6 dates in and we're still just talking. Huh??
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Anonymous
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OK DCUM, puzzle this one out, because I'm lost.
43 yo single mom of a 6 yo here. I did not date for the first 5 years of her life; I'm a physician at a busy practice and wanted to prioritize home/family/work before romance. This past year I realized I was really craving adult companionship and I'd like for DD to see a model for a successful relationship, so I tried online dating, and met a ton of great guys: kind, funny, successful, etc. A month ago I met someone who stood out. Air force pilot for 20 years, now in business development. He's 52 with 2 older kids, just dropped youngest off at college. Divorced in 2013; presumedly bc the military took its toll on the marriage(?). In shape, funny, smart as a whip, attractive. We met for drinks and he asked me out on a second date on the spot. I happily accepted. That was late August. Since then we've gone out 6 times, if you count the first meeting. A few coffee/lunch dates, once at the Kennedy Center, out to dinner in Gtown, dinner at my house (DD slept over with a friend). And the furthest we've gotten physically is a peck on the lips. Now this man is a total flirt over text. And in person he holds my hand, rubs my feet, and tells me how great I look. On date 2, right when we sat down at the bar, he asked to kiss me (kind of out of the blue) and I was so surprised I kind of gave him my cheek.  I felt badly and the next date apologized, explaining that I was nervous and that I liked him. He laughed and said not to worry about it. But since then I've initiated lip kissing, have been very touchy, and in general behaved very warmly, and each time we part ways he pecks me chastely as if we're related or something.
Last night he came over and we had a nice chat outside in my garden with wine, snacks, etc. He brought me flowers and rubbed my feet. DD was spending night with neighbors and I let him know that. And at 10p he says "OK, I'm gonna head out". I smiled and asked in a puzzled but calm way, "what are we doing?". He looked taken aback. I essentially said, "I really enjoy spending time with you, but it seems like you may be looking for just a friend. I'm interested in a romantic relationship, or at least moving in that direction." He said "I don't know what your expectations were tonight but I need more time to let my guard down". I was annoyed by this. It wasn't my expectation that we'd have sex. But make out maybe? Move beyond 1 millisecond close-mouthed lip kissing? I do not get the vibe that this guy is some player who is juggling multiple women. I mean I guess that could be true, but I don't get that vibe. So he left and we exchanged a few texts today; I explained that I liked him. Alot! But as a full time single mom it's not a small thing for me to fit dating into my life. That if we're not on the same page, that's ok, but I needed to know that it's both our intention to actually try this before I invest more time. He says he really wants to see me again but just needs more time (?!). Time for what?? To figure out if he wants to get to first base? Look I don't mean to be crass but this feels ridiculous. We're 6 dates in here. I'm a pretty traditional women and no one will ever accuse me of rushing into sex, but it is an eventual goal. I'm high drive and it feels like we're getting no where. Do your best DCUM...I'm in the dark with this one. |
Anonymous
| micro penis? gay? married? I feel like there is a pilot seducing women here. Like someone else has posted about this guy? |
Anonymous
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At his age it could be all kinds of things, the top being erectile dysfunction. Or maybe just low testosterone. Be prepared for either if you decide to move forward. As much as you apparently like him I think I would proceed with caution until you figure out what the issue is.
I guess it's also possible he's just being cautious emotionally but that seems somewhat unlikely to me, I mean it seems unlikely that situation exists without the other possibilities as well. |
Anonymous
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I don't think it will get easier since you clarified what was on your mind...he might even take a step back.
He seems indecisive and like he's just looking for a companionship. I had to double check both of your ages - he seems like an old 52 yr old. I wouldn't invest more than you already did. In the end, he knows where you stand and he has to come to you. |
Anonymous
| I think I would definitely do some investigating also to make sure he is who he says he is and his financial and life situations are what he says they are. |
Anonymous
| Dating someone else also and feels weird about hooking up with you while having sex with someone else. Asexual. Very high fear of rejection, and got freaked out when you didn't kiss him back the first time. Or maybe just slow to warm up. It is a confusing one, I would keep nudging him to be open about what's going on, because being closed off to discussion is probably a red flag regardless of what else is going on. |
Anonymous
Yes! |
Anonymous
| Maybe some kind of performance issue, or an STD he's working himself up to telling you about? Do you know if he's religious? If he doesn't believe in sex outside of a committed relationship or marriage, you'd think he should be comfortable saying so. |
Anonymous
OP, don't do this! This is an early phase of dating and there is already stuff needed to be discussed?! This should be the time of hot sex and fun; not therapy sessions. |
Anonymous
| OP, have you implied or stated overtly to him that sex= exclusivity for you? Because if you have, that could be part of it too. If he's not 100% sure about making you his girlfriend, he could be holding off so as not to give you an indication of a commitment he isn't ready to make. |
Anonymous
| I would move on. He is probably not high drive. |
Anonymous
| Must be very frustrating. I got nothing for you, but fwiw it’s really hot that you want have sex. |
Anonymous
| herpes |
Anonymous
| Enjoy it, but keep dating other guys until you two decide you want to be monogamous. Sounds like he is taking it slowly and may be doing the same. |
Anonymous
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It can't really be fear of rejection after six dates and her all but spelling out that she is DTF right now. Any reasonably perceptive man would understand that rejection isn't an issue.
My guess is he is agonizing over revealing something to you. He may have some kind of medical issue, maybe an STD or some kind of deformity. Or maybe he has some kind of fear of intimacy. If it's the latter, you might be able to help things along by gradually cuddling and working up to sex. |