Rich sister, poor sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You. Are. Me. Exactly. Except my sister cut me off rather than asking for a huge amount of money.

My heart bleeds for her because I know if she could go back in time she would have made drastically different choices. She went nuts trying to hoard as much of my parents’ property as she could after they both died (she and her kids had permanently moved in with them after she and her husband divorced when she was late 20s), then cut off all 3 of her siblings over some perceived slight the rest of us don’t understand. I “loaned” her a few thousand dollars before she cut me off, but she has not (yet) asked for anything else.

The primary difference with your situation is that although my sister seems to feel entitled to a lot of things in life, she would never ask me for anything unless it was a dire necessity. She cut me off instead.

No, I would not do what your sister is asking, and I’m surprised that your siblings were on board with it.

+2

Same here, OP. Some people are just spoiled, greedy (!!!) narcissists. You can't change her. Help with genuine emergencies only - definitely not vacations and private school. She sounds extremely entitled, like my sister (and a few people I know, frankly).

[Anonymous]

Yeah I'd pass on this. If you want to ask me for money, you are inviting me to review your finances. I'll gladly help with money, with some strings attached. If you want my money, you will also have to take my financial advice.

Oh what? You don't want me to tell you what to do? Ok, then don't ask me for money.

[Anonymous]

I would not do this. It's not a necessity. She made her choices. YOu have not obligation. And I'd tell my other siblings and family to stuff it, as it's not their business. Then DO.NOT.Discuss.

The only caveat to this is if I had BIG money. Like, can spend without a care in the world, big money. Then I'd probably help b/c, well, what else am I doing with my money?

[Anonymous]

I would help for medical needs or if the job loss / lack of employment was due to an accident or circumstances beyond her control.

But no, I would not subsidize her making choices that she is unhappy about. I specifically don’t call them poor choices, because no child NEEDS sleep away camp, travel sports, foreign travel, or private school. In fact MOST kids have none of those things and a small group get 1 or 2.

It is an anomaly in the affluent DC region that people think some of the things they swear “all the kids” do are normal and not luxuries for a few elites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford it, sure! We ‘help’ several members of my family. If it’s a burden, then different story! But we can and it’s not like 30-60 year old family members are going to suddenly become financially solvent and ‘learn a lesson’ or something. But I’m sort of a pushover so maybe don’t take my advice 😃

Why wouldn't a 30-year-old family member become financially solvent? Why wouldn't they 'learn a lesson' or something?
I genuinely don't understand.

[Anonymous]

I would help your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not do this. It's not a necessity. She made her choices. YOu have not obligation. And I'd tell my other siblings and family to stuff it, as it's not their business. Then DO.NOT.Discuss.

The only caveat to this is if I had BIG money. Like, can spend without a care in the world, big money. Then I'd probably help b/c, well, what else am I doing with my money?

If you had BIG money, you would set up an air-tight education trust fund for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Not with tuition. I might send my nieces to camp with my daughter so they have a summer experience together, or take my sisters family on a foreign trip with mine, but tuition is signing up for something way too long term with way too much risk— if you and your sister have a falling out you pull your nephew out of the school he’s about to graduate from? I’d need a Reaaalllllyy convincing argument to fund private school.

[Anonymous]

Teach her how to fish: help with therapy, career classes, etc.