Do all marriages kind of suck?

[Anonymous]

I don't know if it's common, but it's not what my marriage is like. Aside from when I have my period, we have sex anywhere from 2-4 times a week. We have two elementary school kids. On Monday night we had an appointment and held hands for five or six blocks on our walk home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They ebb and flow. Everyone goes through times like ypu describe. It gets easier as children get older. Friendship is as important as love and lust. Being able to laugh together is key.

-Married 31 years

I agree. Kids and finances can break your marriage. But if you hold on it gets better.

We found kids to be the most amazing things ever. It makes life suddenly on color. I would never want to go back to my prekid life- and one of ours is SN.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t get married if I could do it over. You change too much over the course of a lifetime. Finding someone who’s truly compatible with you at 30 and at 60 seems like hitting the lottery.

[Anonymous]

No. My husband is still my best friend ever and its been 9 years so far. Sex has dropped off due to kids but still find him attractive. Now the kids on the other hand, I do miss my prekid life sometimes.

[Anonymous]

I’m happy and we have tons of fun, but we never had/wanted kids.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

Marriage is mainly for creating and/or maintaining wealth, raising children, having a companion and someone to take care of you in times of sickness. Once you accept marriage as an institution it’s easier to handle it.

That said, NOT ever getting married because of its limitations isn’t a recipe for happiness either. Things that are worthwhile in life tend to be hard. Simply bailing when the romance isn’t hot and heavy anymore means that you’ll be using people and likely go from partner to partner your entire life. My friends in cultures that don’t encourage marriage seem rather unhappy. The challenges with their system has made me appreciate the benefits of marriage.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been married for ten years (2 kids under 4) and don’t feel this way. I don’t think most of my friends do either.

[Anonymous]

My marriage is the best thing going on in my life right now. Yes, we bicker and get on each other’s nerves sometimes but we love and support each other. That love is really important when when everything else in life gets hard - work, kids, family, health.

[Anonymous]

Mine has definitely gone from "highlight of life" to "institution that makes life possible" with little kids. We need and appreciate each other but most of our awake time is centered on kids, work and commuting, logistics, teamwork - we don't have the fun we used to because we don't have the time to ourselves until 10 PM on weeknights. I'm less into sex than I used to be and it's down to 1-2x a week because, again, on weeknights it is a DIRECT tradeoff for a full night's sleep. It's not just marriage, my hobbies have suffered a lot too.

I tell myself this is a season. It was harder with a baby. As our kids grow older and want to spend less time with us, I hope more time to enjoy the marriage and hobbies will be the silver lining.

[Anonymous]

We are still very happy after 35 years. Despite two careers, three children and many moves our relationship has always been very strong. Neither of us is high maintenance and our strengths are very complementary. I’m very organized and can make things happen and my DH has always been good at making money and letting me be me. We continue to have a very active sex life which really helps.

[Anonymous]

Some people are happy people and some people are unhappy people... it s all about perspective

Somebody would describe your life exactly as you have and feel like they hit the lottery, you don't. that is a choice. You chose to be unhappy.

[Anonymous]

My marriage is pretty good, 32 years so far. It's about communication and compromise.

[Anonymous]

No, all marriages do not kind of suck. And also, what you’re feeling is very common and “normal.” People want different things in life. Some people are very content to prioritize stability, friendship, partnership in building a family and raising children. Some people are miserable in the same situation. Some people need excitement and new experiences and find that hard to satisfy in a stable marriage with lots of work and child-related responsibilities. Some people still manage to find what they need. Mis-matches in needs and preferences make it harder. You have to both want the other to be happy and fulfilled, and willing to communicate about difficult things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people are happy people and some people are unhappy people... it s all about perspective

Somebody would describe your life exactly as you have and feel like they hit the lottery, you don't. that is a choice. You chose to be unhappy.

This is simplistic and harsh.

[Anonymous]

No, it is not like that. DH and I have been married for 25 years and we love spending tome together and even small trips to Home Depot are enjoyable and we like to go together. Some days are boring, but that is normal. Some days are great. We agree on most things but he will take my advice on many things these days. Out kids are older teens now. How old are you OP and how old are your kids? Young kids are a lot of work.