Husband is a financial liability

[Anonymous]

Husband is an attorney- in the past ten years has quit 3 jobs (2 law firms, 1 gov) because it wasn’t the right ‘fit’. He always goes back to contracting- low accountability, low standards, & flexible hours.
He’s 60- zero in savings & still 100k of school debt. He just got notice that his contact is up in 4 weeks. He’s ‘not worried’.
Meanwhile- I’m slugging away at teaching in a district/commute I can’t stand. But I have no flexibility to change because he’s irresponsible. Will also add, I’m the only one saving for retirement & LT care for our SN son. I’ve stayed in this unplugged marriage because I figured I got more out of him as a spouse than I would as a divorced dad. Now I’m seeing things differently. I’ll soon again have to carry the entire household- so why not divorce? This is never going to get better, is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband is an attorney- in the past ten years has quit 3 jobs (2 law firms, 1 gov) because it wasn’t the right ‘fit’. He always goes back to contracting- low accountability, low standards, & flexible hours.
He’s 60- zero in savings & still 100k of school debt. He just got notice that his contact is up in 4 weeks. He’s ‘not worried’.
Meanwhile- I’m slugging away at teaching in a district/commute I can’t stand. But I have no flexibility to change because he’s irresponsible. Will also add, I’m the only one saving for retirement & LT care for our SN son. I’ve stayed in this unplugged marriage because I figured I got more out of him as a spouse than I would as a divorced dad. Now I’m seeing things differently. I’ll soon again have to carry the entire household- so why not divorce? This is never going to get better, is it?

It will stay the same, Why should he change?

[Anonymous]

Why should he want to save for the care of our son? Or save for retirement?

[Anonymous]

So he's expected to have a highest-earning more stable job? First of all, look at your job. Perhaps you should be making more, no excuses. Secondly, you are talking about a unicorn. I make a lot of money because I took a risk to make money. My husband has the stable job that pays less. Many industries are like that. You trade stability for pay potential.

[Anonymous]

He has no stability. He doesn’t make less- he often makes nothing. I’d love to leave teaching. Currently make $120,000. But I don’t feel comfortable walking away from a pension when I know he is saving nothing. Homeboy has $800 saved. Total.
Do folks in marriages honestly feel no obligation. To keep a steady job? I’d feel like sh*t if I thought my weak work ethic meant that my family would suffer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he's expected to have a highest-earning more stable job? First of all, look at your job. Perhaps you should be making more, no excuses. Secondly, you are talking about a unicorn. I make a lot of money because I took a risk to make money. My husband has the stable job that pays less. Many industries are like that. You trade stability for pay potential.

There can definitely be a trade off between stable and high-earning, but this guy is doing neither ( or is spending recklessly).

OP, I don’t think he’ll change. Maybe he is a lazy SOB or maybe he actually has undiagnosed SN. Have you considered the latter?
Sorry- it sounds soul-crushing.

[Anonymous]

You sound entitled. Your husband has a job. It’s not just the one you’d like him to have. He has had contracting positions in the past and he finds new ones. He is 60....you knew he was older when you had a a kid and that you’d be the one working longer. Take responsibility for your own actions and start advancing your own career. Tutoring is more lucrative than teaching. Try that on the side.

[Anonymous]

He makes $120k and your complaining!!! Sounds more like spending issues than saving...who is the spender in the family, who pays the mortgage? Bills? What are the largest expenses?

[Anonymous]

Nope- he’s very motivated to play soccer/play bartender.
I’m not trying to convince anyone he’s a bad guy- he just never grew up. And fog the longest time I’ve been picking up the slack. And I just can’t do it anymore. I cancelled our more recent vacation because- it was just me, putting it on a cc.
I’ve even suggested cutting our household expenses- so we could live easier off of my income. Renting out our current house ect. Then he could just work at Starbucks & make enough for his loans. He refuses.
I’ve never felt so trapped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He makes $120k and your complaining!!! Sounds more like spending issues than saving...who is the spender in the family, who pays the mortgage? Bills? What are the largest expenses?

I make $120, teaching!

[Anonymous]

If you make more he can get alimony and child support in a divorce l.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He makes $120k and your complaining!!! Sounds more like spending issues than saving...who is the spender in the family, who pays the mortgage? Bills? What are the largest expenses?

I make $120, teaching!

So...together you make $240k and you want to divorce over more $$$. Wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound entitled. Your husband has a job. It’s not just the one you’d like him to have. He has had contracting positions in the past and he finds new ones. He is 60....you knew he was older when you had a a kid and that you’d be the one working longer. Take responsibility for your own actions and start advancing your own career. Tutoring is more lucrative than teaching. Try that on the side.

It’s not what he makes. It’s his loans & lack of savings for our kid. Our child will require long term care.
I don’t mind working. I love my job. But I feel like he will drag us down with him. Oh- & I’ve side hustled. Tutoring, babysitting ect. He always wants a cut of the profits (vs. just paying down expenses) because he has to do more childcare while I hustle.
I’m terrified that supporting him will leave my son vulnerable when we are gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He makes $120k and your complaining!!! Sounds more like spending issues than saving...who is the spender in the family, who pays the mortgage? Bills? What are the largest expenses?

I make $120, teaching!

So...together you make $240k and you want to divorce over more $$$. Wow!

He doesn’t make 120. He makes, maybe 50. Which honestly almost covers his loans.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t you know he had loans when you married and had a kid?