Men older by a few years vs a decade and over

[Anonymous]

I’m in my late 20s and have always been interested in men who are 10-15 years older than me. That has always been my preference and my desired age range. The reason I prefer such specific large age gap is because I find these men are more mature and have life experience than those my age. Which to me means, they know how to deal with a woman because they’ve had plenty of relationship experience.

However, recently I’ve been very interested in a guy I met through a mutual friend. I started to see that has all the ideal qualities I always wanted in a man. When I got to know him, I realized he ticked all my boxes. I started to fall for him very hard. I have never felt that way about a guy in ages. I never asked about his age but always assumed he is roughly around 9-10 years older than me, due to his knowledge and broad depth of understanding regarding various topics.

I just came to learn he is 4 years older than me. He’s in his early 30s. I felt a little shocked and upset. I never found men few years older attractive in a sense to be relationship material because I viewed them more as friends than lovers. But now, my heart is telling me to continue and persue this relationship but my head is telling me that ‘he’s not your type as he’s not the age group you always wanted.’

Also, I forgot to add that I prefer the older guys because women age faster and I will continue to look younger in his eyes. I’m insecure and hesitant to persue this guy because I keep thinking a few years down the track once I have children and hit my mid 30s I will look older and he won’t be interested in me and might persue younger girls. He isn’t the type to do that, but these thoughts keep running through my head.

I need advice, especially from women who’ve been in relationships with men who were a couple years older than them and those with large age gap. Were you able to find maturity in the younger guys and were they completely committed to you or did you have struggles with them that could have been avoided if you were with an older man 10+ years?

[Anonymous]

Women do not age faster than men, lol. Honestly, you don’t sound like you are ready for any type of relationship. You are basing human relationships on untrue stereotypes. You sound insecure and like you need to work on yourself first (therapy).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my late 20s and have always been interested in men who are 10-15 years older than me. That has always been my preference and my desired age range. The reason I prefer such specific large age gap is because I find these men are more mature and have life experience than those my age. Which to me means, they know how to deal with a woman because they’ve had plenty of relationship experience.

However, recently I’ve been very interested in a guy I met through a mutual friend. I started to see that has all the ideal qualities I always wanted in a man. When I got to know him, I realized he ticked all my boxes. I started to fall for him very hard. I have never felt that way about a guy in ages. I never asked about his age but always assumed he is roughly around 9-10 years older than me, due to his knowledge and broad depth of understanding regarding various topics.

I just came to learn he is 4 years older than me. He’s in his early 30s. I felt a little shocked and upset. I never found men few years older attractive in a sense to be relationship material because I viewed them more as friends than lovers. But now, my heart is telling me to continue and persue this relationship but my head is telling me that ‘he’s not your type as he’s not the age group you always wanted.’

Also, I forgot to add that I prefer the older guys because women age faster and I will continue to look younger in his eyes. I’m insecure and hesitant to persue this guy because I keep thinking a few years down the track once I have children and hit my mid 30s I will look older and he won’t be interested in me and might persue younger girls. He isn’t the type to do that, but these thoughts keep running through my head.

I need advice, especially from women who’ve been in relationships with men who were a couple years older than them and those with large age gap. Were you able to find maturity in the younger guys and were they completely committed to you or did you have struggles with them that could have been avoided if you were with an older man 10+ years?

You need to be in therapy.

[Anonymous]

You might prefer an older man now, but will you want to take care of him when he’s 80 and you’re an active 65 year old? Think about it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Granted, I phrased it poorly and apolgize. I’ve always heard that from others, but now I won’t believe that line of thinking.

So forget that line I said and focus on the rest. Much appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Granted, I phrased it poorly and apolgize. I’ve always heard that from others, but now I won’t believe that line of thinking.

So forget that line I said and focus on the rest. Much appreciated.

Yeah, it doesn’t matter. Your entire line of thinking about this is kind of pathological and not based on reality. Older men have a lot of baggage and you should be focused on finding someone close to your age who wants to build a life with you (family etc.). You sound like you have daddy issues or some kind of self confidence problem, and I really think you should look into some therapy before pursuing a relationship.

[Anonymous]

It’s weird to decide in advance how much older the guy must be. My DH ended up being 2 years younger. He’s very mature and I don’t think I’ve aged faster than him. Together 18 years, married 15.

[Anonymous]

I prefer dating within 4 years of my age. It’s not s hard strict rule though.

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t matter. You like and connect with who you like and connect. Not the abstract what you think you like. And hey if it works out and he’s not 10-15 years older you won’t have to be a caretaker of a 70 year old man when you’re 55 and still in your prime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t matter. You like and connect with who you like and connect. Not the abstract what you think you like. And hey if it works out and he’s not 10-15 years older you won’t have to be a caretaker of a 70 year old man when you’re 55 and still in your prime.

This! Not to mention dealing with ED issues and a man who can’t perform when you’re still in your sexual prime.

[Anonymous]

Maturity is not dependent on age.
Don't sabotage a good relationship with your flawed thinking.
You actually seem very immature. I think you need some introspective thinking about who you are (instead of being so "insecure" about looks and age)

[Anonymous]

The first reason you gave for dating older men - they have relationship experience with women - is true of your early 30s man whether you are 21 (10 years younger) or 28 (4 years younger). I think people are asking why you feel the need to be so much younger than your romantic partners. Do you feel like your relative youth/beauty gives you power in the relationship? Are you looking to defer to someone older who “knows more” than you and not be an equal partner in deciding/determining your own life path? You have to know that your point of view here is pretty unusual and many many more people marry people within 5 years of their own age than 10-15 years older.

[Anonymous]

Women shrivel up after 30 so it's good advice to date older men. Men stay looking good up to 70

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Granted, I phrased it poorly and apolgize. I’ve always heard that from others, but now I won’t believe that line of thinking.

So forget that line I said and focus on the rest. Much appreciated.

LOL.

[Anonymous]

If you date older men who are into 20 something women, you will soon age out of that group and they will replace you. I don’t think your theory is very sound.