Son doesn't want to come home for Easter because we won't visit him in his new house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married my DH in 2010 and we lived in a 2-bedroom condo that he owned. Then in 2012 we bought a 3-bedroom rowhouse. In 2016 we had our daughter. We'll have our second child in 6 weeks. My in-laws have NEVER visited us. They have even driven from Florida to Canada in that time to visit family and not stopped in to see us. They are both retired and have plenty of money. I've no idea what the issue is. Initially, I was very offended by this (and it still hurts my feelings honestly) but I've decided I just feel no obligation to see them. That isn't to say we never visit - we do, but we go when I feel like it/when it fits in our budget and schedules. They won't know their grandkids like my family does, but that's on them.

My father in law travels with his girlfriend but never visited us once. We did a few times but it was $$$ as we were not invited to stay with him (nor would I) so never again. He's never met our kids.

[Anonymous]

Think long-term, OP.

How many younger people will come to help you when you’re in your mother’s shoes?

Better put something in the bank while you can...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s cathartic to me to read everyone against the OP. OP is just like my parents and I’ve always wondered why they don’t visit and what I did wrong.

Same! My mom complains that our guest room is "too bright". I think she's in denial that this is my home and my life now. As far as she is concerned, where she lives is "home" and I'm just on some temporary excursion. Never mind the fact that it's been 11 years and I'm married with two kids out here now. I visit as much as I want (one, maybe two tines a year) and have just stopped bothering or caring if we see them any more often than that. I just can't believe she has such little interest in knowing about her grandkids' lives.

Put up black out curtains or shades when she visits - they even make a few dollar paper ones for temporary use. Take away her excuse.

I agree with taking away her excuse. But also...it IS difficult for some people (light sleepers) to sleep in rooms that are super bright/inadequate window coverings. I found out real quick that I needed to bring dark towels/sheets and duct tape with me to beach house rentails, which always have the flimsiest blinds/curtains (if any). So if you are getting that feedback from one outspoken guest, more polite guests may well be suffering in silence.

(It's easy enough to bring one of those eye mask thingys, though; no reason to be rude and complain.)

I cannot sleep in bright rooms in less I am exhausted and then hate it but I'd never say anything. These are $5-6 in store. Simple

https://www.homedepot.com/p/Redi-Shade-Black-Out-Paper-Window-Shade-36-in-W-x-72-in-L-4-Pack-1602212/202617393

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG!
We bought a new house 18 months ago .last my parents did not come to visit for a little over a year. Lefechapiens, my parents are also watching over my elderly grandmother, plus work, etc., crap happens. And yes, we have gone to see them. Why do people get so dug in and offended over the things that happen in life. Just be kind to each other .

That's a bit different. My mom has never been kind to me or my husband.

[Anonymous]

Holy hell, OP. Your grammar is simply atrocious. Please proof before you post again. Then go visit your son.

[Anonymous]

Been married to my dh for 21 years and we moved away from MIL around the 10 year mark. She visited once in city #1 for a couple of days (we were there 5 years). We’ve been in city #2 for 6 years and she finally visited last year for 36 hours after my kids begged her bc they wanted to show her where they live. Needless to say, we visit several times a year and it costs us $$ because we stay in a hotel instead of her house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Him and DIL didn’t buy a house. HE and DIL bought a house.
Please go visit him.

Yes. OP, if you unsure if it is "him" or "he" when listing more than one person, say the sentence with only "him" or "he" to figure out which is correct. Same trick works with "me" and "I".

Off-topic

I'm trying to teach this lesson to my 7 year old, but I can't think of an easy way to help her remember it (ie; "I" before "E" except after "C").

This post would confuse her even more, lol.

[Anonymous]

Just go visit he, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Must be a troll. That one that always fakes she is a MIL.

I thought the same thing!

Yes, whole thing reads like a troll post.

[Anonymous]

You’re the parent. You’re the one that needs to go to him, not the other way around. It’s not about you. As a mom, you should know this by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been married to my dh for 21 years and we moved away from MIL around the 10 year mark. She visited once in city #1 for a couple of days (we were there 5 years). We’ve been in city #2 for 6 years and she finally visited last year for 36 hours after my kids begged her bc they wanted to show her where they live. Needless to say, we visit several times a year and it costs us $$ because we stay in a hotel instead of her house.

No, it's' not "needless" to say; you do need to say it, and maybe explain it to those of us who aren't complete doormats.

My parents live 10 hours away by car/2 hr plane ride away. We visit them once, maybe twice a year. That's what we can afford, money and schedule-wise. They visit us maybe 2-3 times a year, as they are retired and have the money to pay for only 2 plane tickets vs. 4, etc.

If they didn't visit us at all, we would still only be able to afford visiting 1-2 times a year; again, our travel money and our time are finite.

So if you can afford to visit "several times a year," and want to do that, that's great. But you are making a CHOICE, so don't complain about it. You could choose to not visit as often, and if they complain, you can say, "You are always welcome to visit us."

[Anonymous]

PP here, one of those whose mother hasn't visited in 10 years. One time (maybe about 5 or 6 years ago) my mom even flew through the DMV (where we live) to visit my brother in FL. Back story: He was obnoxious enough to buy the ticket without giving her a choice. She couldn't refuse her baby boy, so she went but was stuck with him in his place and dependent on him for transportation for a week.

[Anonymous]

LOL at people recommending blackout shades to me. My whole point is she just makes flippant excuses. I put blackout shades on the last time she was visiting, as soon as she mentioned the light. That was four years ago and she still mentions it as why she doesn't want to come. It literally doesn't matter. I could build her a palace, if it wasn't in her backyard she'd never show up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG!
We bought a new house 18 months ago .last my parents did not come to visit for a little over a year. Lefechapiens, my parents are also watching over my elderly grandmother, plus work, etc., crap happens. And yes, we have gone to see them. Why do people get so dug in and offended over the things that happen in life. Just be kind to each other .

That's a bit different. My mom has never been kind to me or my husband.

How is it different than what OP Is posting about ?
This thread is about OP’s issue, not your mom being unkind . And if she is not nice, I guess you don’t want her visiting anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL at people recommending blackout shades to me. My whole point is she just makes flippant excuses. I put blackout shades on the last time she was visiting, as soon as she mentioned the light. That was four years ago and she still mentions it as why she doesn't want to come. It literally doesn't matter. I could build her a palace, if it wasn't in her backyard she'd never show up.

Then put that info in your post, dum-dum! You make it sound like there still aren’t any shades. Which are necessary, BTW.