can do most of it on my own without an issue. Then he can ride as much as he wants. I'm asking for just one week, that's it.

Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all!! Venting here, I was able to keep calm. After getting momentarily upset, he thought it over and agreed I was correct. He went out to play frisbee with the youngest, and we are about to have dinner (the kids especially like it because they talk about stuff). They plan to take a trip together this summer and I said I'd gladly stay back to take care of the pets and give them the space to do so. He realized I was only asking for a few sacrifices. I want him to ride and encourage him to so long as it's well-balanced. Once the youngest is off to college, he can ride as much as he wants!

Sounds good, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe instead she can join him. And why is he or she obligated to help a grown child move or whatever? Helicopter mom.

You don’t understand the psychology of men like this. Going along with them is not an option. I’ve tried- some of the least fun, downright miserable attempts at a together activity. They don’t want to do this together and if they do allow you to join, you will be left in the dust immediately.

Dropping kids to college is not helicopter. Are you even a parent??

She is not dropping kids off at college. She’s helping daughter pack out of college. Now back in the day - 1980s - my father drive me from Florida to DC to start college my freshman year. After that, I moved myself to my first apartment. Then I moved myself for grad school. And again moved myself from the U.S. to Europe. OP is coddling. Rotor down.

Stop focusing on whether OP or her DH or anyone should go help the graduating student move. That is not the main issue here -- can you grasp that? The issue is that he is so self-absorbed that he is checking out on commitments and tasks that involve his own kids, his household, exams, a move. All so he can do a bit more of something he already does many hours each week. Whether YOU, a total stranger, think that the move is something they should be doing is irrelevant. And you have no idea why they want or need to help the daughter move anyway. Glad you were a paragon of independence back in your day, but you know nothing about their plans and their kid is not you from years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: It’s fine for him to have a hobby, but it’s not fine for him to put that hobby over everybody else’s needs. Seems like that’s what he’s doing. He’s expecting you to accommodate and take care of all the other things that need to happen in the family so that he can have his bike time. This is bullshit.

It really is. It's almost like the biking is replacing any and all family time. OP might be better off hiring someone to take care of the dogs, and then plan what she wants to do when all the kids are launched.

Already there. I'm in tech, so I can re-train and probably do a lot of work out of the house. From now until my youngest goes to college is going to be a busy time, but I can do most of it on my own without an issue. Then he can ride as much as he wants. I'm asking for just one week, that's it.

Good luck OP!

Thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all!! Venting here, I was able to keep calm. After getting momentarily upset, he thought it over and agreed I was correct. He went out to play frisbee with the youngest, and we are about to have dinner (the kids especially like it because they talk about stuff). They plan to take a trip together this summer and I said I'd gladly stay back to take care of the pets and give them the space to do so. He realized I was only asking for a few sacrifices. I want him to ride and encourage him to so long as it's well-balanced. Once the youngest is off to college, he can ride as much as he wants!

Sounds good, OP!

Thank you. I really appreciate the vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why am I not surprised to learn that those dweebs who take up all of MacArthur Blvd all weekend long are also d-bags in real life?

Dweebs? Ha. Some bike guys and girls ride bikes that are 12k and knock down 600-800K in their jobs but ok

It’s rare to see such blatant lameness. You think the cost of a bike combined with a high salary makes you cool or somehow of higher value? Yes, in fact, that attitude does make you a desperately striving loser.

[Anonymous]

He is wasting his time training. He needs a proper power meter set up. He needs to do 2X20s on it twice a week. 1 hour riding on those days but at a level that will make him cry- if he wants to be good. These riders (we) are addicted to the endorphins. Yes behave like children who can't have their sugar fix. Add in that the only people who "understand" are the similarly afflicted we join up with on our rides and it is a closed circle. But, but, there are other ways to get some positive feelings. Often this is lost over time - even in a long seemingly effective marriage/partnership. He should do more focused training and you both should find ways to create happy together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why am I not surprised to learn that those dweebs who take up all of MacArthur Blvd all weekend long are also d-bags in real life?

Dweebs? Ha. Some bike guys and girls ride bikes that are 12k and knock down 600-800K in their jobs but ok

It’s rare to see such blatant lameness. You think the cost of a bike combined with a high salary makes you cool or somehow of higher value? Yes, in fact, that attitude does make you a desperately striving loser.

Jealous