6 dates in and we're still just talking. Huh??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do all realize this is entirely made up, right? The whole thread reads like bad Sex and the City fan fiction.

S/he also started the happy cat call thread. Maybe that was your Mr. Big in that pretty black SUV.

Yes OP is so extra!

[Anonymous]

OP back. We talked. I think we're done.

He called and chatted about his day for about 10 minutes, describes how busy he's going to be these next few weeks. I'm thinking "ok dude, just lower the boom so we can all move on." He doesn't. Keeps chatting about this or that, asking about DD's day, etc. Finally I say (almost out of sheer exasperation) "Did you just call to catch up? Or was there something specific you wanted to talk about?" He says, "like what?". Lol.

So I just took the bull by the horns: "We had a somewhat confusing interaction this weekend. Seems it's a little unclear about where we stand." He says, "sure ok, we can talk about that". And basically reiterated how important friendship is to him, how he needs to build that first, etc. I said I agree! Friendship gets totally overlooked as a priority in a relationship and if you get hot & heavy too fast, it's hard to solve problems later. I said I'm glad you feel that way. But, I said, I'm not a game player, never have been. And I am interested in a romantic partner at some point, and it's not clear to me that you are. You're really flirty with me over text and in person, but when it comes to physicality it seems you have two feet on the break. He says "what have I suggested I want via my texts?". I said, "that you want to be more than my friend." He had...no real response for that. I said "look, I like you. I think I've made that clear. Sounds like you have a busy couple of weeks. Think it over and maybe we'll connect in the future; best of luck."

So yeah, I think we're done here. In my experience, it's just not this complicated early on, and I don't need to talk someone into kissing me for Pete's sake. I'm not asking the guy for sex or a ring or to meet his mother....but if all he wants is a dinner companion...well, I'd like more. Like a kiss, some passion, recognition of mutual desire. I mean come on, we're 40-something and 50-something. We're not dead yet. I think that's reasonable.

tldr: Pretty sure he just wants a friend. That's OK. I need more. I texted gym guy. He's going to come inspect my plumbing this week.

[Anonymous]

OP, good for you for being nice, but firm and very clear with the military guy. You're a grown and accomplished woman - it sounds like the military guy is not certain what he wants. There are guys like that good guys who are responsible, but also overthink.


Maybe you and the military guy can keep in touch as friends and you can explore other relationships. Be careful and enjoy!

[Anonymous]

OP is a man and this whole story is with the genders reversed. Very obvious from his writing style.

[Anonymous]

The attitude and writing style of the original OP and the 19:21 OP is so different that it's either a troll from beginning to end or a hijack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The attitude and writing style of the original OP and the 19:21 OP is so different that it's either a troll from beginning to end or a hijack.

Disagree. Writing style is similar.

[Anonymous]

What’s up with all the troll suspicions on DCUM? Sure, there will always be make-believe posters but I suspect a lot of people on here don’t get out much, besides their bubble, so they call troll. I could tell stories here that would scream troll but they’re real. There’s a lot going on out there and people’s exterior image is rarely the whole story.

[Anonymous]

*slow clap*

[Anonymous]

He’s going to clean your pipes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The attitude and writing style of the original OP and the 19:21 OP is so different that it's either a troll from beginning to end or a hijack.

OP back; neither a man, nor a troll, nor a hijacker. What an odd set of assertions. Anyway we’ll see how gym guy does; still bummed that military guy couldn’t keep us moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The attitude and writing style of the original OP and the 19:21 OP is so different that it's either a troll from beginning to end or a hijack.

OP back; neither a man, nor a troll, nor a hijacker. What an odd set of assertions. Anyway we’ll see how gym guy does; still bummed that military guy couldn’t keep us moving forward.

so this is where you lost me. In your first post, you say you're pretty traditional and that you don't rush into having sex with someone. Now. you text the gym guy who just flirted with you and basically are DTF. Quite a contradiction - nothing wrong with that at all. But things just don't add up here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The attitude and writing style of the original OP and the 19:21 OP is so different that it's either a troll from beginning to end or a hijack.

OP back; neither a man, nor a troll, nor a hijacker. What an odd set of assertions. Anyway we’ll see how gym guy does; still bummed that military guy couldn’t keep us moving forward.

so this is where you lost me. In your first post, you say you're pretty traditional and that you don't rush into having sex with someone. Now. you text the gym guy who just flirted with you and basically are DTF. Quite a contradiction - nothing wrong with that at all. But things just don't add up here.

Gym guy isn’t relationship material. Told me as much last summer and from what I gather, hasn’t changed. He’s offering a physical relationship only; not one that could lead to a LTR. I miss physical interaction so I may take him up on it, but it’s not my first choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back. We talked. I think we're done.

He called and chatted about his day for about 10 minutes, describes how busy he's going to be these next few weeks. I'm thinking "ok dude, just lower the boom so we can all move on." He doesn't. Keeps chatting about this or that, asking about DD's day, etc. Finally I say (almost out of sheer exasperation) "Did you just call to catch up? Or was there something specific you wanted to talk about?" He says, "like what?". Lol.

So I just took the bull by the horns: "We had a somewhat confusing interaction this weekend. Seems it's a little unclear about where we stand." He says, "sure ok, we can talk about that". And basically reiterated how important friendship is to him, how he needs to build that first, etc. I said I agree! Friendship gets totally overlooked as a priority in a relationship and if you get hot & heavy too fast, it's hard to solve problems later. I said I'm glad you feel that way. But, I said, I'm not a game player, never have been. And I am interested in a romantic partner at some point, and it's not clear to me that you are. You're really flirty with me over text and in person, but when it comes to physicality it seems you have two feet on the break. He says "what have I suggested I want via my texts?". I said, "that you want to be more than my friend." He had...no real response for that. I said "look, I like you. I think I've made that clear. Sounds like you have a busy couple of weeks. Think it over and maybe we'll connect in the future; best of luck."

So yeah, I think we're done here. In my experience, it's just not this complicated early on, and I don't need to talk someone into kissing me for Pete's sake. I'm not asking the guy for sex or a ring or to meet his mother....but if all he wants is a dinner companion...well, I'd like more. Like a kiss, some passion, recognition of mutual desire. I mean come on, we're 40-something and 50-something. We're not dead yet. I think that's reasonable.

tldr: Pretty sure he just wants a friend. That's OK. I need more. I texted gym guy. He's going to come inspect my plumbing this week.

I am in love

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back. We talked. I think we're done.

He called and chatted about his day for about 10 minutes, describes how busy he's going to be these next few weeks. I'm thinking "ok dude, just lower the boom so we can all move on." He doesn't. Keeps chatting about this or that, asking about DD's day, etc. Finally I say (almost out of sheer exasperation) "Did you just call to catch up? Or was there something specific you wanted to talk about?" He says, "like what?". Lol.

So I just took the bull by the horns: "We had a somewhat confusing interaction this weekend. Seems it's a little unclear about where we stand." He says, "sure ok, we can talk about that". And basically reiterated how important friendship is to him, how he needs to build that first, etc. I said I agree! Friendship gets totally overlooked as a priority in a relationship and if you get hot & heavy too fast, it's hard to solve problems later. I said I'm glad you feel that way. But, I said, I'm not a game player, never have been. And I am interested in a romantic partner at some point, and it's not clear to me that you are. You're really flirty with me over text and in person, but when it comes to physicality it seems you have two feet on the break. He says "what have I suggested I want via my texts?". I said, "that you want to be more than my friend." He had...no real response for that. I said "look, I like you. I think I've made that clear. Sounds like you have a busy couple of weeks. Think it over and maybe we'll connect in the future; best of luck."

So yeah, I think we're done here. In my experience, it's just not this complicated early on, and I don't need to talk someone into kissing me for Pete's sake. I'm not asking the guy for sex or a ring or to meet his mother....but if all he wants is a dinner companion...well, I'd like more. Like a kiss, some passion, recognition of mutual desire. I mean come on, we're 40-something and 50-something. We're not dead yet. I think that's reasonable.

tldr: Pretty sure he just wants a friend. That's OK. I need more. I texted gym guy. He's going to come inspect my plumbing this week.

Sorry, OP. Sounds like you got friendzoned.

To be honest, men deal with women like this all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back. We talked. I think we're done.

He called and chatted about his day for about 10 minutes, describes how busy he's going to be these next few weeks. I'm thinking "ok dude, just lower the boom so we can all move on." He doesn't. Keeps chatting about this or that, asking about DD's day, etc. Finally I say (almost out of sheer exasperation) "Did you just call to catch up? Or was there something specific you wanted to talk about?" He says, "like what?". Lol.

So I just took the bull by the horns: "We had a somewhat confusing interaction this weekend. Seems it's a little unclear about where we stand." He says, "sure ok, we can talk about that". And basically reiterated how important friendship is to him, how he needs to build that first, etc. I said I agree! Friendship gets totally overlooked as a priority in a relationship and if you get hot & heavy too fast, it's hard to solve problems later. I said I'm glad you feel that way. But, I said, I'm not a game player, never have been. And I am interested in a romantic partner at some point, and it's not clear to me that you are. You're really flirty with me over text and in person, but when it comes to physicality it seems you have two feet on the break. He says "what have I suggested I want via my texts?". I said, "that you want to be more than my friend." He had...no real response for that. I said "look, I like you. I think I've made that clear. Sounds like you have a busy couple of weeks. Think it over and maybe we'll connect in the future; best of luck."

So yeah, I think we're done here. In my experience, it's just not this complicated early on, and I don't need to talk someone into kissing me for Pete's sake. I'm not asking the guy for sex or a ring or to meet his mother....but if all he wants is a dinner companion...well, I'd like more. Like a kiss, some passion, recognition of mutual desire. I mean come on, we're 40-something and 50-something. We're not dead yet. I think that's reasonable.

tldr: Pretty sure he just wants a friend. That's OK. I need more. I texted gym guy. He's going to come inspect my plumbing this week.

So, in a totally different phase of my life (both early 20s; in school together; never been married), I had a very similar convo w/ now-DH after a similar number of dates w/ mixed signals. Eventually I started dating someone else. He got jealous, made his move and 15 years later we're married with 3 kids. In his case, it was weird quasi-religious guilt. Even now he can't exactly explain it, but he has surprisingly religiously-influenced views on things from his upbringing even though he's not explicitly religious now at all. Not saying it's exactly the same with your guy, but there could be some kind of background issue at play.