Rich sister, poor sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister and I are from an upper-middle class family. We were given the same opportunities. However, we were always very different, despite a 1.5 year difference (I am the youngest). She chose to get married very young and drop out of college sophomore year. I chose to pursue college education, then grad school. I have a good job. She lives paycheck to paycheck. She had 4 kids young, I only have 1 child. Our parents have been financially supporting her family for well over a decade. They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too.

Recently she has been saying how she wants her kids to have the same advantages as my son like vacations in Europe, overnight summer camps. She asked me point blank to help with tuition for her 2 oldest kids who she wants to send to a private school and I said no. She is an able bodied woman, her husband is an able bodied man, they live in an area with good public schools. It is not my fault that her husband cannot hold a job, that he gets fired a lot. I also find it terrible that our parents, who are in their mid70s! financially support her.

I am now a black sheep in my family because I said no to her. Our other siblings, whom she has also hit for money, are all aghast "well, is it that hard for you to help her? You only have 1 child!"

Would you have helped her?

There's more to this story.

I'm guessing you were the fat ugly sister and she the pretty one and this is some sort of revenge of the nerds scenario.

Go back to writing sad fanfic.

What's fanfic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.

+1

Thing could change for you OP. Tables turn. Keep your family a priority. My sister became estranged after a money grab from our parents estate. She is very lonely now. Money is not #1.

This is one of the more ridiculous posts I have seen here. Why should OP pay for private schools for her sisters kids? It's not like it's a medical emergency. What's next? A luxury vacation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you close to the kids?
Are any of them gifted or have another special need/talent?

OP: not particularly close. They are older than DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.

+1

Thing could change for you OP. Tables turn. Keep your family a priority. My sister became estranged after a money grab from our parents estate. She is very lonely now. Money is not #1.

But I didn't grab anything. I earned it! She is the one living off our parents. I am a responsible adult who is taking care of her child and don't rely on others to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you close to the kids?
Are any of them gifted or have another special need/talent?

OP: not particularly close. They are older than DS.

Then it’s not your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would start a 529 for them but not tell my sister. I would also take each one or two a time to spend time with me. I would try to be as much of a positive influence as I could. I would make sure they have things like a laptop in HS if the school does not provide one. Depending on my financial status, I would send them to an enrichment camp to foster a strength and interest of theirs. I would give no money to my sister, unless it I’d directtlu to a program for her to get a certificate or degree.

I agree--I'd be open to helping out the kids in specific ways, including things like paying for camps related to their interests and talents, or tutoring if necessary, or college funds. But I would not commit to paying private school tuitions for several kids (it's two now, but you know the sister would expect it for the other two eventually) who have the option of attending good public schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Upper middle class families don't declare bankruptcy or almost have their house foreclosed upon. Something in your story doesn't add up.

The sister is no long upper middle class. She doesn't have much of an education, 4 young kid. She is poor.

Reading is fundamental. The OP states that the sisters are FROM an UMC class family but now the parents are bankrupt and almost lost their home? No. Maybe OP's parents were MC but paycheck to paycheck. Otherwise there is no way they are suddenly broke because of "poor sister."

It's your reading that is off. The parents aren't broke. This --> "They have no savings. They've declared bankruptcy before, their house was almost foreclosed too." is about the poor sister.

+1.

Misplaced modifier. The parents are the subject of the previous sentence.

You’re annoying. What are you, the PRAXIS 5047? Get a life.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would not pay for anything that was not 100% necessary for your sisters children.

My SIL was supported by her parents for over 2 years, by receiving $5K a month from them. Decades later, MIL is out of $ except for SS and retirement plan checks.

Unfortunately, MIL's income does not cover her expenses. DH and I are currently sending her $2K a month.

Sometimes we end up paying -- one way or another.

[Anonymous]

From the responses, it's easy to guess which posters have asked for money from relatives, and which posters have been asked for money.
In my experience, those who ask for money for non-essentials and non-emergencies are pretty lousy about paying it back... they were lousy with money in the first place, and feel entitled to spend your hard-earned money.
OP- you already know that it isn't a good idea, and you know you will feel resentful. And never let your sister play the ,"but you only have one child" card...she could have stopped at the number of kids she could actually afford to support.

[Anonymous]

I only hear from my sister when she needs money. I always help her out. She doesn't even say thank you but I love her and feel I need to help her. She probably gets other help from my brother but it doesn't matter. A few hundred here and there every other month or so will not hurt our bottom line.

OP, tell your sister you are sorry but cannot do those things for her. No need to go the you are poor I am rich route. That sounds mean. Tell her she needs to find alternative sources if she wants better things in life. Be firm but be nice then let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From the responses, it's easy to guess which posters have asked for money from relatives, and which posters have been asked for money.
In my experience, those who ask for money for non-essentials and non-emergencies are pretty lousy about paying it back... they were lousy with money in the first place, and feel entitled to spend your hard-earned money.
OP- you already know that it isn't a good idea, and you know you will feel resentful. And never let your sister play the ,"but you only have one child" card...she could have stopped at the number of kids she could actually afford to support.

This!

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would help the children. We pay tuition for two of our nephews. Their parents make very bad choices and, frankly, are lousy parents. We pay the tuition and provide other support to try to help the children have better lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.

You hit the nail on the head. This is very true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.

You hit the nail on the head. This is very true.

You are ridiculous. Charity? Yes, of course. Pay other people's private school tuition? Um, no.

[Anonymous]

I would divorce my black sheep butt from these people