Rich sister, poor sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

As someone in a very similar situation, I genuinely wish my sister and her husband would ask my husband and I for this. We would eagerly pay for private education for their children. My sister and her husband are too damn dumb and stubborn to ask. They care more about reality television than their kids' shitty local schools. Their kids are turning into dull underachievers like most teens in their orbit. It's so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would help the children. We pay tuition for two of our nephews. Their parents make very bad choices and, frankly, are lousy parents. We pay the tuition and provide other support to try to help the children have better lives.

Could you afford to that for FOUR children????

That’s what OP is looking at. Her sister wants her children to have everything her nephew has. If OP starts by taking the older 2 on vacation, paying for private school it will be expected that she do that for the younger 2 too. What if OP has another child? What if she has to cut back at some point? I guarantee her sister will look at it as OP stealing something that is rightfully hers. I guarantee that if OP needs to stop the 4 private tuitions or if she says no to lacrosse camp, she’s going to be right back where she is now — as the black sheep of the family. Worse still, she’ll be out several hundred thousand for the privilege. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

As someone in a very similar situation, I genuinely wish my sister and her husband would ask my husband and I for this. We would eagerly pay for private education for their children. My sister and her husband are too damn dumb and stubborn to ask. They care more about reality television than their kids' shitty local schools. Their kids are turning into dull underachievers like most teens in their orbit. It's so sad.

Why don’t you offer if it’s something you want to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

As someone in a very similar situation, I genuinely wish my sister and her husband would ask my husband and I for this. We would eagerly pay for private education for their children. My sister and her husband are too damn dumb and stubborn to ask. They care more about reality television than their kids' shitty local schools. Their kids are turning into dull underachievers like most teens in their orbit. It's so sad.

Why don’t you offer if it’s something you want to do?

PP looks like your sister is a good person for not asking and wants to keep relationship with you. It's a huge ask to pay for 4x 7 years of private unless you let them know you can easily afford it. This is obviously assuming you already have your retirements, your and spouse parents retirements and your kids education fully funded and emergencies set aside.

[Anonymous]

No way, the OP will probably have to take care of the parents because they spent all their money taking care of her sister.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it, sure! We ‘help’ several members of my family. If it’s a burden, then different story! But we can and it’s not like 30-60 year old family members are going to suddenly become financially solvent and ‘learn a lesson’ or something. But I’m sort of a pushover so maybe don’t take my advice 😃

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

As someone in a very similar situation, I genuinely wish my sister and her husband would ask my husband and I for this. We would eagerly pay for private education for their children. My sister and her husband are too damn dumb and stubborn to ask. They care more about reality television than their kids' shitty local schools. Their kids are turning into dull underachievers like most teens in their orbit. It's so sad.

LOL, PP actually believes private school would make kids into exciting overachievers. LOLOLOL

[Anonymous]

This thread is almost two years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the responses, it's easy to guess which posters have asked for money from relatives, and which posters have been asked for money.
In my experience, those who ask for money for non-essentials and non-emergencies are pretty lousy about paying it back... they were lousy with money in the first place, and feel entitled to spend your hard-earned money.
OP- you already know that it isn't a good idea, and you know you will feel resentful. And never let your sister play the ,"but you only have one child" card...she could have stopped at the number of kids she could actually afford to support.

This!

NP. Agreed x 100. I would send job listings instead of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the responses, it's easy to guess which posters have asked for money from relatives, and which posters have been asked for money.
In my experience, those who ask for money for non-essentials and non-emergencies are pretty lousy about paying it back... they were lousy with money in the first place, and feel entitled to spend your hard-earned money.
OP- you already know that it isn't a good idea, and you know you will feel resentful. And never let your sister play the ,"but you only have one child" card...she could have stopped at the number of kids she could actually afford to support.

This!

NP. Agreed x 100. I would send job listings instead of money.

Some trashy men don't allow women to work. That whole I'm the 'man of the house/provider' thing. It's not as cut and dry as OP's sister is just lazy. If she tried to get a job, maybe the 'macho' loser husband would make her life a living hell.

[Anonymous]

Props to your trashy sister for having the brains to realize school caliber is important. Most low class parents do not give a s*** and will quite literally turn down a full ride scholarship to a local private school. I was a social worker in my 20s and I've seen it first hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is almost two years old.

Oops!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the responses, it's easy to guess which posters have asked for money from relatives, and which posters have been asked for money.
In my experience, those who ask for money for non-essentials and non-emergencies are pretty lousy about paying it back... they were lousy with money in the first place, and feel entitled to spend your hard-earned money.
OP- you already know that it isn't a good idea, and you know you will feel resentful. And never let your sister play the ,"but you only have one child" card...she could have stopped at the number of kids she could actually afford to support.

This!

NP. Agreed x 100. I would send job listings instead of money.

Some trashy men don't allow women to work. That whole I'm the 'man of the house/provider' thing. It's not as cut and dry as OP's sister is just lazy. If she tried to get a job, maybe the 'macho' loser husband would make her life a living hell.

Some women continue to make poor decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

HELL NO I wouldn't have helped her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Upper middle class families don't declare bankruptcy or almost have their house foreclosed upon. Something in your story doesn't add up.

Hmmmm...this response sounds like you didn't read the post.