Son doesn't want to come home for Easter because we won't visit him in his new house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm on the receiving end of this. Very disappointed that my able bodied, retired mom won't visit. I understand about not wanting to drive but have offered to pay her airfare and host her. She's happy enough to have us visit but won't make the effort to come here. But "us" going there is a much bigger production due to multiple children, having to take and coordinate vacation and child care arrangements. It's frustrating, but she just won't budge. She would rather spend the holidays alone than travel. I think she is anxious about traveling alone, but still...

My mom lives 10 minutes away and always claims she is buys. I am so pissed we bought a small crappy home near her per her wishes vs. moving out with a nice house. So, even if they were close, they may not see you. My mom can travel with her partner all the time to see his kids, host his kids/grandkids, etc. So, I stopped making the effort too. OP, you will lose them if you don't make an effort. They have visited, your turn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, tell your kid the same thing that I would tell mine if they were this selfish: "Life happens. Man up and deal with it." I have three sons who are in their 20's. We talk. We do not waste time visiting one another. They have their own lives and so do I. One of them is a Type 1 diabetic and has almost died multiple times. I do not spend my life hanging onto his coattails, nor does he need me around in order to survive. I raised my boys to be tough men and not petulant toddlers.

Wow, just wow. Hope you have your nursing home picked out. OP is selfish and could take a few days to go visit.

[Anonymous]

I know Jeff said he can't tell if this is a troll, but how come OP hasn't come back? Just such a click and bait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, tell your kid the same thing that I would tell mine if they were this selfish: "Life happens. Man up and deal with it." I have three sons who are in their 20's. We talk. We do not waste time visiting one another. They have their own lives and so do I. One of them is a Type 1 diabetic and has almost died multiple times. I do not spend my life hanging onto his coattails, nor does he need me around in order to survive. I raised my boys to be tough men and not petulant toddlers.

You know if I had a choice between you and OP -- who is no prize -- as a mom, you would be dead last. My goodness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s cathartic to me to read everyone against the OP. OP is just like my parents and I’ve always wondered why they don’t visit and what I did wrong.

Same! My mom complains that our guest room is "too bright". I think she's in denial that this is my home and my life now. As far as she is concerned, where she lives is "home" and I'm just on some temporary excursion. Never mind the fact that it's been 11 years and I'm married with two kids out here now. I visit as much as I want (one, maybe two tines a year) and have just stopped bothering or caring if we see them any more often than that. I just can't believe she has such little interest in knowing about her grandkids' lives.

[Anonymous]

You are in the wrong. Your turn to visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm on the receiving end of this. Very disappointed that my able bodied, retired mom won't visit. I understand about not wanting to drive but have offered to pay her airfare and host her. She's happy enough to have us visit but won't make the effort to come here. But "us" going there is a much bigger production due to multiple children, having to take and coordinate vacation and child care arrangements. It's frustrating, but she just won't budge. She would rather spend the holidays alone than travel. I think she is anxious about traveling alone, but still...

. I had to check the date on this post because I could have written it! The sad part is, her refusal to travel means she sees her grandkids less than she could if she was willing to visit us. She won’t budge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s cathartic to me to read everyone against the OP. OP is just like my parents and I’ve always wondered why they don’t visit and what I did wrong.

Same! My mom complains that our guest room is "too bright". I think she's in denial that this is my home and my life now. As far as she is concerned, where she lives is "home" and I'm just on some temporary excursion. Never mind the fact that it's been 11 years and I'm married with two kids out here now. I visit as much as I want (one, maybe two tines a year) and have just stopped bothering or caring if we see them any more often than that. I just can't believe she has such little interest in knowing about her grandkids' lives.

Put up black out curtains or shades when she visits - they even make a few dollar paper ones for temporary use. Take away her excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s cathartic to me to read everyone against the OP. OP is just like my parents and I’ve always wondered why they don’t visit and what I did wrong.

Same! My mom complains that our guest room is "too bright". I think she's in denial that this is my home and my life now. As far as she is concerned, where she lives is "home" and I'm just on some temporary excursion. Never mind the fact that it's been 11 years and I'm married with two kids out here now. I visit as much as I want (one, maybe two tines a year) and have just stopped bothering or caring if we see them any more often than that. I just can't believe she has such little interest in knowing about her grandkids' lives.

Put up black out curtains or shades when she visits - they even make a few dollar paper ones for temporary use. Take away her excuse.

Hell yeah. I’d black out the entire window for her. Because we all know it’s just an empty excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s cathartic to me to read everyone against the OP. OP is just like my parents and I’ve always wondered why they don’t visit and what I did wrong.

Same! My mom complains that our guest room is "too bright". I think she's in denial that this is my home and my life now. As far as she is concerned, where she lives is "home" and I'm just on some temporary excursion. Never mind the fact that it's been 11 years and I'm married with two kids out here now. I visit as much as I want (one, maybe two tines a year) and have just stopped bothering or caring if we see them any more often than that. I just can't believe she has such little interest in knowing about her grandkids' lives.

Put up black out curtains or shades when she visits - they even make a few dollar paper ones for temporary use. Take away her excuse.

I agree with taking away her excuse. But also...it IS difficult for some people (light sleepers) to sleep in rooms that are super bright/inadequate window coverings. I found out real quick that I needed to bring dark towels/sheets and duct tape with me to beach house rentails, which always have the flimsiest blinds/curtains (if any). So if you are getting that feedback from one outspoken guest, more polite guests may well be suffering in silence.

(It's easy enough to bring one of those eye mask thingys, though; no reason to be rude and complain.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Him and DIL didn’t buy a house. HE and DIL bought a house.
Please go visit him.

"Anyways," I agree. You need to go visit him.

The grammar in this post is like nails on a blackboard.

[Anonymous]

They are making it clear that they won't continue to travel to you every single time. You either make an effort to go visit them or you may not see them.

[Anonymous]

OMG!
We bought a new house 18 months ago .last my parents did not come to visit for a little over a year. Lefechapiens, my parents are also watching over my elderly grandmother, plus work, etc., crap happens. And yes, we have gone to see them. Why do people get so dug in and offended over the things that happen in life. Just be kind to each other .

[Anonymous]

I married my DH in 2010 and we lived in a 2-bedroom condo that he owned. Then in 2012 we bought a 3-bedroom rowhouse. In 2016 we had our daughter. We'll have our second child in 6 weeks. My in-laws have NEVER visited us. They have even driven from Florida to Canada in that time to visit family and not stopped in to see us. They are both retired and have plenty of money. I've no idea what the issue is. Initially, I was very offended by this (and it still hurts my feelings honestly) but I've decided I just feel no obligation to see them. That isn't to say we never visit - we do, but we go when I feel like it/when it fits in our budget and schedules. They won't know their grandkids like my family does, but that's on them.

[Anonymous]

My parents haven't visited since my second child was born because they claim our guest bed is not comfortable - but I've offered them our bedroom and they still haven't visited. So yeah, some parents are just selfish like that, and won't get to know their grandkids.