Do all marriages kind of suck?

[Anonymous]

We have 3 kids. We love our kids and our family. We make a good team. We aren’t really romantic, more like plutonic friends co-parenting. We have sex maybe once a month. I don’t enjoy it. We are both still fit and attractive. I don’t feel in love. Both staying for the kids.

Is this fairly common?

I feel like most couples are unhappily married. Many couples we know are in trouble or divorcing. A few were separated but trying to work it out for the kids. Some have jobs they hate. Others struggle financially. Some husbands obviously don’t seem into wife. No one seems truly happy. The few that care most about appearances have the worst problems- affairs or mental illness.

[Anonymous]

They ebb and flow. Everyone goes through times like ypu describe. It gets easier as children get older. Friendship is as important as love and lust. Being able to laugh together is key.

-Married 31 years

[Anonymous]

OP are you a man or a woman?

[Anonymous]

Married 18 years, together for 23. I agree with previous poster. It ebbs and flows even when you are a good match. We have two young children, two demanding jobs, extended family and friends, etc. I feel like we came through those times that were hard and that can bring you to the next level because your expectations can shift, you can mellow and if you work on yourselves you can grow and be wiser and now we are happier, fewer control battles. But its very hard sometimes yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids. We love our kids and our family. We make a good team. We aren’t really romantic, more like plutonic friends co-parenting. We have sex maybe once a month. I don’t enjoy it. We are both still fit and attractive. I don’t feel in love. Both staying for the kids.

Is this fairly common?

I feel like most couples are unhappily married. Many couples we know are in trouble or divorcing. A few were separated but trying to work it out for the kids. Some have jobs they hate. Others struggle financially. Some husbands obviously don’t seem into wife. No one seems truly happy. The few that care most about appearances have the worst problems- affairs or mental illness.

Haha wow. Well done, OP. Yeah, I’d say that pretty much sums it up. Most will say, “Work harder!” Date nights! Lingerie! Chore play! But at the end of the day, it’s just basically disappointing, and it really will suck the life out of you.

[Anonymous]

Life can be very hard obviously, why would marriage be any different?

[Anonymous]

I think it kind of sucks at times. Not all the time. Different phases in life are harder than others.

[Anonymous]

No my marriage is great! He’s still my best friend after 20 years and three teenagers. I could not do this without him.
Our sex life is still very active.

[Anonymous]

My marriage is still awesome. We have a draining toddler and sex is a rarity, but there's still a lot of physical affection and emotional warmth, and we still regard each other as the best thing ever -- still really in love. It's sometimes hard to work up the energy to talk, but we have exhausted in-front-of-TV cuddling and great little conversations / text messages / etc.

I miss the pre-child phase of our life, admittedly.

[Anonymous]

I think the book baby proofing your marriage says it best:
It’s like running a daycare with someone you used to date

[Anonymous]

No. I’ve loved mine for 27 years now.
Why would you enter in a partnership that sucks?
It’s privilege to have someone else to share your life with - it’s supposed to be fun and supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They ebb and flow. Everyone goes through times like ypu describe. It gets easier as children get older. Friendship is as important as love and lust. Being able to laugh together is key.

-Married 31 years

I agree. Kids and finances can break your marriage. But if you hold on it gets better.

[Anonymous]

Read about the happiness u-curve.

https://amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/382235/?client=safari

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They ebb and flow. Everyone goes through times like ypu describe. It gets easier as children get older. Friendship is as important as love and lust. Being able to laugh together is key.

-Married 31 years

I agree. Kids and finances can break your marriage. But if you hold on it gets better.

Also agree.

[Anonymous]

I thought my marriage was great for the first 20 years...then DH had a midlife crisis.