How to deal with 16 DD who reads fanfiction porn

[Anonymous]

OP, let this go. You are making this a bigger issue than it is and you shaming her about it is probably doing more damage than reading some porn. You are talking about a 16 year old, not a 10 year old. But as a parent of a child who has a problem with skin picking, you should get her therapy for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have discovered for the third time that my DD (who is 16) is reading fan-fiction porn. There are sites like Archieve of our Own where people post the fan fiction that they write, and some of it is just ordinary bad (bad writing), but the rest of it is porn - and not romantic porn, but hard core disturbing porn (stories or gang rape, male on male rape/sex, kids watching, etc). When we discovered it before, we have told her that her curiousity is normal, totally age appropriate but that we don't feel like this is the kind of material she should be reading. We asked her to stop, she agreed, and we casually monitored her internet use - meaning I didn't check what she was doing every day, but would occassionally look. After the second time we discovered it, we put a tracking software on, and that helped, but it isn't 100% teenproof and this is the third time we have discovered her accessing it again. I think she feels guilty about it. She has some issues of picking at her skin...and I think it is related to the guilt, tension she feels about reading this stuff. I think it is time for us to block her access to the site....but it is hard to completely block a site ...and then of course she can probably find this stuff somewhere else....and I don't want her to turn to videos. We have a fairly open relationship, but this is hard. We have really tried to avoid shaming her, but the content is so disturbing to me, that is is hard avoid some shame. Any advice? Please -helpful and thoughtful posts only.

What the hell? She's 16. This is like... the most ridiculously developmentally appropriate thing. In two years she will be in college. She should be able able to read and self police the content she's willing to see. I cannot believe you have a tracking software on.

1000% this. She is exploring her sexuality and finding her boundaries. AO3 is actually an awesome website filled with some truly fantastic erotica. OP, please think about this sensibly. Think back to when you were 16. She's exploring and figuring herself out.

[Anonymous]

Bribe her? Offer to buy her a vibrator of her choice in exchange for giving up the porn?

[Anonymous]

Let her read it, don't bring it up. What is wrong with this at all? Isn't that what most of us did when we were 16? Heck, I used to write it.

[Anonymous]

Oh, stories of gang and rape? Yes, that is too much, I posted before I read that part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women reading m/m smut is one of those things that's astonishingly common and almost never discussed. I used to know a lesbian who exclusively wrote X-Men m/m porn. She was still a lesbian, an old-school Park Slope lesbian. But it's a thing. I see the appeal myself, I just wish more of it was good.

I'm pretty sure my 14 yo writes smut on AO3. I never ever want to read it. Boundaries, people.

Almost never discussed because it can be shamed like this. I’ve had conversations with my kid about fanfic - about authors taking an existing universe they love and reimagining some parts of it. Yes, sex can be part of it, even extreme situations like you describe.

Fun fact: NK Jemisin said in a NYT piece that she has a secret account under which she posts fanfic .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, everyone in my generation read Flowers in the Attic (INCEST) and Clan of the Cave Bear (RAPE) and we all turned out more or less okay.

If she's reading fanfic porn, she's probably not doing sex. I'd consider it a good trade-off.

Those two book series are exactly what I thought of when I read this too. And I was a lot younger than 16!

But in those books the incest and rape aren’t there to turn you on.

Of course they were. (are)

That is such a naive view of books. I bet PP thinks the nudity in Game of Thrones was purely for artistic reasons. Shows and books provide a socially acceptable context for erotica. Hell, it’s the reason Fox News became so popular with old repressed white people—in this case the context was outrage. Finally old white guys had a safe space to discuss blow jobs and sex toys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read AO3 regularly and while there are some topics that may not be age appropriate, you can easily filter what interests you - such as PP mentioned before - stories based in the BTS fandom, Harry Potter, Drarry, 1D, Larry, Glee, Marvel etc. I would be willing to bet that's what this teen is reading. And OP is wrong. Some of it is horrible writing, but you can tell in about 2 seconds if you have a true author on your hands or someone who wrote something in 30 minutes. Some of these authors take great pride in their work. The quality there is surprisingly good, you just have to filter your choices. Plus, a story will tell you how many "hits" it has had, which will quickly tell you if it's good or not.

Exactly. OP never said she knew her daughter was reading the most disturbing, graphic stuff -- just that it was on the AO3 site.

I'm being OP is worried her daughter will read it, not that she knows exactly what she reads. Or if she does, it's not hardcore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read AO3 regularly and while there are some topics that may not be age appropriate, you can easily filter what interests you - such as PP mentioned before - stories based in the BTS fandom, Harry Potter, Drarry, 1D, Larry, Glee, Marvel etc. I would be willing to bet that's what this teen is reading. And OP is wrong. Some of it is horrible writing, but you can tell in about 2 seconds if you have a true author on your hands or someone who wrote something in 30 minutes. Some of these authors take great pride in their work. The quality there is surprisingly good, you just have to filter your choices. Plus, a story will tell you how many "hits" it has had, which will quickly tell you if it's good or not.

Exactly. OP never said she knew her daughter was reading the most disturbing, graphic stuff -- just that it was on the AO3 site.

I'm being OP is worried her daughter will read it, not that she knows exactly what she reads. Or if she does, it's not hardcore.

My money is that she stumbled on omegaverse, “littles”, or both of the above. Maybe sex pollen. Love a good sex pollen story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read AO3 regularly and while there are some topics that may not be age appropriate, you can easily filter what interests you - such as PP mentioned before - stories based in the BTS fandom, Harry Potter, Drarry, 1D, Larry, Glee, Marvel etc. I would be willing to bet that's what this teen is reading. And OP is wrong. Some of it is horrible writing, but you can tell in about 2 seconds if you have a true author on your hands or someone who wrote something in 30 minutes. Some of these authors take great pride in their work. The quality there is surprisingly good, you just have to filter your choices. Plus, a story will tell you how many "hits" it has had, which will quickly tell you if it's good or not.

Exactly. OP never said she knew her daughter was reading the most disturbing, graphic stuff -- just that it was on the AO3 site.

I'm being OP is worried her daughter will read it, not that she knows exactly what she reads. Or if she does, it's not hardcore.

Part of growing up and finding your place in the world and understanding sex and sexuality is filtering out things that are too much for you or not interesting to you. I also read that site and have seen some pretty graphic stuff. I click out. That’s what growing up means. There is just absolutely nothing wrong with this and my heart aches for you daughter that she has a tracking software on her phone because mom doesn’t trust her to explore and figure herself out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, everyone in my generation read Flowers in the Attic (INCEST) and Clan of the Cave Bear (RAPE) and we all turned out more or less okay.

If she's reading fanfic porn, she's probably not doing sex. I'd consider it a good trade-off.

Those two book series are exactly what I thought of when I read this too. And I was a lot younger than 16!

But in those books the incest and rape aren’t there to turn you on.

Of course they were. (are)

That is such a naive view of books. I bet PP thinks the nudity in Game of Thrones was purely for artistic reasons. Shows and books provide a socially acceptable context for erotica. Hell, it’s the reason Fox News became so popular with old repressed white people—in this case the context was outrage. Finally old white guys had a safe space to discuss blow jobs and sex toys.

Oh screw you of course I don’t think that. Honestly I just wasn’t turned on by flowers in the attic infest and I don’t think it’s comparable to erotica with kids watching somebody rape somebody else but if flowers in the attic is more porn than literature to you, fine.

[Anonymous]

I think the responses that just say “ignore it and don’t talk to your daughter” are somewhat informed by American puritanical prudishness. A parent can have a healthy, sex-positive conversation with their child about what kind of sexual stuff they are reading without it being weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the responses that just say “ignore it and don’t talk to your daughter” are somewhat informed by American puritanical prudishness. A parent can have a healthy, sex-positive conversation with their child about what kind of sexual stuff they are reading without it being weird.

Umm, no. OP is the puritanical one for putting a tracking software (!!) on her sixteen year old daughter's phone and shaming her to the point of her daughter having bad anxiety for reading porn. Talk to your kids about sex. Safe sex and avoiding pregnancy and pleasure and consent and all that. Totally for it. But if OP's daughter wants a private moment to read her favourite characters getting it on, well, so do the millions of other people who read and write AO3 fanfiction.

[Anonymous]

Tracking software is so shaming and paranoia-inducing. The DD will likely distance herself as an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the responses that just say “ignore it and don’t talk to your daughter” are somewhat informed by American puritanical prudishness. A parent can have a healthy, sex-positive conversation with their child about what kind of sexual stuff they are reading without it being weird.

There's nothing healthy about barging your way into your child's sexual fantasies.