Son doesn't want to come home for Easter because we won't visit him in his new house
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Anonymous
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DS and his wife live 7 hours driving from us in DC. Him and DIL bought a house in August, and then got a dog in December. We're very excited for them and all the exciting new changes! DS has invited us down multiple times, but we've been very busy. My mother has been in and out of the hospital since December, although things are a bit more settled now that we've moved her into assisted living. I work part-time, but my job requires me to be available all day on Sundays. DH is semi-retired; he does consulting work most weeks, but that's pretty flexible.
Anyways, I asked DS if him and DIL were coming back home for Easter. He told us that they wouldn't be coming, as he's upset at the fact that we haven't visited them in their new house yet, despite the fact that him and DIL have come back to visit us twice in the same time span. I'm just completely at a loss here. We've had every intention of visiting them since they moved in August, but life has just gotten in the way. It's just very sad that DS sees it this way. Am I right to be upset, or am I in the wrong here? |
Anonymous
| If they’ve visited you twice already, he’s making it clear it’s your turn to travel to see them. I’d go Easter if you can swing it, and if not, then find another time that works. It’s your turn, it’s not a big deal, there’s nothing to be “hurt” over. |
Anonymous
| It’s your turn. It takes money and time to visit both ways. He’s invested time and money. You need to get some skin in the game. |
Anonymous
| They should make all the effort and trips? |
Anonymous
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You need to make it happen. If your mom is in the hospital, there’s not really much you can do for her is there? There are nurses and doctors. Now she’s in assisted living. Make it happen. If someone offered you $1,000,000 to go visit your son, I guarantee you’d magically find the time to do it. So, do it without being paid a million dollars.
BTW it’s he and DIL not him and DIL. |
Anonymous
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You're wrong. He's made it clear this is important to him. You haven't found the time because you have other commitments. You are treating him as less important than other people in your life. You can't expect him to drop everything to come for Easter, when you aren't willing to make an effort to go see him.
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Anonymous
| Just go. Go without your husband for a couple of days if schedules are that hard to coordinate. A first house is a big deal. He feels like you don’t care. Show him you do and make it happen. |
Anonymous
| A 7 hr drive is a lot, so I can understand why you haven't been able to visit, and I also understand why he and his wife aren't up for making the trip again. Both of you have reasonable positions--I don't think it's a cause for being upset on either side, even if it's disappointing he isn't coming for Easter. It's clear they want you to visit, so you should try to find a time this spring when you can. |
Anonymous
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Him and DIL didn’t buy a house. HE and DIL bought a house.
Please go visit him. |
Anonymous
"Anyways," I agree. You need to go visit him. |
Anonymous
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If what you're saying is true, then you should apologize. Just tell him sincerely that you didn't realize how important it was to them that you visit their house. Don't pepper the apology with any passive aggressive digs, don't imply his feelings are wrong. Don't tell him that you're sad ds sees it that way, because that implies you're right and he's wrong.
Sure you can feel upset about this, but take the high road here. |
Anonymous
Yes. OP, if you unsure if it is "him" or "he" when listing more than one person, say the sentence with only "him" or "he" to figure out which is correct. Same trick works with "me" and "I". |
Anonymous
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You are wrong.
Take leave, visit your child FFS. |
Anonymous
| Just fly if the 7-hour drive is tough. Buy in advance and tckets are cheap. |
Anonymous
| You are wrong. Go visit the kid. |