How to deal with 16 DD who reads fanfiction porn

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen dozens of tiktok videos from liberal/leftist Gen Z creators who said that their parents’ giving them unfettered access to the internet at a young age really messed them up and they will not make the same mistake, and those videos have thousands of likes, shares, etc. I wonder if this is the kind of stuff they are talking about?

Anyway, I’ll just reiterate that I think erotica is all good but the kind of stuff OP’s daughter is reading isn’t appropriate for minors.

Again OP this site will make you think everything and anything goes and it’s all normal and healthy. It is not and your doctor is the best person to seek advices from, teens need boundaries and guidance even when they think they don’t. Please don’t take advice on this subject from this board. At the bare minimum google some reputable medical sources.

I hope you don't actually have children. Telling HER DOCTOR about her porn preferences would be the ultimate humiliation and betrayal of trust and privacy.
You're the type of parent that make kids move 1000 miles away to get as far away from you as possible

you are not too bright are you. Or I guess your doctor stinks because our doctor absolutely has these discussions and we have very open conversations with our teens. But let me guess you’re the parent who tells/thinks all the other parents are way too strict and you’re the parent who’s got it all figured out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the responses that just say “ignore it and don’t talk to your daughter” are somewhat informed by American puritanical prudishness. A parent can have a healthy, sex-positive conversation with their child about what kind of sexual stuff they are reading without it being weird.

There's nothing healthy about barging your way into your child's sexual fantasies.[u]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen dozens of tiktok videos from liberal/leftist Gen Z creators who said that their parents’ giving them unfettered access to the internet at a young age really messed them up and they will not make the same mistake, and those videos have thousands of likes, shares, etc. I wonder if this is the kind of stuff they are talking about?

Anyway, I’ll just reiterate that I think erotica is all good but the kind of stuff OP’s daughter is reading isn’t appropriate for minors.

Again OP this site will make you think everything and anything goes and it’s all normal and healthy. It is not and your doctor is the best person to seek advices from, teens need boundaries and guidance even when they think they don’t. Please don’t take advice on this subject from this board. At the bare minimum google some reputable medical sources.

I hope you don't actually have children. Telling HER DOCTOR about her porn preferences would be the ultimate humiliation and betrayal of trust and privacy.
You're the type of parent that make kids move 1000 miles away to get as far away from you as possible

you are not too bright are you. Or I guess your doctor stinks because our doctor absolutely has these discussions and we have very open conversations with our teens. But let me guess you’re the parent who tells/thinks all the other parents are way too strict and you’re the parent who’s got it all figured out?

Loosen up a little, honey. Maybe go upstairs and lock the door and read some of your teens erotica.

[Anonymous]

What OP is posting about (mostly the part about kids) is very disturbing to me. But I read the entire Flowers in the Attic series when I was a teen, which is the same thing. Rape, incest, molestation, you name it. Completely horrifying things parents did to kids.

I am no worse for wear, and left all that stuff behind in my very young teen years...

I agree OP could talk to a sex therapist for advice, but this alone doesn't mean her daughter is engaging in anything permanently harmful.

[Anonymous]

Normal. Make sure she’s on b c.

[Anonymous]

Is the problem the porn - or that it is bad and violent?
Lots of 16yr olds are having sex. If you want her to have respectful, fulfilling relationships,
Maybe help her find some good, feminist or female centered erotica? If she is going to fantasize about sex and sexual relationships - give her a different version that supports how you want her to be treated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women reading m/m smut is one of those things that's astonishingly common and almost never discussed. I used to know a lesbian who exclusively wrote X-Men m/m porn. She was still a lesbian, an old-school Park Slope lesbian. But it's a thing. I see the appeal myself, I just wish more of it was good.

I'm pretty sure my 14 yo writes smut on AO3. I never ever want to read it. Boundaries, people.

Almost never discussed because it can be shamed like this. I’ve had conversations with my kid about fanfic - about authors taking an existing universe they love and reimagining some parts of it. Yes, sex can be part of it, even extreme situations like you describe.

Fun fact: NK Jemisin said in a NYT piece that she has a secret account under which she posts fanfic .

Yeah ) a lot of authors do. A lot more got their start in fanfiction... Which is both an awesome and a terrible thing.

I write fanfiction for fun, but I don't write smut. I do like it when it's well-done, but so much is bad. I've talked to my kid about fanfiction, too, and about the internet. She sends me pieces she wants me to read (not smut, obviously), and the ones she doesn't want me to see? Are none of my business.

She is a damn good writer, though. I can't take credit for that. AO3 and her English teachers probably should.

One thing about AO3 that someone unfamiliar wouldn't know: authors tag their work with trigger warnings and search terms, so the risk of your teen accidentally reading they doesn't want to read is pretty low. I'm not a fan of this because I think reading "major character death" as a tag is a massive plot spoiler, but it's how the kids do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again- thanks for the many helpful comments. I too read Flowers in the Attic (every book!) but Incan guarantee that the fanfic does not compare. If it were like that I would ignore it. DD does well (like a 3.4 or something) but she spends more time reading the fanfic than she does at schoolwork. So i do worry it is a bit of an addiction. I realize the male on male comment sounds homophobic- I am lgbt supportive- but the stories feel particularly violent. And I guess I am concerned that it doesn't include her- a female perspective. I have considered telling her she can read any book she wants but that the invetted stuff online is not ok.

The Harry Potter Fan Fiction can get pretty darn graphic and there is a decently large percentage that writes about Harry losing the war and there is a lot of violent rape in those stories. Some of the stories are consensual relationships between Harry and Voldemort/Snape/ Malfoy, there are a good number of stories where the relationships are violent and non-consensual. They can be quite graphic and unsettling. There is a good amount of vanilla but I would say that there is a surprising high level of incest (Wesley's are popular with this) and non-consensual relationship (mainly Harry loses but sometimes Harry wins). And there is the whole mess of marriage laws requiring polygamy that the Ministry sets up but is borderline consensual (make babies with 5 men or go to Azkaban).

Yes, I read Harry Potter fan fiction, it is all sorts of crazy what people put out there. The ratio of vanilla/consensual to non-consensual is pretty close.

No idea on how to handle it with a teen but just confirming that there is a lot of disturbing material on the Harry Potter sites. I imagine other fandoms are similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen dozens of tiktok videos from liberal/leftist Gen Z creators who said that their parents’ giving them unfettered access to the internet at a young age really messed them up and they will not make the same mistake, and those videos have thousands of likes, shares, etc. I wonder if this is the kind of stuff they are talking about?

Anyway, I’ll just reiterate that I think erotica is all good but the kind of stuff OP’s daughter is reading isn’t appropriate for minors.

Again OP this site will make you think everything and anything goes and it’s all normal and healthy. It is not and your doctor is the best person to seek advices from, teens need boundaries and guidance even when they think they don’t. Please don’t take advice on this subject from this board. At the bare minimum google some reputable medical sources.

I hope you don't actually have children. Telling HER DOCTOR about her porn preferences would be the ultimate humiliation and betrayal of trust and privacy.
You're the type of parent that make kids move 1000 miles away to get as far away from you as possible

you are not too bright are you. Or I guess your doctor stinks because our doctor absolutely has these discussions and we have very open conversations with our teens. But let me guess you’re the parent who tells/thinks all the other parents are way too strict and you’re the parent who’s got it all figured out?

Loosen up a little, honey. Maybe go upstairs and lock the door and read some of your teens erotica.

Eh sounds like you’re the one relying on books dear.

[Anonymous]

Most fan fiction is read and written by straight women.

I used to love it as a young adult, it was just well written. Erotica to me, with a strong emphasis on relationships as well as sex. I almost exclusively read m/m stuff, liked D/s stuff, mostly because of the emotional relationships.

I’m a boring straight woman with a completely vanilla sex life (happily married) IRL.

I actually think romance novels f@ck up how young girls view relationships much more than fan fiction might.

[Anonymous]

Buy her a vibrator.

[Anonymous]

See if she wants to read Twilight or Harry Potter books instead

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy her a vibrator.

she needs a stud in her life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have discovered for the third time that my DD (who is 16) is reading fan-fiction porn. There are sites like Archieve of our Own where people post the fan fiction that they write, and some of it is just ordinary bad (bad writing), but the rest of it is porn - and not romantic porn, but hard core disturbing porn (stories or gang rape, male on male rape/sex, kids watching, etc). When we discovered it before, we have told her that her curiousity is normal, totally age appropriate but that we don't feel like this is the kind of material she should be reading. We asked her to stop, she agreed, and we casually monitored her internet use - meaning I didn't check what she was doing every day, but would occassionally look. After the second time we discovered it, we put a tracking software on, and that helped, but it isn't 100% teenproof and this is the third time we have discovered her accessing it again. I think she feels guilty about it. She has some issues of picking at her skin...and I think it is related to the guilt, tension she feels about reading this stuff. I think it is time for us to block her access to the site....but it is hard to completely block a site ...and then of course she can probably find this stuff somewhere else....and I don't want her to turn to videos. We have a fairly open relationship, but this is hard. We have really tried to avoid shaming her, but the content is so disturbing to me, that is is hard avoid some shame. Any advice? Please -helpful and thoughtful posts only.

Why do you feel the need to "deal with" this? Serious question.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am not trying to spook you, but is she being groomed by someone?