Rich sister, poor sister

[Anonymous]

My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

[Anonymous]

No, I would not have helped her in this case. Not for frivolities like private education and vacations. With an emergency car repair or medical bills? Yes.

[Anonymous]

You. Are. Me. Exactly. Except my sister cut me off rather than asking for a huge amount of money.

My heart bleeds for her because I know if she could go back in time she would have made drastically different choices. She went nuts trying to hoard as much of my parents’ property as she could after they both died (she and her kids had permanently moved in with them after she and her husband divorced when she was late 20s), then cut off all 3 of her siblings over some perceived slight the rest of us don’t understand. I “loaned” her a few thousand dollars before she cut me off, but she has not (yet) asked for anything else.

The primary difference with your situation is that although my sister seems to feel entitled to a lot of things in life, she would never ask me for anything unless it was a dire necessity. She cut me off instead.

No, I would not do what your sister is asking, and I’m surprised that your siblings were on board with it.

[Anonymous]

No effin' way, OP.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Stick to your guns OP!

[Anonymous]

I would gladly be the black sheep in that situation.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have, unless the private school was necessary because a kid had special needs or needed to get away from bullying or something.

I might set aside some money for the kids' college funds, though--but I'd hang on to it so that their parents don't spend it on something else. It would be nice to be able to help them defray some of the costs of college--or trade school, or whatever post-high-school education or training they end up choosing.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn't. I would not let my nieces/nephews go without and happily help with necessities, but no one is entitled to luxuries like private school and vacations in Europe. If your sister wants to save up for those things, she and her husband can work two jobs and accumulate this money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

There's more to this story.

I'm guessing you were the fat ugly sister and she the pretty one and this is some sort of revenge of the nerds scenario.

If that is true, I hope the pretty sister is learning that pretty can only get you so far in life...

[Anonymous]

I might pay for experiences for the kids for Christmas/birthday in lieu of gifts. Like a couple of weeks of summer camp or something.
I would not feel obligated to pay for private school unless you wanted to.

[Anonymous]

Upper middle class families don't declare bankruptcy or almost have their house foreclosed upon. Something in your story doesn't add up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Upper middle class families don't declare bankruptcy or almost have their house foreclosed upon. Something in your story doesn't add up.

The sister is no long upper middle class. She doesn't have much of an education, 4 young kid. She is poor.

[Anonymous]

Don’t help her. Maybe point out she can get financial aid and link her to info on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

There's more to this story.

I'm guessing you were the fat ugly sister and she the pretty one and this is some sort of revenge of the nerds scenario.

Go back to writing sad fanfic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Upper middle class families don't declare bankruptcy or almost have their house foreclosed upon. Something in your story doesn't add up.

The sister is no long upper middle class. She doesn't have much of an education, 4 young kid. She is poor.

Reading is fundamental. The OP states that the sisters are FROM an UMC class family but now the parents are bankrupt and almost lost their home? No. Maybe OP's parents were MC but paycheck to paycheck. Otherwise there is no way they are suddenly broke because of "poor sister."