How to deal with 16 DD who reads fanfiction porn

[Anonymous]

I mean, everyone in my generation read Flowers in the Attic (INCEST) and Clan of the Cave Bear (RAPE) and we all turned out more or less okay.

If she's reading fanfic porn, she's probably not doing sex. I'd consider it a good trade-off.

[Anonymous]

Rape fantasies are incredibly common among women, so it stands to reason that it is heavily represented in erotica aimed at women. Fantasizing about it is a way of taking control of something that is scary. It makes total psychological sense.

[Anonymous]

You wouldn't believe the crap I read as a teenager (and still read now). I'm a totally normal, nice person who votes, volunteers, and has a normal sex life with a normal person.

Just encourage her to read "regular" stuff too - do you go to the library? Have books and magazines around the house? Does she see you reading?

Let it go. Ignore it.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for OP. She came here for some advice and help - and only a couple of people even tried being helpful. Op, I would just ask your DD in a totally non-confrontational way about what she is reading and why. I would be concerned about this coupled with the skin picking - please call the pediatrician and have a private talk with the doctor about how to handle this and if there are any red flags that she may have been abused. Perhaps the pediatrician can give some advice on who she can talk to...
Hoping that it's just curiosity and boredom - and that it passes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, everyone in my generation read Flowers in the Attic (INCEST) and Clan of the Cave Bear (RAPE) and we all turned out more or less okay.

If she's reading fanfic porn, she's probably not doing sex. I'd consider it a good trade-off.

Those two book series are exactly what I thought of when I read this too. And I was a lot younger than 16!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, everyone in my generation read Flowers in the Attic (INCEST) and Clan of the Cave Bear (RAPE) and we all turned out more or less okay.

If she's reading fanfic porn, she's probably not doing sex. I'd consider it a good trade-off.

Those two book series are exactly what I thought of when I read this too. And I was a lot younger than 16!

To be fair, I read those books too and while the subject matter involved rape and incest- neither were primarily or graphically centered entirely on the ACT of incest or rape.

It is like equating any romance movie that shows some kissing and then a morning after scene in bed to hardcore porn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, everyone in my generation read Flowers in the Attic (INCEST) and Clan of the Cave Bear (RAPE) and we all turned out more or less okay.

If she's reading fanfic porn, she's probably not doing sex. I'd consider it a good trade-off.

Those two book series are exactly what I thought of when I read this too. And I was a lot younger than 16!

If OP's daughter can find the rape porn, she's actually on sites that ALSO have a lot of good, consensual erotica. When she's ready, she can move onto those. It's a hell of a lot better than my experience, which was basically the books above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, everyone in my generation read Flowers in the Attic (INCEST) and Clan of the Cave Bear (RAPE) and we all turned out more or less okay.

If she's reading fanfic porn, she's probably not doing sex. I'd consider it a good trade-off.

Those two book series are exactly what I thought of when I read this too. And I was a lot younger than 16!

To be fair, I read those books too and while the subject matter involved rape and incest- neither were primarily or graphically centered entirely on the ACT of incest or rape.

It is like equating any romance movie that shows some kissing and then a morning after scene in bed to hardcore porn.

The rape scenes were pages long in Clan of the Cave Bear. The fact that Ayla(?) also invented the slingshot in between rapes doesn't mitigate that fact. The point is that I know the kinds of sites OP's kid is on (although they are not my scene) and there is also narrative. OP is picking a losing battle here by making this the hill she's willing to die on two years before her child leaves the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, everyone in my generation read Flowers in the Attic (INCEST) and Clan of the Cave Bear (RAPE) and we all turned out more or less okay.

If she's reading fanfic porn, she's probably not doing sex. I'd consider it a good trade-off.

Those two book series are exactly what I thought of when I read this too. And I was a lot younger than 16!

But in those books the incest and rape aren’t there to turn you on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, everyone in my generation read Flowers in the Attic (INCEST) and Clan of the Cave Bear (RAPE) and we all turned out more or less okay.

If she's reading fanfic porn, she's probably not doing sex. I'd consider it a good trade-off.

Those two book series are exactly what I thought of when I read this too. And I was a lot younger than 16!

If OP's daughter can find the rape porn, she's actually on sites that ALSO have a lot of good, consensual erotica. When she's ready, she can move onto those. It's a hell of a lot better than my experience, which was basically the books above.

I think the best thing about good erotica is the emphasis on consent and female pleasure. Even with rape fantasy there is consent beforehand and a safe word. I think it’s actually good for people to read those stories (although I wouldn’t exactly encourage it with my minor daughter). So I agree that this isn’t the kind of thing you want a minor jumping into. Especially the children watching part. But of course kids are going to get curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, everyone in my generation read Flowers in the Attic (INCEST) and Clan of the Cave Bear (RAPE) and we all turned out more or less okay.

If she's reading fanfic porn, she's probably not doing sex. I'd consider it a good trade-off.

Those two book series are exactly what I thought of when I read this too. And I was a lot younger than 16!

But in those books the incest and rape aren’t there to turn you on.

That is also true in most fanfic? I've also read some published romance where rape that the protagonist ends up liking is a feature of the romantic arc. As a PP mentioned, rape fantasies are pretty common, and reading about them is a pretty benign way of managing your sexual tastes without creating any real world danger.

[Anonymous]

DCUM is like a box of chocolates. Weren't people on here the other day discussing how 15 year olds should not be allowed at a boyfriends house? Now, no porn shaming. Not sure what to expect here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have discovered for the third time that my DD (who is 16) is reading fan-fiction porn. There are sites like Archieve of our Own where people post the fan fiction that they write, and some of it is just ordinary bad (bad writing), but the rest of it is porn - and not romantic porn, but hard core disturbing porn (stories or gang rape, male on male rape/sex, kids watching, etc). When we discovered it before, we have told her that her curiousity is normal, totally age appropriate but that we don't feel like this is the kind of material she should be reading. We asked her to stop, she agreed, and we casually monitored her internet use - meaning I didn't check what she was doing every day, but would occassionally look. After the second time we discovered it, we put a tracking software on, and that helped, but it isn't 100% teenproof and this is the third time we have discovered her accessing it again. I think she feels guilty about it. She has some issues of picking at her skin...and I think it is related to the guilt, tension she feels about reading this stuff. I think it is time for us to block her access to the site....but it is hard to completely block a site ...and then of course she can probably find this stuff somewhere else....and I don't want her to turn to videos. We have a fairly open relationship, but this is hard. We have really tried to avoid shaming her, but the content is so disturbing to me, that is is hard avoid some shame. Any advice? Please -helpful and thoughtful posts only.

The picking at the skin definitely sounds like some serious anxiety and yes, you should get her help for that. The two things might be related and they might not.

on the fanfiction, like others, I remember reading some out their stuff when I was a teen - I remember one bizarre story of priests, teen girls, suicide, sex,. I think there are 2 issues - it's bizarrely fascinating because you could never in your own mind conjure up such bizarre and creepy ideas and it's like watching a horror movie and knowing the people are going to open the door and go in the dark room where they heard a noise but you just can't look away because you know you would never do it and it's a vicarious experience and the second issue is at 16 your DD might not have enough real world experience with sex and dating to attach any emotional feelings to what she is reading. It's all abstract and emotionally detached in a way things are when we have never experienced them ourselves.

I think your mistake was monitoring it. She still wants to read it but now has to worry about being caught but can't give up the impulse to do it and is now even more freaked out because you know which is probably leading to even more anxiety. I think the monitoring sends a message that there is something wrong with her and what she is doing and I am not sure it's all that out there.

[Anonymous]

Give her access to erotica that you approve of. She might not be able to find it for free. And block the bad site.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, everyone in my generation read Flowers in the Attic (INCEST) and Clan of the Cave Bear (RAPE) and we all turned out more or less okay.

If she's reading fanfic porn, she's probably not doing sex. I'd consider it a good trade-off.

Those two book series are exactly what I thought of when I read this too. And I was a lot younger than 16!

But in those books the incest and rape aren’t there to turn you on.

That is also true in most fanfic? I've also read some published romance where rape that the protagonist ends up liking is a feature of the romantic arc. As a PP mentioned, rape fantasies are pretty common, and reading about them is a pretty benign way of managing your sexual tastes without creating any real world danger.

I’m just saying it isn’t accurate to say that because flowers in the attic is okay for a 16yo, rape erotica is okay for a 16yo.

I disagree that a 16yo reading any rape fantasy is per se benign. I don’t think the fantasy is weird at all, but it’s the way the story is told when it comes to erotica that could be slightly harmful. A good rape fantasy story will include prior consent and a safe word. It’s important for girls to know that consent is valuable. The story you read is fine but not appropriate for somebody lacking experience who doesn’t necessarily understand the distinction between fantasy and reality.

I’m not saying that OP should do anything, just that this stuff isn’t something you want your minor child reading.