Rich sister, poor sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet there is a lot more to this story. Even the title is off-putting.

Nah, I could see it happening - one sibling does well, the other does not, the other thinks s/he is entitled to what that one has. Particularly true if the parent/s are pointing it out: "why can't you be more like your (now successful) sibling". Exacerbated if the successful sibling was seen as a black sheep or n'er do well, but the roles of the siblings reversed. I have seen some siblings that have a really, really, really hard time with it, when they are on the less glamorous side of things.

[Anonymous]

Help your family. One life.

[Anonymous]

I know this is an older post but just wanted to chime in here - private school won't do a damn thing to improve the niece's and nephews futures with unmotivated, free-loading parents at home. These kids would be better off in a low rated public school with parents that teach them a thing or two about what it takes to be successful in this day, age, and economy.

So - this shark is saying hard pass on a poor investment for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.

You hit the nail on the head. This is very true.

When I give to charity, I decide when and where to do so. And the people I support appreciate it. People like OP’s sister feel that they are owed money by everyone else regardless of circumstances. You help them once, and they start demanding more and more. It never ends. No one said that we shouldn’t help family members, but we can’t jeopardize our financial security for those who make no effort to help themselves.

This is naive. You have no idea what the people are like who benefit from the charity. You write a check and you hope.

Helping people directly is a messy business.

Private school is probably a crappy investment. If op can afford to put some money aside for these kids’ college that she controls, that would be the best plan.

[Anonymous]

Private school is for people who 1)can pay for it or 2) qualify for financial aid. It’s not a right or entitlement. If she wants her kids to go she can navigate the aid process and if she doesn’t qualify then she clearly is mismanaging her finances which is even more reason not to give her the money.

I went to private school on scholarship and if she really thinks it’s important she will figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the poor sister is used to taking the easy way out and has entitlement issues. She’s able bodied yet takes money from her parents and also demanding from her sister to pay for her DC’s kids private school education? It is absurd. That’s not going to help them but just make her take the easy way out and make her continue to leech off of people and be lazy. If she were hardworking, taking on multiple jobs to make ends meet then i would have no problem helping her out but instead she thinks her kids deserve private school education when public schools are fine in her neighborhood. I’d be so furious.

Maybe I’m jaded but in these situations, the money never goes far with these people and she will be back to square 1. Not only that, the kids won’t even be all that thankful and all it will end up doing is straining the relationship. People should live within their means and those that help themselves will be helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You made the right decision, OP. Once you open your wallet to pay for a big discretionary expense like private school, you will be hit up again and again. We did the same with DH’s folks and then they asked us to help with his younger sister’s expenses. Another thing you realize is that the appreciation doesn’t last long. The minute you stop paying or refuse the next request, you will be resented and criticized. Might as well save your money until there is a real emergency that you can help with. Welcome to the Order of the Black Sheep!

This 1000%.

Human nature - they almost immediately will come to expect it. They feel entitled to the same lifestyle you have without understanding that they made different choices.

Don’t do it.

[Anonymous]

I would put money aside to help my parents. If you have extras for her emergencies, that’s great too, but only if you are wealthy. No to private school and Europe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet there is a lot more to this story. Even the title is off-putting.

These cutsy-poo thread titles are red flags that the OP is more about drama than actual facts (context; 2 sides of every story).

I bet if the sister wrote a post on DCUM the thread would read much differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

You are already giving her a lot, you just don’t know it,.,,.....she is draining any inheritance you will get from your parents. You never know if your parents don’t say no to her, they could have health problems later and need medical care that you may have to pay for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet there is a lot more to this story. Even the title is off-putting.

These cutsy-poo thread titles are red flags that the OP is more about drama than actual facts (context; 2 sides of every story).

I bet if the sister wrote a post on DCUM the thread would read much differently.

Speaking of actual facts, do you have any to back up your assertion that this is a drama-inspired post? You could start by looking at some social science journals to find these facts that you mention. We’ll wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet there is a lot more to this story. Even the title is off-putting.

These cutsy-poo thread titles are red flags that the OP is more about drama than actual facts (context; 2 sides of every story).

I bet if the sister wrote a post on DCUM the thread would read much differently.

Well if this is the case, I’m curious how the sister would represent her side of the story. Something like the following? “I just COULD not stop getting pregnant! Husband and I just had such hots for each other. You have to u detest and that this is human nature. I had to drop out of college because, you know, evolution just wouldn’t allow us to stop procreating. You and your husband clearly weren’t touched by the evolution bug in the same way hubby and I were. So why should OUR children not get private school, just like yours?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

To the previous poster who said flippantly give the money, let me ask you a question. Why should OP get up every day and work to support another adult couple and their children when they are physically able to work?!? Give a man a fish they will eat for a day, teach a man to fish they will eat for life. Think about that for a minute!

Help those who help themselves- otherwise just enabling bad behaviors. Maybe offer to pay for some financial counseling.

[Anonymous]

I would support career training for SIL or BIL before paying for private school for the nieces and nephews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Sorry Larla, I need to save money for my own retirement. Speaking of retirement, I am concerned that our parents don't have enough. Is there any way you and your hubs could earn more, to help support them?"

Sentence one is fine. The rest is passive aggressive.

Dp The last sentence is NOT passive aggressive or even directly "aggressive" It would be direct communication, for sure but, sounds like that is needed in this family. Passive aggressiveness would be more like the following-

"Poor mom and dad now have to get jobs because they are bankrupt due to helping some family member." hint hint