DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues

[Anonymous]

OK, I'm going to sound like a loon, but I have no idea what in the world just happened, and what I could have done to change this.

We are a house that doesn't do regular milk. Soy and almond milk only. Been this way for 10+ years. Husband goes to Costco to get more, and comes back with regular milk. I was confused and said, "did you decide you'd rather go with the regular milk?" sort of really confused, but whatever, it's MILK. Who ultimately cares. Until he goes from zero to sixty on this one question - tells me over and over it's soy milk. Guys, it's regular milk. Pictures of cows. Narrative on what they feed their cows on the side. Nowhere anywhere does it say the word soy. Because it's not. So I just casually say, "hmm, I wonder if this was in the wrong section because this ain't soy milk."

He blows up at me. OK, clearly it's not about the soy milk, but how in the hell do you interact with someone who, in the face of all evidence to the contrary, still stays the course and continues to point fingers at you as the person to blame? Because that's what's going on here. What's irritating is that he'll fight to the mats on this one, and if I then go out and buy actual soy milk, he'll yell at me, and so now I'm stuck. Like I said, it's milk, so what, I'll live.

But WTH?? This is the dumbest argument.... Do I just do/say nothing and let him figure it out when the damn milk ultimately spoils because he got three huge containers of it, and he'll be the only one drinking it? Or is this something to address? Like, dude, don't speak to me that way when you're OBJECTIVELY WRONG?? I have no idea how to "argue" with something that claims the sky is green. I'm more looking for tips from BTDT folks because what I've been doing the past 12 years obviously isn't working.

[Anonymous]

He probably feels dumb for buying the wrong milk and didn't like it being pointed out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, I'm going to sound like a loon, but I have no idea what in the world just happened, and what I could have done to change this.

We are a house that doesn't do regular milk. Soy and almond milk only. Been this way for 10+ years. Husband goes to Costco to get more, and comes back with regular milk. I was confused and said, "did you decide you'd rather go with the regular milk?" sort of really confused, but whatever, it's MILK. Who ultimately cares. Until he goes from zero to sixty on this one question - tells me over and over it's soy milk. Guys, it's regular milk. Pictures of cows. Narrative on what they feed their cows on the side. Nowhere anywhere does it say the word soy. Because it's not. So I just casually say, "hmm, I wonder if this was in the wrong section because this ain't soy milk."

He blows up at me. OK, clearly it's not about the soy milk, but how in the hell do you interact with someone who, in the face of all evidence to the contrary, still stays the course and continues to point fingers at you as the person to blame? Because that's what's going on here. What's irritating is that he'll fight to the mats on this one, and if I then go out and buy actual soy milk, he'll yell at me, and so now I'm stuck. Like I said, it's milk, so what, I'll live.

But WTH?? This is the dumbest argument.... Do I just do/say nothing and let him figure it out when the damn milk ultimately spoils because he got three huge containers of it, and he'll be the only one drinking it? Or is this something to address? Like, dude, don't speak to me that way when you're OBJECTIVELY WRONG?? I have no idea how to "argue" with something that claims the sky is green. I'm more looking for tips from BTDT folks because what I've been doing the past 12 years obviously isn't working.

Are you saying this is an example of something he does a lot or it's confusing because it's out of character?
If he does it a lot, there is no need to figure it out because it's time to go. Especially when you say that he'll yell at you for buying more milk.

If it's a one-off, we can speculate as to what might have been going on for him that day, but what difference does it make. Just buy your milk and carry on.

[Anonymous]

Wait until you both have time to sit and relax-at home, or even better out somewhere: "when we had that argument about the milk, I felt like it was deeper than the milk. Can you tell me how you were feeling?"

Knowing nothing but what you posted, I'm thinking he felt some combo of "I try but it's never enough/she always finds fault/I make a mistake and she mocks me." Once someone feels picked on it's easy to hear digs in every conversation-and that's not necessarily your fault if you are just asking about the milk, but even if it's not your fault it is an issue that you both need to address together. You may just need a reset, where you both focus on using positive, appreciative language with each other. Or maybe, he is struggling with something completely different. Either way, you need to talk to each other.

[Anonymous]

I'd shift from arguing with him about it to "how are we gonna fix this?" mode.

Tone is important in these conversations too.

But then I would have just said "look this is cow's milk, I'm not arguing about that fact anymore. Do you want to return it or should I run out and do it?"

[Anonymous]

Are you sure it wasn't rice milk?

[Anonymous]

Just let go and he'll find out himself.

[Anonymous]

This is nothing to do with milk.

Does he blow up often?

Was he yelling?

You may be in an abuse situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, I'm going to sound like a loon, but I have no idea what in the world just happened, and what I could have done to change this.

We are a house that doesn't do regular milk. Soy and almond milk only. Been this way for 10+ years. Husband goes to Costco to get more, and comes back with regular milk. I was confused and said, "did you decide you'd rather go with the regular milk?" sort of really confused, but whatever, it's MILK. Who ultimately cares. Until he goes from zero to sixty on this one question - tells me over and over it's soy milk. Guys, it's regular milk. Pictures of cows. Narrative on what they feed their cows on the side. Nowhere anywhere does it say the word soy. Because it's not. So I just casually say, "hmm, I wonder if this was in the wrong section because this ain't soy milk."

He blows up at me. OK, clearly it's not about the soy milk, but how in the hell do you interact with someone who, in the face of all evidence to the contrary, still stays the course and continues to point fingers at you as the person to blame? Because that's what's going on here. What's irritating is that he'll fight to the mats on this one, and if I then go out and buy actual soy milk, he'll yell at me, and so now I'm stuck. Like I said, it's milk, so what, I'll live.

But WTH?? This is the dumbest argument.... Do I just do/say nothing and let him figure it out when the damn milk ultimately spoils because he got three huge containers of it, and he'll be the only one drinking it? Or is this something to address? Like, dude, don't speak to me that way when you're OBJECTIVELY WRONG?? I have no idea how to "argue" with something that claims the sky is green. I'm more looking for tips from BTDT folks because what I've been doing the past 12 years obviously isn't working.

Seriously, it doesn’t sound like you are household that doesn’t drink regular milk. It sounds as though YOU don’t, and thus no one else does/ should.

He grabbed the wrong milk, and you decided to make an inquisition and issue about it. Have you never grabbed the wrong item at the grocery store?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, I'm going to sound like a loon, but I have no idea what in the world just happened, and what I could have done to change this.

We are a house that doesn't do regular milk. Soy and almond milk only. Been this way for 10+ years. Husband goes to Costco to get more, and comes back with regular milk. I was confused and said, "did you decide you'd rather go with the regular milk?" sort of really confused, but whatever, it's MILK. Who ultimately cares. Until he goes from zero to sixty on this one question - tells me over and over it's soy milk. Guys, it's regular milk. Pictures of cows. Narrative on what they feed their cows on the side. Nowhere anywhere does it say the word soy. Because it's not. So I just casually say, "hmm, I wonder if this was in the wrong section because this ain't soy milk."

He blows up at me. OK, clearly it's not about the soy milk, but how in the hell do you interact with someone who, in the face of all evidence to the contrary, still stays the course and continues to point fingers at you as the person to blame? Because that's what's going on here. What's irritating is that he'll fight to the mats on this one, and if I then go out and buy actual soy milk, he'll yell at me, and so now I'm stuck. Like I said, it's milk, so what, I'll live.

But WTH?? This is the dumbest argument.... Do I just do/say nothing and let him figure it out when the damn milk ultimately spoils because he got three huge containers of it, and he'll be the only one drinking it? Or is this something to address? Like, dude, don't speak to me that way when you're OBJECTIVELY WRONG?? I have no idea how to "argue" with something that claims the sky is green. I'm more looking for tips from BTDT folks because what I've been doing the past 12 years obviously isn't working.

Seriously, it doesn’t sound like you are household that doesn’t drink regular milk. It sounds as though YOU don’t, and thus no one else does/ should.

He grabbed the wrong milk, and you decided to make an inquisition and issue about it. Have you never grabbed the wrong item at the grocery store?

Oh, and on the who CARES.. you obviously ultimately do, or you wouldn’t have made an issue out of it to start with. If you didn’t care, you would have looked at it, put it in the fridge, and fixed your cereal the same way you have for 10 years. And you wouldn’t have posted here... because he picked the wrong milk.

[Anonymous]

Your first response was ok. The second one you were being an asshole

[Anonymous]

You were being annoying

[Anonymous]

This is so far from a big deal (or one at all) and yet you are making it one. Your husband made a VERY minor mistake and you are harping on it and he is being understandably defensive. Who cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure it wasn't rice milk?

Lol.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you were being annoying at all. It's weird to insist something is soy when the packaging says otherwise. I'd probably say "Clearly you're having a day because you're blowing up over milk. Come talk to me when you've come to your senses."