Do all marriages kind of suck?

[Anonymous]

Our marriage has been wonderful. We were in our late 20’s when we got married and we didn’t have children for almost five years which allowed us to get both our careers and marriage firmly established before kids were on the scene. Three kids in five years certainly led to chaos for a long time but we were in it together and while it was crazy it never created any marriage stress. My DH was very supportive of the different career decisions I made and he was very successful which meant that money was never a big issue. We’ve been married 37 years and we love being together and we still have a very fun sex life. I just regret that we are in our mid 60’s and that this life will not go on forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our marriage has been wonderful. We were in our late 20’s when we got married and we didn’t have children for almost five years which allowed us to get both our careers and marriage firmly established before kids were on the scene. Three kids in five years certainly led to chaos for a long time but we were in it together and while it was crazy it never created any marriage stress. My DH was very supportive of the different career decisions I made and he was very successful which meant that money was never a big issue. We’ve been married 37 years and we love being together and we still have a very fun sex life. I just regret that we are in our mid 60’s and that this life will not go on forever.

I think waiting a few years to have children is very helpful in a marriage so you can really get to know each other before you make the BIG commitment. If you discover the marriage sucks pre-kids, the exit is a lot less painful. To OP’s question I don’t think all marriages suck but there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Every marriage will have it’s grrr moments and frustration caused by many things but most of our married friends seem pretty happy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Some people are happy people and some people are unhappy people... it s all about perspective

Somebody would describe your life exactly as you have and feel like they hit the lottery, you don't. that is a choice. You chose to be unhappy.

This is simplistic and harsh.

DP. It's not.

Show me the single people who are happy being single. They are the same people who will be happy being married.

Some people have unreasonable expectations about what life should be. They end up disappointed.

Relationships with parents/siblings/best friends ebb and flow. Why would relationships in marriage be any different?

Because marriage is infinitely more stressful and weighted than relationships with friends and siblings?

I agree that personality characteristics can play a role in happiness; but that's not the same as saying to you can "chose" to be happy.

Marriage does not have to be stressful and weighted. That is the result of emotional choices.

Right ... it's all just "emotional choices." sounds like you should become a therapist, since you've figured out that it's so easy.

It is choices... some of you made a choice to marry a man without considering... is this a decent guy? Will he help me in the home? Does he have good relationships? Does he manage his money well? Is his family sane? Is his spiritual life ok? Does he care about his career, but not so much it will overwhelm us?

Those choices are what lead to a low stress marriage.

No, you liked the guy, the sex was good, he made good money, and you married him without considering everything that marriage is, and now you’re not happy. Tough.

Ok, I'd like you to make the choice not to be an ignorant a-hole, then.

Ouch, did I hit a nerve? So sorry!

Again, can you choose not to be a d*ck? Something is driving you to hector unhappy people online into believing that they are at fault for their unhappiness. Sounds like a HUGE character flaw on your part that you should CHOOSE to change.

Not PP but yeah, most of y’all ARE responsible for your unhappiness. This is your exact problem: you refuse to acknowledge your part in it/control over it. It’s apparently easier to just blame everything around you and be a victim. Sad and pathetic.

I acknowledge my part in it by leaving my sucky marriage.
Those of you claiming we can just willpower our way out of truly sucky marriages are naive or engaged in furious reaction formation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids. We love our kids and our family. We make a good team. We aren’t really romantic, more like plutonic friends co-parenting. We have sex maybe once a month. I don’t enjoy it. We are both still fit and attractive. I don’t feel in love. Both staying for the kids.

Is this fairly common?

I feel like most couples are unhappily married. Many couples we know are in trouble or divorcing. A few were separated but trying to work it out for the kids. Some have jobs they hate. Others struggle financially. Some husbands obviously don’t seem into wife. No one seems truly happy. The few that care most about appearances have the worst problems- affairs or mental illness.

You must live in an interesting neighborhood and have some very interesting friends. Most of our married friends seem quite happy. Maybe it’s something in your water.