Help me survive spring break with my overbearing in-laws!

[Anonymous]

It was decided this weekend that, for spring break, we will be joining my in-laws at a mountain chalet (cabin/lodge) resort for 5 nights. I only agreed to this because my husband grudgingly agreed to a vacation of my choosing last year, and he wants to appease his parents. Our kids love them too, so I am taking one for the team. But I’m seriously dreading it.

It’s a big place and we will have our own rooms and bathrooms, and sort of our own “wing”, but will be sharing common areas. Short of the usual advice such as to take lots of walks alone, make time to work out, find alone time, how do you deal with things like:

Mornings? I’m not a morning person. I’m not ready to socialize and be “on” right away. Is it wrong to send DH out to the common areas alone most mornings? And what about breakfast? I don’t eat it. I like coffee and maybe a hard boiled egg, but I’m not a big restaurant breakfast every morning person. Ok to stay home and send DH and the kids with his parents?

What about when I just need a break? Is it ok to just excuse myself and say I want to read? Go to the hot tub alone? Etc? I have a feeling my MIL will want to be my shadow, and I’m ok with that to an extent. How do I tactfully turn her away when I’ve had enough and need to recharge?

Also, what’s the best way to break it to the in-laws that we would like to have dinner/sightsee/do this alone as our nuclear family?

Any other tips for surviving shared quarters with in-laws is appreciated!

[Anonymous]

I have the same sorts of issues and I don't think you can get a break when you're with inlaws. I just suck it up and show up for every breakfast and no alone time. No way could we ever have nuclear family time on a family trip like that. I think that's why most people find them exhausting...

[Anonymous]

You’re getting over something and need to sleep in/lie down. No I, maybe. Your husband tells them. It’s very important for your to test.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. Mono, maybe. Lay the groundwork now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the same sorts of issues and I don't think you can get a break when you're with inlaws. I just suck it up and show up for every breakfast and no alone time. No way could we ever have nuclear family time on a family trip like that. I think that's why most people find them exhausting...

Omg seriously? I will go insane!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp here. Mono, maybe. Lay the groundwork now.

Right? I’m seriously going to have to start a 90-day program and get really into the gym ASAP! Sorry, can’t miss my workout! Think that’ll work?

[Anonymous]

I would be shameless in taking all the "me" time you can -- sleep in, go out, etc. As long as you join the group for dinner, this is the perfect time for you to do your stuff. Your in laws will probably enjoy getting the kids to themselves.

Getting all away as a nuclear family seems more difficult. If you really want to do something together but w/o in laws, I would tack it on to the beginning or end when they aren't there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the same sorts of issues and I don't think you can get a break when you're with inlaws. I just suck it up and show up for every breakfast and no alone time. No way could we ever have nuclear family time on a family trip like that. I think that's why most people find them exhausting...

Omg seriously? I will go insane!

I don't agree with that. Of course you can skip breakfast, go to a yoga class, go shopping, whatevs. Just take off.

[Anonymous]

If they're paying you have to do everything they want. And since it's DH's family you're on duty to do more and keep the kids happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they're paying you have to do everything they want. And since it's DH's family you're on duty to do more and keep the kids happy.

This wasn’t my concern; they are paying.

[Anonymous]

First, I'd work at keeping expectations reasonable about what you will get out of this vacation.

Your DH should back you up when you don't want to go out to breakfast and go solo with the kids. But do try to attend one day with the group, I'd aim for day 2. You should definitely just tell DH you will need a BREAK and prep him for this ahead of time, and then do it. Go to your room and take an extremely long shower, lie down and nap, read a book, listen to a podcast, whatever.

But you will not get an entire day alone. And it is not reasonable to ditch the grandparents to have an outing/dinner with only our nuclear family. If grandparents bow out of something, fine. But you can not reasonably expect this.

I also would not plan to ever get to use the hot tub alone.

Focus on the fact that they are wonderful grandparents. My inlaws drive me nuts too, but are also very good grandparents, and I survive by reading a good novel ALONE while they get some "no mom around" time with my kids. It's a win win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the same sorts of issues and I don't think you can get a break when you're with inlaws. I just suck it up and show up for every breakfast and no alone time. No way could we ever have nuclear family time on a family trip like that. I think that's why most people find them exhausting...

Omg seriously? I will go insane!

It's 5 days... I think you're being unreasonable. We all have to take one for the team and do things outside our comfort zones. DH gave you the trip you wanted.
Can't you just suck it up and tolerate being an active participant for your DH and kids, for 5 days? It's not that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the same sorts of issues and I don't think you can get a break when you're with inlaws. I just suck it up and show up for every breakfast and no alone time. No way could we ever have nuclear family time on a family trip like that. I think that's why most people find them exhausting...

Omg seriously? I will go insane!

It's 5 days... I think you're being unreasonable. We all have to take one for the team and do things outside our comfort zones. DH gave you the trip you wanted.
Can't you just suck it up and tolerate being an active participant for your DH and kids, for 5 days? It's not that big of a deal.

Got it. And when you put it that way, it does make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, I'd work at keeping expectations reasonable about what you will get out of this vacation.

Your DH should back you up when you don't want to go out to breakfast and go solo with the kids. But do try to attend one day with the group, I'd aim for day 2. You should definitely just tell DH you will need a BREAK and prep him for this ahead of time, and then do it. Go to your room and take an extremely long shower, lie down and nap, read a book, listen to a podcast, whatever.

But you will not get an entire day alone. And it is not reasonable to ditch the grandparents to have an outing/dinner with only our nuclear family. If grandparents bow out of something, fine. But you can not reasonably expect this.

I also would not plan to ever get to use the hot tub alone.

Focus on the fact that they are wonderful grandparents. My inlaws drive me nuts too, but are also very good grandparents, and I survive by reading a good novel ALONE while they get some "no mom around" time with my kids. It's a win win.

I know my MIL will expect/enjoy “alone time” without parents there, occasionally. I’m just hoping it’s more often than not!

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine not to join them for breakfast. Just say you’re not a morning person and need some time to get going. If your MIL can’t accept this, too bad for her. However, it’s not fair to make plans for the day and exclude them. Perhaps you could plan one outing that you know they wouldn’t join, such as a 5 mile bike ride.