Sleeping with a relative..

[Anonymous]

You share about 50% of your DNA with a parent or full sibling.

You share 12.5% wit a first cousin.

You share 3% with a second cousin.

You share less than 1% with a third cousin.

[Anonymous]

My great grandparents were first cousins, born circa 1880s in central (then rural) Pennsylvania.

This may have been common (as I understand through some cursory genealogical research) but for my great grandparents, I believe it was scandalous and maybe doomed them from the start - they relocated, had 3 children but then lived separately before middle age. Only discovered this fact recently- about 50 years after my GG died and it seems this was carefully hidden.

Back to OP:
Not at all the same thing. You might not have even discovered this family connection if you’d met otherwise!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You share about 50% of your DNA with a parent or full sibling.

You share 12.5% wit a first cousin.

You share 3% with a second cousin.

You share less than 1% with a third cousin.

Well I mean, Woody Allen doesn’t share any DNA with his wife…

[Anonymous]

I know most of my first cousins, some second cousins, and none of third cousins.

Go for it. It's far enough to be practically strangers.

[Anonymous]

Go for it. That's more than distant enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a ton of my 2nd and 3rd cousins. GAG.

Guarantee that in your ancestry there are several cousin marriages, probably first cousins. Most people throughout history grew up in a small local area where everyone was related after intermarriages for centuries.

[Anonymous]

I had a crush on a cousin. But it was never sexual, zero fantasizing, mostly “I wish we weren’t related because you’re exactly the type of man I want to be with”.

Actually sleeping with a family member? Ewwww. Genetics and menopause aside, the mere thought grosses me out so bad.

[Anonymous]

You should broaden your social circle. Perhaps move to a county where you didn't grow up.

[Anonymous]

NP. Also OP is focused just on "can I sleep with my third cousin" as if the only issues are "is it just gross/too close a relationship." If we accept that there's not a genetic issue -- OP, do you and this cousin both see the same family members? Do you see each other at family gatherings? Do you have other relatives who are close and who would freak about this? Do you just want sex, or do you feel anything that could develop into a relationship beyond a one night stand? And as someone pointed out in an earlier post--does the third cousin reciprocate sexual interest in you? Sorry, but thinking you feel a flirty or sexy connection could be something you feel but which isn't necessarily there from the other person's point of view. So...do you have actual reason to believe this third cousin would like to have sex with you?

In other words: There's a lot more to unpack than just "is it genetically OK and not icky to have sex with my third cousin." Imagine OP making a move on the cousin, they have sex once and never again, but have to keep running into each other with grandma there at family events. Could be fine, could be so awkward it ends up sending up red flags to everyone else. Or someone in the family finds out and tells everyone and both OP and cousin have to lie and deny or go bold and say yeah, we had sex (cue grandpa having that heart attack....). Or OP makes the move and discovers the cousin is freaked out and actually had zero sexual interest--that'll be fun if they keep running into each other at family events....

So it's genetically fine and societally fine (to many) to do this, but depending on your family and whether they tend to get together throughout the year, well, it could end up pretty weird. Weird if you have just a one-time screw, weird if you develop feelings and become a couple. It's doable, but you have to think through the bigger issues IF you were to get found out/get into a relationship.

It all depends on whether you see/interact with other family members who might care, and if you yourself care about their reactions if they knew.

[Anonymous]

No. There are a lot of people in the world. I wouldn’t sleep with anyone I knew I was related to in any traceable way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - 3rd cousin

I couldn't even tell you who my third cousin was

After reading this I messaged my uncle who does the family tree/ancestry stuff and asked him if I had 3rd cousins. Apparently I have 4. Never heard of them in my entire life. Nor their parents. He thinks I may have met them at a funeral in 1987, if not them than I at least met their grandparent at that funeral in 1987. When I was 4.

Point being…… these people are strangers to me. Go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Also OP is focused just on "can I sleep with my third cousin" as if the only issues are "is it just gross/too close a relationship." If we accept that there's not a genetic issue -- OP, do you and this cousin both see the same family members? Do you see each other at family gatherings? Do you have other relatives who are close and who would freak about this? Do you just want sex, or do you feel anything that could develop into a relationship beyond a one night stand? And as someone pointed out in an earlier post--does the third cousin reciprocate sexual interest in you? Sorry, but thinking you feel a flirty or sexy connection could be something you feel but which isn't necessarily there from the other person's point of view. So...do you have actual reason to believe this third cousin would like to have sex with you?

In other words: There's a lot more to unpack than just "is it genetically OK and not icky to have sex with my third cousin." Imagine OP making a move on the cousin, they have sex once and never again, but have to keep running into each other with grandma there at family events. Could be fine, could be so awkward it ends up sending up red flags to everyone else. Or someone in the family finds out and tells everyone and both OP and cousin have to lie and deny or go bold and say yeah, we had sex (cue grandpa having that heart attack....). Or OP makes the move and discovers the cousin is freaked out and actually had zero sexual interest--that'll be fun if they keep running into each other at family events....

So it's genetically fine and societally fine (to many) to do this, but depending on your family and whether they tend to get together throughout the year, well, it could end up pretty weird. Weird if you have just a one-time screw, weird if you develop feelings and become a couple. It's doable, but you have to think through the bigger issues IF you were to get found out/get into a relationship.

It all depends on whether you see/interact with other family members who might care, and if you yourself care about their reactions if they knew.

+1 it's not a genetic issue, it's a social issue. are you likely to get invited to the same family events? if so i would probably proceed with extreme caution. if not, then seems ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How distant? In most states, it is legal to marry a second cousin, in Virginia, you can marry a first cousin. No law against an intimate relationship in either case.

see, this is why people make jokes about VA.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All good, OP.

But if you end up getting married, don't refer to him as you "cuzband", even in jest.

Hilarious! I worked with a lady once who refered to her xDH as her "WASband"

[Anonymous]

Was looking at a TikTok just today showing how far back an ancestor was if you shared 3% DNA - in short, over 150 years ago. I did a quick Google search and found the table below (which is consistent with the other charts I found). With a 3rd cousin, you share a set of great-great grandparents who lived about 125 years ago. I'd have no problem dating/sleeping with/procreating with someone with whom I shared a relative from so long ago.